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to be shocked that FIL would leave DD alone?

(26 Posts)
LissyGlitter Sat 07-Nov-09 13:28:42

I just rang up the ILs house to ask if one of them could pop round for two minutes to help me make my lunch (I am on crutches and really can't think of how I will manage without someone to carry stuff- I was thinking a tin of soup, so would need help to get the full bowl of hot soup to the table where I could eat it. Can't think of anything I could cook that wouldn't have this problem and can't get out of the house to buy anything)

FIL said that MIL was out and he was watching 2.8 yo DD, but she was looking tired, so he would wait for her to go to sleep, then leave her and come round here. I told him thanks, but not to leave DD alone, I will manage alone. (I have fruit and chocolate bars that I could put in my pocket or something whilst walking, although it isn't ideal as I have to take strong painkillers) He kept insisting, and i am not entirely confident that he won't turn up in ten minutes anyway.

They only live about a three minute walk away (for an able bodied person, if I tried it would take about half an hour, if I could even manage it at all - it takes me fifteen minutes to get to the loo)

I am very very grateful for all their help, but to me it is completely unacceptable to leave a 2 year old alone in a house (there are no baby gates or anything, so she could get in the kitchen, to plugs, etc) for any amount of time, or am I being PFB? If she had only just gone to sleep it is likely she could wake up just as quickly, and she is a very inquisitive child who would be likely to try and make herself a snack or whatever.

I need to get DP to pick me up some sandwich making stuff or something so I could make the food and put it in a bag to carry, so I don't have this problem I think.

What do I do if he turns up at my door now? How can I tactfully say "get straight back to my child this instant, or leave her with me" without sounding horrible?

diddl Sat 07-Nov-09 13:31:39

Couldn´t he bring her with, help you & then take her back?

diddl Sat 07-Nov-09 13:33:28

YAB at little U.

It sounds as if he is only trying to come & help you.

paisleyleaf Sat 07-Nov-09 13:36:33

It all sounds a bit confusing to me. And maybe to your FIL, perhaps there's been a misunderstanding - maybe somewhere he's surprised that you think it's okay for him to leave your DD to carry your soup to the table.

miamla Sat 07-Nov-09 13:39:48

put soup in flask, flask in bag, carry bag to whereever you need to eat

I'm guessing you haven't been using crutches for long. trust me after a few days, you'll be amazed at how resourceful you'll be. I was on crutches with a 13mth old. to get him either up or down the stairs i put him in my carrier and took it slowly. not ideal but it was better than being confined downstairs all the time.

LissyGlitter Sat 07-Nov-09 13:40:35

Apparently not, I did suggest that, but she is apparently nearly asleep. She is at the age when she is about to stop having naps, so sometimes she can really need one but refuse to settle, so I can see why he is reluctant to disturb her if she is settling, but to me that would mean he would just have to say sorry, but no he couldn't come and help me. He knows I would understand.

I think it is a generational thing, a few months back we found out he had taken her out in the car with no car seat. Of course we told him not to do it again, but he seemed to think we were making a fuss over nothing. He was working long hours when his own children were young, so he doesn't have much experience of the day to day tasks of looking after a young child. He absolutely adores babysitting though, and often asks if he can take her for a few hours. MIL says he was hopelessly impractical with DP and his brother too.

LissyGlitter Sat 07-Nov-09 13:42:34

miamla Brilliant idea! No idea why I didn't think of that! Today is my first day out of hospital, can you tell?

He just rang up again to say she is asleep, so I said I had found a way of making lunch, and thanked him again for looking after her, so I think all is well now

miamla Sat 07-Nov-09 13:45:27

glad you didn't take my comments to be unsympathetic! i was going to ask if this was your first day but decided not to in case you'd been these hopeless on them for weeks!

LissyGlitter Sat 07-Nov-09 13:48:47

I am really hopeless, I keep forgetting what I am doing and getting all tangled up when I try to do stuff. I have SPD, and I must have tried to turn over in bed normally about ten times last night and woken DP up by shouting out in pain!

I would be so rubbish if I was permanently disabled- my respect to people who manage this stuff all the time.

miamla Sat 07-Nov-09 13:55:10

at least you haven't got a leg that you can't walk on... i kept forgetting and putting the weight on the wrong foot... seriously... you'd think after the first time it would help me remember for the next time [sigh]

have you got spd due to pregnancy? sorry, no idea if you can get it any other time! if so, how many weeks are you?

diddl Sat 07-Nov-09 13:57:43

Is your kitchen big enough to have a chair/stool in so that you can eat in there rather than carry stuff about?

Naetha Sat 07-Nov-09 14:02:59

Tip for the food: Make your food (soup, pasta, whatever) then put it in a sealed lunchbox / tupperware container, then in a shoulder bag, and crutch yourself to where you're going to eat.

Problem solved

Naetha Sat 07-Nov-09 14:04:19

D'oh sorry, just saw that someone else suggested the same thing - sorry!

Weegle Sat 07-Nov-09 14:15:46

oh bless you - I live on crutches a lot of the time (arthritis in pelvis - so similar to spd) and am also currently pg, with a young child, so massive sympathies - you've just reminded me what it's like when you're just learning all the tricks of how to get about. In our house I use DS (most handy) for carrying things, or food wise push them to the furthest end of the counter and can then, just reach to the dining table... but then when you live like this permanently you set your house up for it, it's probably much harder.

Rucksack needs to become your best friend - especially if you're going to manage going out with DD. Another tip for taking her anywhere safely is to get a wrist strap - but don't attach it to your wrist - attach it to your jean belt loop and then to her hand - that way she won't pull your crutch away from you but you won't be panicking that she can run off.

