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to consider ending relationship?

(11 Posts)
teabreakgirl Sat 07-Nov-09 16:40:01

Its a bit long so apologies in advance but I dont know what else to do really. My dp and I have been together for almost nine years we have two ds' 4.9 months and 2.4 months.

Neither of the children were planned though I have always been honest about my contraception so I dont feel like Ive been dishonest in any way. But I feel our relationship has deteriorated A LOT since having children.
It is my honest opinion that he is jealous of the boys and the attention that I give them. Both pregnancies he demanded an abortion. I said no. The first time he tried so hard to get me to do it. He talked a lot about how 'working class people stay working class' (I come from a single parent bkground and I lived on a council estate until I left home) When I asked whether he considered himself to be w. class his response was 'With my bank account I dont think its fair to say that I am'. He would also try to physically intimidate me. Hes a lot bigger than I am. My mum encouraged me to stay and try to make a go of it. And I have. Im trying sooo hard.
But it is so bizarre. Considering he didnt want either of them he wants to control everything.. He undermines my authority with the children in front of them and other people. I feel so humiliated. If we argue he tells me to 'shut the fuck up' whether the kids are there or not. Then he points out that they dont listen to me!!!!
I had severe pnd with ds2. I wanted to kill myself, but we didnt talk at all. For days on end. During this time I found facebook messages with him and another woman. Flirty. When I approached him, again its my fault. Dont know what to do and this op is already too long.

teabreakgirl Sat 07-Nov-09 16:41:23

thats 4.9 years and 2.4 years. Sorry!!

cathcat Sat 07-Nov-09 16:45:52

Have you thought about leaving? You sound very unhappy and it does not seem like a good atmosphere for you or your children. No-one should be spoken to like that in front of their children. He does not sound supportive of you. Have you got somewhere to go or could he move out? How would he react if you said you wanted to split?

TheArmadillo Sat 07-Nov-09 16:49:55

you would not be unreasonable to be ending this relationship.

It doesn't sound healthy at all.

You're trying hard but what about him - he doesn't sound like he's trying at all.

teabreakgirl Sat 07-Nov-09 16:50:05

I have said I wanted to leave and he finally agreed to counselling. So I tried to organise that locally but he didnt want that so HE found one which is in a bigger town 45 mis drive away. We did that for a few weeks. went on holiday then he said it was too far and wanted to start again with someone new! I am very unhappy, and very lonely sometimes if Im honest. I havent got any family near by. We have only lived in this area for five years.

Hassled Sat 07-Nov-09 16:52:50

You sound so unhappy that I can't see how starting a new life, just you and the DCs, would make anything worse - and it may well be the boost to your self esteem and confidence that you need.

nattiecake Sat 07-Nov-09 17:01:46

aww, teabeakgirl i really feel for you

if i was you i would write myself a list of reasons you want to leave and reasons you want to stay. its not about the length of each list, but if you actually stop and think about each point, you'll come to a decision.

whatever you decide, you cant carry on being unhappy, something needs to change

teabreakgirl Sat 07-Nov-09 17:05:16

Might try that one when Im on my own for 5 minutes! Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all your advice.

tethersend Sat 07-Nov-09 18:09:52

I think you have made the decision- were you hoping to post and people tell you to stay? I really don't think anyone will... or should...

It sounds as if you have reached the point where you know it's not going to work- and congratulations for doing so, that really takes strength.

I agree with nattiecake, the unhappiness needs to end. Only you know how to do that.

teabreakgirl Sat 07-Nov-09 19:16:24

You might be right there nattie. Things are so unstable all the time that i just dont know how much more i can take. Its the control freak behaviour that I cant take. If he agreed that he had a problem it might be worth the effort. But he doesnt believe it for one minute so that says to me that hes not going to change and Im not going to change my view on it so...........
Thanks again everyone. Sometimes it makes you feel clearer in your head to get the opinion of strangers. I dont always want to load off on friends as they know us both and you dont know whether they are going to say something supportive even if they dont mean it iyswim? In a good way where they just want to be there for you.

teabreakgirl Sat 07-Nov-09 19:17:13

meant to you might be right too tethers!

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