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or over reacting - really want honest answers cos I can't believe the stupidity of XH.

(39 Posts)
thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 17:31:20

I have just found out from a trusted friend - and also my CM that a mutual friend of ours found DS wandering around in the street in just a t shirt (literally) nothing else while he was suppost to be with XH. Said friend took DS back to my house and XH told her 'he's fine he's waiting for his mum! hmm.

apparently XH was watching him from the window (according to him) and DS was running off when XH was calling him back. I want to know what the hell DS was doing outside with nothing on aside a t shirt, and why DS was screaming when she brought him back to our (my) house. why didn't XH go outside pick him up and bring him in the house?

XH says it's cos he'd wet himself which is why he was out there like that.

So am I over reacting in having a go at XH - if it wasn't for friend I would be none the wiser.

it takes 30 seconds to snatch a child and XH doesn't seem to grasp this concept.

(FWIW XH has a history of being abusive towards me, v disrespectful in my house - ie not cleaning up at all for 3 days, last time I came home to find a huge puddlle of pee in the loo on the floor not cleaned up and used nappies (wet) in my bedroom open and not even folded up never mind put away)

i'm not for one minute suggesting I stop contact with XH/DS but soemthing has to change surely?

a friend is suggesting I contact SS.

thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 17:33:34

(xh claimd ds was in the drive not street, but my bungalow is back to front- ie the bedrooms are int he front and the kitchen/front room is in the back)

Flightattendant Wed 04-Nov-09 17:36:28

He put your CHILD outside alone undressed because he had had an accident in the house?

What a WANKER. shock

Yes I would agree with your friend or at least see a solicitor.

Sorry for you and ds sad

hanabooOOOM Wed 04-Nov-09 17:36:58

how old is ds?

i would be fuming

yanbu

edam Wed 04-Nov-09 17:38:12

I don't quite understand - does your ex have contact with ds at your house? How old is ds?

But anyway, whatever the agreement, clearly he wasn't supervising ds properly and you are right to be concerned. And to read your ex the riot act etc. etc. etc.

AnyFucker Wed 04-Nov-09 17:38:57

souths, although I sympathise, there is a worrying overemphasis on wee'ing in your OP hmm

a child wet himself

puddle of pee on floor

wet, open nappies left lying around

it is very strange

thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 17:40:28

ok XH sees DS every other weekend in my house from fri night to sunday lunch he stays on the sofa I go to mums to have a break as well.

DS is 3.5 4 in feb. it breaks my heart but I know I have to protect my son.

I can't believe XH. He was read the roit act and pulled his usual tricks of turning it around.

he split with OW that weekend as well - but to be quite frank I have stuff going on in my personal life right now but don't neglect DS as a result!

Flightattendant Wed 04-Nov-09 17:41:03

AF she is a long term poster, not sure what you are getting at.

AnyFucker Wed 04-Nov-09 17:41:20

sorry, that hmm, should have been a wink

so much wee !

diddl Wed 04-Nov-09 17:42:08

Am wondering why you´re not thinking of stopping contact, or contact being supervised, tbh.

Your childs father seems incapable of meeting a child´s basic needs!

thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 17:42:16

af - the weeing I don't care about - DS wet himself fair enough it's cleaned up, oh dear clothes in the washer floor mopped up etc nappies are put in the bin if needed (has them at night)

XH however won't clean it up, and when DS did wet himself XH left him DS took it all off, & XH basically said well we're not off to the beach now cos you've been naughty (as told to me by XH himself) I still would have taken DS as wetting or pooping is part and parcel still at this age I feel.

Flightattendant Wed 04-Nov-09 17:43:17

I wouldn't be able to leave an abusive bloke alone with my child, in my house...he has no respect for either of you by the sound of it. sad

Please get some legal advice and document everything in a diary.

Sounds far from ideal...do you know what else happens when you're not there? Does he claim to care about your child's safety? Does ds seem happy usually?

thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 17:44:06

did - I don't want to stop contact. supervised visits have been suggested to me. at the mo i'm reluctant to involve SS - mostly as I have a history of depression, coupled with an abusive marriage coupled with me working studying etc I don't want them to think I can't cope & take DS away. I'm trying my hardest to do my best by him.

(XH is forces in teh single block hence why he stops at mine)

Flightattendant Wed 04-Nov-09 17:44:43

he really is being awful about the weeing thing, it's highly counterproductive to punish a kid for accidents at 3.

diddl Wed 04-Nov-09 17:45:07

Well,I do think he should be well on the way to being dry/clean at 3.5

But does he have more accidents when he´s with his father?

thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 17:46:16

he's not when I go FA - but I put that down to the fact that he goes to nursery form 8.30, then we get home at 3 and XH arrives about half past usually so we don't really have much time on the friday together.

to be fair when XH is interested and wants to he can be v good otherwise he's shockingly crap.

no idea what else happens - usually they walk to the corner shop & back, play cars & trains but stay in the house.

Flightattendant Wed 04-Nov-09 17:46:25

Has your ex told you ss will take ds away because of these things? They won't. He may be trying to manipulate you by saying you're not a fit parent due to these things, depression etc etc

thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 17:47:16

I wouldn't say overly no - with me it might be one or 2 a fortnight if that and hardly ever pooping. this is the first i've heard of from XH.

Fabster Wed 04-Nov-09 17:48:27

So what did your ex do when he saw your friend take your child?

diddl Wed 04-Nov-09 17:49:23

If your son´s father has been abusive, I doubt he´d be a front runner to be given his son!

If anything, I would think you would be given help for depression.

But do you really feel that your son benefits from seeing his father?

thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 17:49:33

no FA he hasn't - that's my fears playing out there.

thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 17:53:42

nothing fab - as I understand it (from friend) she knocked ont he door to give DS back, and that's when XH said he was waiting for me.

thing is friend doesn't know the circs surrounding XH/I splitting up or what he is like. CM knows the story as we're also best friends. neither I believe would make it up or exaggerate.

I do think he does tbh as he loves his dad and loves his dads family.

DanJARMouse Wed 04-Nov-09 17:59:36

You know my feelings on this situation mate.

supervised contact until he can be a RESPONSIBLE adult.

DS is NOT safe in the hands of XH

As far as Im concerned he can get to fuck. The thought of DS outside in just a t-shirt on his own not being watched is DISGUSTING.

I wouldnt necessarily be heading off to SS, but certainly talking to a lawyer about contact at a contact centre.

thesouthsbelle Wed 04-Nov-09 18:01:26

I worry about the disruption of that to DS thou - the upset it would cause him.

then again at least i'd know he was safe there.

DanJARMouse Wed 04-Nov-09 18:04:45

yeah ok, so it would be a bit different for DS but he would be SAFE.

Can you risk your son being out of the house in just a t-shirt in freezing weather again? Do you really want to keep coming home to wet nappies all over the floor, puddles of wee everywhere?!

He needs to grow the fuck up and get some balls.

I wish he would just fuck off and leave you and DS to get on with your lives x

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