LissyGlitter Sat 07-Nov-09 14:15:48

miamla Yep, due to pregnancy, for some reason it just suddenly got really bad a couple of days ago. I'm 38 weeks tomorrow, got a section booked in 9 days, so not too long to go luckily.

I went to look for a flask, but they are all up on a high shelf that I can't reach without climbing on a chair, and there is no way that could happen! I did have another poke about in the fridge though, and found some indian starter style things (onion bhajis and so on) in a takeaway box, so popped that in a bag and am now happily munching away Thanks everyone! In a minute I will attempt the same principle to get myself a drink-I think I have a bottle of cordial that is nearly finished, so will top up the bottle with water, and then i should have enough to drink for the rest of the day.

Thank god for the ILs though, I really have no idea how I would go about looking after a very active 2 year old in this state! DP did offer to stay off work, but he is a temp so we really can't afford for him to have time off unless the baby is actually being born or something. My mum and dad are coming up for a few days next week as well.

I used to work as a care assistant, and this is really bringing it home to me how hard it must be for the people I used to look after, and I can at least walk with the crutches. it's just the stuff you take for granted, like if you forget to bring something downstairs in the morning.

miamla Sat 07-Nov-09 14:30:27

i popped back to suggest using a squash bottle for cold drinks but i'm very pleased to see that you've worked that bit out yourself grin sorry, i don't mean to sound patronising.. this is my 'encouraging' voice!

LissyGlitter Sat 07-Nov-09 14:54:08

Any more tips will be gratefully received!

If I did want to go out of the house (I'm worried I might get cabin fever as i will be stuck in for a bit after the section too) are there any tips? I walk really, really slowly and painfully, so a wander about is totally out of the question I think, but maybe i could ask someone for a lift to the front door of a cafe? Would I be allowed to do things like use disabled toilets? Do supermarkets have spare wheelchairs I could borrow if I really needed to? My mum and dad are coming up next week, so I will feel a lot better asking them for help then my ILs (ILs are lovely, but are small and retired, so wouldn't really want them to have to help me physically in any way, so I ask DP to help me in and out of bed and so on)

Right, painkiller time, so apologies if I go a little bit odd for a bit!

gingernutlover Sat 07-Nov-09 15:18:10

what about a little trolley on wheels, that you could load up and push infront of you?

agree with just taking a chair into the kitchen with you, if theres room, might be easier?

also, your hands can get really sore from the crutches so get some nice handcream now and I think i used to wrap my crutch handles in bandages or soemthing soft to stop them rubbing my palms so much

could your dh make up a big bottle of squash and get a box of snacky thing ready before he goes to work?

To your original Q YADNBU at all, there is no way a small child should be left in the house on her own.
Even if she stayed asleep what if there was a fire/break in/he hurt himsself and was unable to get back to the house?

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 07-Nov-09 15:18:30

cant beleive fil would leave a child alone in a house shock - asleep or not

hope you get more used to crutches soon

yes supermarkets have spare wheel chairs - may be worth phoning them to see if you can book a time slot to have one

or you can hire wheelchairs for £10 a week

not sure of youa area but sure other countys have the same thing

gingernutlover Sat 07-Nov-09 15:19:49

oh an our local supermarket and our local shopping centre have wheelchairs that you either borrow or hire for the day to use while you are there. I think they even have those mobility scooters to hire.

LissyGlitter Sat 07-Nov-09 16:16:06

These are all really useful tips- thanks! I know it is only a short time, but it feels like these are my last few days to enjoy having just DD and not being at the beck and call of a newborn, so they seem more valuable, iyswim. Also I will be pretty immobile after the section as well, so that means that I will probably look back on the time when I "just" had SPD with longing!

Good god, what if the SPD sticks around for a bit? So I will have a newborn, toddler, section scar and SPD? I think I will push that thought to the back of my mind for now...

I'm quite lucky in that DP used to be a carer and my mum is a nurse as well as a carer for my Grandad, so I do have some pretty useful people around when I can't get about so much. When I first got ill, DP actually bathed and dressed me like a pro.

This is all stuff you just don't think about until you need it. It's like when I first had DD, all of a sudden I needed to know where changing facilities and pram access were, it was like looking at the world through new eyes.

ilove Sat 07-Nov-09 16:23:39

Why are you having a section? It isn't because of the SPD is it?

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern Sat 07-Nov-09 16:29:39

You have my biggest tympathy I have had SPD twice and the 2nd time had a 2 year old at the same time it was hard going.
Most supermarkets have a wheelchair and big shopping centres have the motobility departments where you can hire wheelchairs and motorised scooters.
My friend and I were arguing outside one as she wanted to get me a wheelchair but I thought they wouldn't give me one, the woman and man working in the place told me not to be so blinking stupid and to register and use their service so it was good my friend could puch me around town of an afternoon and dd thought it was hilarious having mummy in a buggy.

LissyGlitter Sat 07-Nov-09 16:38:59

ilove nope, different reason (DD managed to get so comprehensively stuck they had to do a T shaped cut on my womb to get her out, so now I have a high chance of rupture if I tried for a VBAC)

So when my parents come up I can still take them to see something slightly more interesting then the inside of my house? Probably just a shopping centre, but it will be something different to look at!

LissyGlitter Sat 07-Nov-09 16:44:25

How long does it usually take for SPD to ease off? Should I be making plans for it to mean I need help for longer than usual after the section? At the moment my plan is for my mum to come up a week after the baby is born (for the first week I will start off in hospital, and if I get out before the week is up the ILs will help or DP will take time off work) and she will stay for a week, then, as long as I am well enough to be away from the midwife, I will go back to my parents for a week with both kids, then by the time I get back the new baby will be three weeks old and hopefully I will be able to cope by myself or with a little bit of help from ILs. Does this sound ok? Am I likely to be able to walk properly straight after the birth? (apart from obviously the effects of the section)

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