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To feel like my two sister-in-laws are taking the proverbial?

(19 Posts)
WildheartSarah Thu 05-Nov-09 11:08:28

I recently had my first child and it has been a hard few years leading up to his birth. First I lost my Father and then my Mother and Sister were seriously ill. My Brother had a pulmonary embolism the weekend before I went into labour and this meant my Mum was up and down the A1 like a yo-yo.

My Number 1 sister-in-law has now taken it upon herself to cry to my Mum about how I have taken to Motherhood like a duck to water - what she doesn't realise is that I run round the house doing all the chores like a mad thing as soon as DS falls asleep. I run my house like a military operation - I manage on 4-6 hours of sleep as when I was in the military this is the most I would get a night, this is why I can cope! Am I being unreasonable that I am very angry that she can guilt trip me into feeling bad for her? She had such a tough time and we helped her every weekend with her DD's from birth and I do feel bad that she does not enjoy being a Mum as much as I do and I try to support her but what else can I do?

My Number 2 sister-in-law is pushing all my buttons - she insists on taking her children round to my mother-in-laws every day even if they are ill - resulting in the fact my mother-in-law didn't see my DS for 3 weeks after we bought him home from the hospital for fear of passing on germs. Even when the mother-in-law points this out to said daughter she doesn't take a blind bit of notice! I would like some time to myself which my mother-in-law has offered to do for me each week - even if it is just for me to be able to do the ironing without seeing to DS every 5 minutes. Am i being unreasonable to be so annoyed at Number 2 sister-in-law?

BitOfFun Thu 05-Nov-09 11:13:49

Er, yes. If only because thestress is doing you no good, when it isn't actually that important. You sound like you would benefit from some relaxation, not more time to iron- but this will start with your attitude. Allowing yourself to be wound up by others because they are a bit irritating is a recipe for all sorts of problems.

diddl Thu 05-Nov-09 11:34:06

TBH, it´s up to the adults involved to sort it out!

Itsjustafleshwound Thu 05-Nov-09 11:37:55

Have you had it out with them?

Getting upset at the unreasonable behaviour of your SILs is not helping you!

Marioandluigi Thu 05-Nov-09 11:39:14

YABU

SIL1, have a little heart!

SIL2, Its not the worst thing in the world!

Lulumama Thu 05-Nov-09 11:44:11

tell them you are struggling and working v v v hard, most people don't have the time or inclination to wonder how everyone else copes and will ask for and take and demand whatever help they can

stop running things like a military operation and take time out to enjoy your child, take him to baby groups,m massage classes, meet other mums, ironing and housework can wait

WildheartSarah Thu 05-Nov-09 11:47:33

MarioandLuigi SIL1 has been helped constantly for the last 5 years with her 2 DD's so I think I have had a litle heart with her and SIL2 never thinks before she acts - Sorry to sound like a spoilt child but as my DS is 5 weeks old I would like a little help from my Mother and MIL which seems to be thwarted at every turn by the 2 SIL's. sad

Lulumama Thu 05-Nov-09 11:50:42

you need to ask for help and keep asking

ask for specific help

what is it you want? help with housework> help with the baby? shopping? cooking?

ginnny Thu 05-Nov-09 11:51:06

Usually I am first to enjoy a bit of SIL bashing (mine is a complete cow) but I do think you are being a bit PFB here!
Lighten up a bit and enjoy your baby.
So what if the ironing and housework doesn't get done?
They are only young once and don't stay babies for long so chill out and relax.
SIL 1 - doesn't sound like she's guilt tripping you, more like she admires how you are coping and probably feels inferior.
SIL2 - Nobody died from catching a cold! Its up to her how often she takes her dc to your MIL's.

diddl Thu 05-Nov-09 11:51:29

Doyou want helpbecause you need it or because the others get it?

If you really need help,ask!

WildheartSarah Thu 05-Nov-09 11:57:08

Diddl - a bit of both blush We do have lazy days where we stay in our PJ's until lunch time and just play and nap but then I feel terrible that the house is a mess and the ironing isn't done - not that it ever used to bother me when I was heavily pregnant! I just like things to be in order smile

diddl Thu 05-Nov-09 12:06:39

I think you need to ask, then.

It sounds as if everyone thinks you´re coping,especially SIL1!

Would she help, or would she be delighted that you´re not coping as well as she thinks,iyswim.

Also, are you being hard on yourself re what you need to be doing as regards housework?

I´m not sure I got out of the quick tidy/dust until Kindergarten started!blush

In the early weeks/months I spent time sleeping when baby did,not doing housework, & husband helped "pick up the slack" at the weekend.

He once got in fromwork to find me asleep on the floor-I was doing post birth exercises!blushblush

cocobongo Thu 05-Nov-09 12:07:14

Your DS is only 5 weeks old- don't worry about the mess, ironing etc. it will all get done in the end. My DD is 13 weeks, and I am still in my jammies at the moment, lol. Who cares though, I will get dressed eventually!

Do you have a DP / DH? Are they helping you?

WildheartSarah Thu 05-Nov-09 12:15:33

DP does help with DS but has never been one for helping with the housework. SIL1 would be delighted to know she had riled me so much Diddl - she's 11 years older than me and thinks she knows everything!

BitOfFun Thu 05-Nov-09 12:19:34

Being very upset about undone housework and wanting things ship-shape at all times can be a symptom of anxiety and depression- are you feeling yourself, or do think that possibly you might be experiencing this? It is surprisingly common- worth a thought.

WildheartSarah Thu 05-Nov-09 12:26:06

No I feel fine in myself - I'm just very house proud and always have been. Not very upset over it smile I just like to be organised.

loobylu3 Thu 05-Nov-09 12:51:48

I seems that you are a strong and perhaps quite a proud person and everyone thinks you are coping v well. I think you need to be more direct in asking for help if that is what you need/ would like. It sounds as if you are v fortunate in having a supportive MIL. Probably, if you were a little more specific about what help you wanted, it would make things easier. Do bear in mind though that she may already have a fair bit on her plate with her two daughters who sound quite demanding.
As far as the housework,etc goes, completely agree witht the others. The first few weeks are a time for you to relax a little and catch up on sleep, not run the house with military precision. You will just find that it all catches up with you. Your DP needs to do some housework and support you more. Why are you ironing so much? I hope you are not ironing the baby clothes?! Give yourself some time and peace to adjust to the new baby. Good luck!

porcamiseria Thu 05-Nov-09 12:57:33

It sounds to me like you are slightly freaked out by the whole palava and can use being on top of things to calm yourself down. But clearly things are not 100% hunky dory as the SILs, and lack of help would not annoy you otherwise?

Its only been 5 weeks, so try and accept that everyone parents and copes differently, and just let it be. Its bloody hard work, so try and focus on you and what you need and try to disregard the SILs.

I know that being on top of housework can make you feel "in control" , but try and let yourself rest a bit, as 6 weeks is VERY early days.

Good luck with the little un, and I reckon that if you slowed down a bit they may realise that you need some help too

stuffitllllama Thu 05-Nov-09 13:07:14

I think YANBU really.

But you need to speak out. Do you want to show a bit of "weakness" yourself and ask for help from them? Or do you want to claim what you want "by right"?

If the first, then I think there will be understanding from all. If the second, you are going to make everybody upset by telling them they are being out of order. And really, truth to be told, they are just being caught up in themselves for a bit, which happens to everyone.

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