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To think that "Plain Speaking" is actually special code for "obnoxious?"

(43 Posts)
Janos Wed 04-Nov-09 20:34:27

I've seen that some posters here pride themselves on telling it how it is, speaking their mind and so forth.

In reality, it's often an excuse to be rude, make hurtful comments and take out your bad temper on other people.

Why on earth is this regarded as being some sort of positive character trait?

AnyFuckerForSomeParkin Wed 04-Nov-09 20:38:41

aww, Janos

I think you have a point, chuck

although I think you probably include me in this

sometimes I jump in too quick, or post with not much time to spare

I always apologise if I overstep the line though (which is quite often, this board is littered with my apologies blush)

sometimes, however, the plain truth does need to be said, however there is a ways and means that shouldn't be hurtful

squilly Wed 04-Nov-09 20:40:55

One of my lovely sisters has this positive trait. She seemed to enjoy telling me that my mother was dying a couple of years back (she wasn't, she was recovering from a blood clot, but I was 70 miles away and didn't know what was going on)

Now my mum really is dying and I haven't heard a word from my straight talking sister.

Maybe that's why we don't speak anymore!

YANBU at all. I find the mantle is often adopted by those who don't care if they hurt other people's feelings. They wear it like a badge of pride. 'I told him' mentality, not really caring whether they've hurt someone or not....

NightShoe Wed 04-Nov-09 20:41:27

Well, some people need some 'plain speaking'. I would rather someone told me exactly what they thought than came out with platitudes and what they think I want to hear. If you are looking for huggyhuggylovetherethereitisnotyourfaultyou
sweethe artyoureallyarefantastic
then I think you would be after the other website.

NinthWave Wed 04-Nov-09 20:42:01

You are right Janos

And lots follow it up with "it's my OPINION" as if that makes it OK hmm

displayuntilbestbefore Wed 04-Nov-09 20:44:45

there's plain speaking and there's plain speaking, in my opinion.
Some is being straightforward and can be constructive and helpful, the other type is just using it as an excuse to be rude!
Have to say that even with both types alive and kicking, I'd rather look to MN for opinion than different sites.

SquirrelTrap Wed 04-Nov-09 20:45:38


Some things are best left unsaid

NinthWave Wed 04-Nov-09 20:46:59

Often the 'opinion' card is played as a way of trying to avoid repercussion/a decent debate/being challenged. You see it a lot - someone says something wildly offensive, others pull them up on it, they bleat about 'not being allowed an opinion' while conveniently ignoring the concept of open discussion.

frakkinaround Wed 04-Nov-09 20:47:42


There's direct/not beating around the bush and then there's rude.

Having said that one man's meat is another man's poison. I hate my mother's GP - I find him very rude and, well, plain-speaking. She loves him for it. Mine is much gentler and more sensitive about things.

NowtonTelly Wed 04-Nov-09 20:48:34

There's always Netmums

ChunkyKitKat Wed 04-Nov-09 20:50:02

Nothing wrong with straight-talking advice if it's helpful, but some don't worry about being rude, so you have a point Janos. If I wouldn't say it in real life I wouldn't say it here.

SquirrelTrap Wed 04-Nov-09 20:51:15

Actually, I thought you meant in RL. Yes, it is rude in rl...........but on here......anything goes....thats why it is so interesting

Morloth Wed 04-Nov-09 20:51:19

Yes yes AIBU is full of mean girls - this isn't new. It is just the way I like it.

MrsToffeeCrisp Wed 04-Nov-09 20:53:07

My in- laws are always so delighted their daughter (My SIL) is plain speaking, speaks her mind.

Actually its an excuse for her to be rude and nasty.

However that's in RL.

On here, people are entitled to say whatever they like.

Janos Wed 04-Nov-09 20:55:13

Actually no AF I wasn't thinking of you.

Sometimes I agree it's the right approach.

NightShow, I actually agree with you I'm not the love'n'hugs type myself although I am rather softhearted.

But there are times when it just isn't appropriate - like when someone is clearly a bit distressed and then I think it's less like well meaning advice and more like bullying or kicking someone when they're down. Sometimes a bit of compassion and kindness wouldn't go amiss.

And as someone's mum probably said, if you can't say anything nice.... grin

southeastastra Wed 04-Nov-09 20:56:45

the aibu topic is to blame for alot of abuse.

oh this is on aibu! what a surprise

OrmIrian Wed 04-Nov-09 20:57:44

Well there are ways of telling the truth (when it really needs to be told). Some ways are unvarnished. Some ways are so unvarnished they have splinters hmm. Tis better to try for the former if possible IME.

Janos Wed 04-Nov-09 20:58:35

"There's always Netmums"

Yep, but I like it here!

AF, that sounded a bit blunt when I didn't mean it to. And I'm reminded that how much of communication we miss on here - verbal/visual cues etc.

So someone might also come across blunt when they don't mean it.

NightShoe Wed 04-Nov-09 20:59:57

I'm a shoe! I don't do NightShows, you have made me sound like a stripper grin, but YANBU that plain speaking is all well and good, but consideration and tact also need to be thrown in the mix too.

Janos Wed 04-Nov-09 21:01:25

That's a good way of putting it OrmIrian. You have a better way with words than me.

southeastastra Fair point!

AnyFuckerForSomeParkin Wed 04-Nov-09 21:02:14

precisely janos !

bald words on a screen are no real substitute for verbal and visual cues and kind eyes

TheBossofMe Wed 04-Nov-09 21:02:19

My MIL is "plain speaking" in her opinion. I just see her as rude and with no consideration for others. However, as other posters have said, what's rude in RL isn't always inappropriate here. I do think some people forget that its a real person posting sometimes....

Janos Wed 04-Nov-09 21:02:20

Sorry Nightshoe blush and grin

NightShoe Wed 04-Nov-09 21:03:12


Janos Wed 04-Nov-09 21:06:01

Yes BossofMe I think so too.
You get some real armchair warrior sorts of here who are probably nice as pie in real life, then they hit the keyboard and BAM out comes the bile.

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