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In resenting my mom for not recognising my hurt

(9 Posts)
lostitoday Tue 03-Nov-09 08:50:20

I have been ttc my 2nd dc for over 2 years and its looking useless.
It has been a rough time as I was diagnosed with pof (premature ovarian failure), thyroid problems, and along with this I have been suffering from depression at the loss of another dc and have been recieivng counselling.
Along with my premature menopause, and thyorid trouble I have not been well with some lousy symptoms as well and I had been off sick for some time.
I have been back at work for 2 weeks and reduced hours as I am taking it easy at the moment.
However I do acknowledge that the money is not enough for me but I am trying to get by before I increase my hours and my dad has had to help me out on mnay occasions.
My mom yesterday never laid off me saying that I am lazy and that I don,t want to work and that I can,t keep relying on her and my dad.
While I get my moms point I am so angry and upset that she seems to have forgot how everyhting came to this in the beginning and how much I am hurting.
She even asks me why I am depressed.
She has not got a clue has no idea how I feel.
Do you think I am unreasonable to feel this way about her at the moment and for her complete lack of support.

LaurieScaryCake Tue 03-Nov-09 08:53:41

Any chance she is just trying to say her and your dad don't want to help you out with money anymore?

It sounds like they have at least practically supported you. Maybe she's not that great at emotional support - do you get that from your DH/DP?

lostitoday Tue 03-Nov-09 08:57:54

She is useless at emotional support and I don,t get support from anyone in the family at the moment I don,t think they know what to say tbh.
My dp keeps saying none of this should matter to me and I should get on with my life.
I feel like this has turned me into a horrible person.

Bonsoir Tue 03-Nov-09 08:59:48

Your family sound very unsympathetic at at time when you are physically and emotionally low, and for justified reasons sad.

Can you talk to a counsellor about how you might get the message across to them a bit better? And just to offload, if your family won't support you.

lostitoday Tue 03-Nov-09 09:07:43

I have no more visits planned with my counsellor at the moment it wasn,t much use to me not sure if I had completely the wrong idea about what counselling would entail, or whether my counsellor was useless.
My hurt is being made worse at the moment by the arrival of a family members newborn which is very much the centre of attention.
It is my older sisters dd that has had the baby and this sister who did give me some support a while ago seems to think nohting now of talking about the baby how she can,t wait for its first smile etc.
I never discuss my feelings with her anymore and she never asks me and when she talks about the baby I feel like screaming I am not coping.

RealityBites Tue 03-Nov-09 09:16:37

Message withdrawn

lostitoday Tue 03-Nov-09 09:24:31

Most of the time my dad offers me the money without me asking but I will admit to asking on occasions. I don,t expect them to do it but I do take the money as I do struggle and I am very grateful for the help.

My mom claims that she has had to go without things becasue of me.
What is upsetting me so much is everyone including my mother seems to have forgot my hurt.
The whole thing is bottled up inside me eating away at me.

thesecondcocking Tue 03-Nov-09 09:41:07

to be honest it's probably eating up at your mum too...
if you involve people in your problems (financial) then you are therefore giving them a green light to comment on anything and everything you do,whether that's have another child/go on holiday/have a takeaway.
it's not anyones fault (including yours) that your sister is pleased with her grandchild-the world doesn't stop because you are having problems.
I do have sympathy with you but it's not all about you all the time-this probably sounds harsh,it's not meant to.
My parents are the same if it helps-they love me as their daughter but don't 'get' me, therefore i have always looked to others outside of the family for emotional support as i can't bear having to justify every decision to a jury of my parents and 5 sisters.
i do hope you get well soon and that things even themselves out a bit-also,is your mum is of a generation that didn't discuss things like depression? Mine doesn't 'get' certain things like 'depression', infertility,redundancy and so has no empathy for people affected by it-i was made redundant a couple of years ago and she still says 'what did you do-you MUST have done something to make them sack you' erm...global recession,not been sacked...
i do feel for you,but think you should stop taking the money off your dad.

fannybanjo Tue 03-Nov-09 09:49:26

Without meaning to sound blunt as I too suffered with years with infertility and problems from having a nasty womb infection, I think your Mum and Dad think (although you have justified reasons) that you need to pull yourself together. It is very hard for people to empathise if they haven't walked in your shoes but because you are relying on them financially, it sounds like they are just wanting you to stand on your own two feet a bit more. Understandable for them to feel that way, maybe you should look at it from their point of view. Dealing with people who are depressed can drain you emotionally as well.

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