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For not wanting to share expensive straighteners with a 12 year old?

(24 Posts)
Panscrub Sun 08-Nov-09 10:25:48

Early in the year, DP bought DSD a pair of straighteners. They worked fine for a while but after a bit of abuse (leaving them on bedroom floor, leaving them danging off sofa, leaving them on living room floor, trying to straighten wet hair with them etc) they stopped working.

DP refused to buy her anymore but asked if she could use mine hmm I agreed on the condition that they stayed in our bedroom and she had to use them in there. Well, she did for a while but before long I was finding them on HER bedroom floor, the living room floor, left on for hours unused etc etc and now ... mine have stopped working.

To avoid pointing blame, I accepted that they were pretty old and would have probably broken soon anyway hmm but of course, in reality, they were working fine before DSD started using them.

Anyway, not wanting to dwell on it, I decided I might buy myself some GHD's. They're over £100 though and DP questioned the price at first but then came out with "well, I suppose since two of you will get use out of them it's not so bad"

shock I don't want her using them basically, she doesn't look after stuff and I can't afford to lay £100 out on something that will be broken in a few months.

I think he should buy her some of her own. (not GHDs, just normal ones).

However, he is going to think I'm being mean to her when I tell him that I'm not sharing them. So am I in the wrong here? would you share yours in these circumstances?

He's not even putting any money towards them, I'm buying them out of my own savings. I don't mean to be nasty but I don't want a 12 year old using my brand new expensive hair straighteners!

AIBU? if not, how do I tell him without sounding like a bitch?

LoveBeingAMummy Sun 08-Nov-09 10:27:32

Buy her some for xmas.


crokky Sun 08-Nov-09 10:33:12

Very difficult.

Would you allow your own DD to use your hair straighteners under the same circumstances?

Is it typical teenage behaviour (ie not knowing value of money, not treating things properly?)

Personally, I think you need to let her use them. Otherwise, regardless of whether you are able to talk DP round, DSD will probably remember and may feel resentful.

Tee2072 Sun 08-Nov-09 10:34:19

No YABU. But are you the same person whose DSD is always getting her DF to get her to do stuff you hate? Something about the master bedroom when you moved in together? Is that you again? And him picking out her clothes for her? And some other stupid sh*t?

If it is YAWN.

If its not, I apologize and think you should just tell him straight up 'no.'

Because 'no' is a complete sentence.

And if you sound like a bitch? So what?

Panscrub Sun 08-Nov-09 10:34:23

No I wouldn't let my kids use them tbh.

Perhaps if DP gives me some money towards them it might be different?

Panscrub Sun 08-Nov-09 10:35:51

no Tee2072, that wasn't me! she picks her own clothes out!

cornsilkwearscorsets Sun 08-Nov-09 10:42:48

Can she have a pair for xmas? The things you list, 'leaving them on bedroom floor, leaving them danging off sofa, leaving them on living room floor, trying to straighten wet hair with them etc' I do that! Weren't they under guarantee?

notimetotidy Sun 08-Nov-09 10:50:45

Why not just buy her a pair and be done with it. You can get Remington straighteners for less than £15 (obviously not GHDs though). At least this way yours won't get broken.

Uriel Sun 08-Nov-09 10:55:58

If you're buying them out of your own savings, why the fuck is dp querying the price?

LaurieScaryCake Sun 08-Nov-09 11:00:00

If I liked her and thought it was an appropriate present for a 12 year old (which I don't) then I would buy her a cheap pair.

You don't like her much, she took her ghds to france when she wasn't allowed and broke them, she took the ones your partner bought her last time out the house when she wasn't allowed, she's farkin' 12 fgs.

They are yours and you are paying for them, you should have simply said that when you told him you were buying yourself a pair. I agree that NO is a complete sentence.

notimetotidy Sun 08-Nov-09 11:04:02

Laurie, when did she take them to France? Is there another thread?

LaurieScaryCake Sun 08-Nov-09 11:04:54

there was unless I'm confusing the OP with someone else.

groundhogs Sun 08-Nov-09 11:04:57

YANBU, you have a right to have your own straighteners, and for them to be yours and yours alone. I wouldn't share my decent anything with my dc, no way, you just know they are going to break them.

Get some cheap ones, babyliss are good, usually very cheap and cheerful at boots.

If she abuses them, and they end up broken again, then she has to replace them from her own pocket money.

Panscrub Sun 08-Nov-09 11:05:09

Who said I don't like her much and who said she took them to France?? I'm confused.

LaurieScaryCake Sun 08-Nov-09 11:08:20

Thought you were the same poster who had all that problem with straighteners earlier in the year - sd took them home when she wasn't allowed and your partners ex kicked up a fuss. That poster did't like her much after all that.

Don't share them, they are yours, and don't let your partner comment or control what you spend your money on.

Panscrub Sun 08-Nov-09 11:09:39

oh right, no that wasn't me either! everyone seems to think I'm someone else, nice to know other people have the same problems as me I suppose grin

borderslass Sun 08-Nov-09 11:17:09

Theres is an alternative tell her she can only use them under your supervision when my daughter first started using straighteners she used mine under strict supervision until she could prove she could look after them nothing like them being treated like a small child makes them grow up.
Otherwise like others said get her a pair for Christmas we have the Andrew Collinge digital ones each and they are great.

Morosky Sun 08-Nov-09 11:22:31

As a 34 year old I do all the things you list to my straughteners and I have had them for years and they have not broke. I think you had dodgy straighteners.

I would buy her a pair although to be honest I would let her use mine.

Flamebat Sun 08-Nov-09 11:28:31

How many issues are there in the world with SD's and hair straighteners?

I'd just buy her a cheap pair of her own. I wouldn't be keen on sharing expensive ones, but at the same time, I only have a 6yr old DD (and no straighteners come to think of it) so it isn't an issue and I can make all the fictional rules I like

purepurple Sun 08-Nov-09 11:29:40

I have the same problem with my DD (13).
it is driving me mad, all my stuff ends up in her room.
I have no make up brushes left and she never puts the lids on anything
Even though she knows she is not supposed to be using my stuff, she still does. angry]
I bought DD her own straighteners for her birthday.
I do think that we parents have the right to have our own stuff.
If you don't want her to use them, just tell her.
maybe you could buy her a cheaper pair for xmas?

skidoodle Sun 08-Nov-09 11:36:00

She's 12. She's old enough to understand that the consequences of her failure to look after your old pair means you don't want her using the new ones.

That's how teenagers learn the value of stuff, because their parents teach them.

Let her buy herself a cheap pair out of her allowance/pocket money if she wants them that badly, or let her wait until Christmas for a present of a cheap pair.

Either way, it is a bloody cheek for your DP to be querying the price of things you are buying with your own savings and then deciding how they will be used.

Sorry if this is another mistaken identity, but isn't this the same guy who doesn't like you going anywhere without him?

Panscrub Sun 08-Nov-09 11:37:28

Skidoodle, yes that was on my florida thread. I know it sounds like he's a controlling monster but it isn't like that really, at least I don't think it is. Maybe I'm deluded.

Firawla Sun 08-Nov-09 11:39:16

a cheap pair for her own and don't let her use yours, she has already broken 2!

skidoodle Sun 08-Nov-09 11:43:12

Less a controlling monster than bossy in a wheedly, presumptuous way, but you know him.

Either way, this is your money and you are perfectly entitled to have things that the children can't use, particularly where there is a solid reason why not, as there is in this case.

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