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AIBU - or is my mum?

(12 Posts)
reallyhappy Wed 04-Nov-09 16:59:09

I had an operation on monday ( am home now)
Didnt have Op until 2pm, came out of recovery room at about 4.15pm. I had a general ans so was still not really with it and in pain.
I text my mum at about 4.40pm to tell her i was ok.. she started getting cross saying why hadnt i answered my phone when she was rinigng. I think ( cant be sure as was out of it) that i told her my phone was on silent as we are only meant to use them for texts in hospital, and i wasnt really with it.

About 5.45 i called her as a nurse said she had called the ward. By this point by blood pressure had dropped really low and they had to call a doctor to see me. I felt so terrible i could barley open my eyes. My mum said she wasnt going to vist as she was going swimming and to call her at 8pm. I told her that if she was ever in hospital i wouldnt visit her.

I was upset and scared and just wanted a visit. My ex husband is looking after my daughter. I had told my friends not to come as family said they would. Then my mum said she wouldnt.

My sister turned up at 7.20 ( visiting time 7-8pm) apparently mum told her to come. She was shocked at how i was, have spoken since apparently i wasnt making much sense! Then my mum came at about 7.45. I had just been helped to the toilet from the nurse and they were paging the doctor again.
My mum proceeded to stand on the bottom of the bed and have a go at me telling me how selfish i was as she had been looking after my dog and that i was taking the piss. I tried to tell her to stop but she just carried on an then apparently ( according to my sister) i shouted really loudly ' Mother, will you stop having a go at me, im in hospital and ill'
She left after then, and did pick me up and i stayed at hers yesterday as pre agreeded and im now home.

She hasnt said anything and neither have i, but im really hurt and upset that when i was so vunerable, literally a few hours post surgery and so bad a doctor had to be called that she saw fit to have a go at me. be so hurt and angry, or should i just forget about it.

bumpybecky Wed 04-Nov-09 17:01:08


hope you're feeling much better very soon

agedknees Wed 04-Nov-09 17:02:33

Could it be your mum was frightened by how ill you looked in hospital and just shouted because she was afraid?

Remember if our children run into the road, we grab them and shout at them because of the fright we have had?

Could be the same.

Fabster Wed 04-Nov-09 17:02:51


maybe you mum was worried and it came out in a stroppy manner?

Jamieandhismagictorch Wed 04-Nov-09 17:03:19

YANBU. Is she normally like this ?

bigchris Wed 04-Nov-09 17:04:30


jeez is she always like that or was she going nutty because she was nervous about your op?

displayuntilbestbefore Wed 04-Nov-09 17:04:49

yanbu but I would reserve your energy for recovering rather than using precious energy worrying about this incident.
Doesn't sound very supportive but maybe other posters are right and your mum freaked.

reallyhappy Wed 04-Nov-09 17:08:30

No - she is sort of always like it.

She turns everything round to her, everything has to be about her. ALWAYS.

Bless her, she has looked after me since i came out. SO i feel mean, but it was so wrong to do that i think.

I was so weak i could barley open my eyes. Then she got in a huff as she has booked my car into the garage and got it fixed which i didnt ask her to do, or know that she was doing. When i said that i didnt care she told me i was ungrateful. I didnt care because i was high on morphine!

She might have been worried, but to be shouting at someone becuse they were upset ( and scared) that noone was visiting them ( and they live literally 2 min walk from the hospital) is not on i dont think.

Avendesora Wed 04-Nov-09 17:21:22

She sounds like a bit of a cow, dont feel bad because you were clear with her about how you felt. I supose she isnt used to people telling her how they really feel?

reallyhappy Wed 04-Nov-09 18:30:42

no, noone usually says anything to her apart from me and my sister... hence we are the cause of all agruments.

She just popped round to check on me.. didnt know she was coming. She told me i owed her a kiss and that i should tell her im proud of her as she has done well to look after me yesterday.......

i asked if i had not done well to be back home less than 48hrs after an general ans and looking after myself.. she just looked at me oddly....

displayuntilbestbefore Wed 04-Nov-09 18:38:31

very odd - do you think maybe she hasn't actually realised the seriousness of the op? Maybe she's in denial about it for some reason? All seems pretty bizarre but hopefully you can rest up and recover without arguments.

ILoveGregoryHouse Wed 04-Nov-09 18:40:45

Hiya. YANBU to be upset. But if your mum is anything like mine the world revolves around her (not NPD or anything) and just needs to be thanked profusely occasionally for wahtever reason to be kept happy. Mine had a go at me when I was 4 days post partum with DS3 because I was cross with my DS1 and 2 for jumping on the bed and asked her to take them out of the bedroom when I was feeding the baby. She thought I needed to see a doctor to get anti-depressants as I clearly had pnd and was angry with her for some unknown reason - er, no I've just had a baby ffs! Sometimes you just have to swallow it and do the "sucking up" iyswim just to keep the peace. This advice cam from my very wise m-i-l.

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