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AIBU in saying something to friends husband?

(8 Posts)
thesecondcocking Fri 06-Nov-09 14:01:31

this is going to be long,sorry.
So,some friends of mine and dps (who are also neighbours)he's a dad at home and she has compressed her hours into 4 days. I spend the 4 days a week mostly with him (our children are weeks apart in age and get on well and we see eachother for lunch 3 days a week and attend the same groups/go to the park together etc etc)
Their child sleeps for 2.5 hours a day,every day,he doesn't prepare the evening meal,he doesn't do the housework,he doesn't do the washing.He doesn't do any childcare in the evenings or weekends (if she's not there) and makes comments about her wanting to do anything at weekend that doesn't involve the child (from a trip to the supermarket to a cinema trip after the kids in bed)
Wife is now 6months pregnant with baby number2 -she is knackered,last night we (6 women) were going to the theatre (been arranged for MONTHS) and was sort of arranged with the 'pregnants' of us in mind as they can't do pubs/clubs or whatever (well they could but it's no fun watching your mates get drunk is it?)
Anyway- i'd gone for dinner with a couple of the other mums and the other 3 came together and met us in the theatre for coffee,she'd clearly been crying-when i asked what was up she said 'nothing' and went to the loo and cried.
The friend who'd been picking her up said that she'd had a call off her saying 'I am not allowed out as i was delayed at work so husband says he wont babysit for me as i've spent no time with daughter today at all'
she then rang her 20 mins later and said 'it's ok ,i can come' but obviously had had a shit evening,in fact,every time we go out he has a problem about her coming home time/going out time etc etc.
Given that i am relatively close to him,do you think i should say something to him? or is it stirring it up?and if so,what?
i think he's a bullying control freak who doesn't want any of us to know that he's like that (hence the mind change about her going out last night)
there are other examples of his behaviour like this by the way-too many to list.

Fabster Fri 06-Nov-09 14:03:42

You really can't say anything to the DH but you can support her and see less of him if you don't like the way he is.

Tommy Fri 06-Nov-09 14:05:13

if you really are that close to him, surely you talk about these things anyway?

noonar Fri 06-Nov-09 14:06:21

i think that if he were a female friend, being hard on her dh, you'd probably tell her what you thought.

so yes, i would say somthing as youre good friends with him. but...you need to get him to 'tell' you about it himself first. otherwise it could have repercussions for his wife.

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP Fri 06-Nov-09 14:06:32

ooooo that's a toughie, but I would keep well out if it were me.

It's hard seeing other peoples relationships when you think 'I wouldn't put up with that'. If the mum has an issues with the dads obviously controlling and IMO lazy arsed ways, then it really is up to her to deal with it.

I take it she hasn't asked you to say something? Even if she did though, it's prob not a good idea to get involved.

Biobytes Fri 06-Nov-09 14:08:16

Stay out, unless you are very good at humouring people you are very likely to make the situation worse.

diddl Fri 06-Nov-09 14:12:40

I think if you say anything he´lltake it out on her.

I´d be avoiding him & looking out for physicalabuse on her, tbh!

thesecondcocking Fri 06-Nov-09 15:10:03

sorry,had a visitor then.
I think he hates being at home,although he has pontificated quite a bit about working parents. He is actually a right laugh when we are together,which is why i find it quite hard to reconcile this with the guy who is just an utter utter bastard to his wife.
She's not allowed to go christmas shopping-he wont do it and she's 'allowed' to do it online.
If i did say something to him it'd be along the lines of 'is * ok? she looks fucked-she's doing too much you know?' although when we've said stuff like that before he says 'i keep telling her to leave stuff' my point is,the stuff shouldn't be there for her to fucking do-there's no reason for him to not do the washing/tea,when she gets in and starts doing tea he has a go at her for that and for not playing with the child.
It's really hard,the other dads/mums in the group are all really starting to have an issue with it-it's a shame as i think he just fucking needs to go to work.

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