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to think people can't really mean some of the stuff they write on here?

(48 Posts)
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 02-Nov-09 14:28:23

I mean, in RL, if a friend said to you ' you won't believe what happened today, I was on the bus/train/whatever and was in obvious [insert difficulty] and no bugger came to help' you'd say, 'oh poor you, what a load of useless twats', rather than 'oh, well, you should have planned it better, you shouldn't have had so many children, you should do this and that differently you useless mare' ?

Sorry, bad form, but I really think people 'speak' to people on MN in a way they really wouldn't in RL. Yes it may be anonymous tinternets, but we are all still people on the other end, no?

slushy06 Mon 02-Nov-09 14:31:46

Kat YANBU People say what they are thinking on mumsnet but in rl they think the same think but say something else.

slushy06 Mon 02-Nov-09 14:32:29

sorry spelling supposed to be thing.

vbusymum1 Mon 02-Nov-09 14:33:00

I've often thought the same about when people write about something that their DH/DP has done and everyone posts to say "oh you must leave him" straight away. Yes, some of the things are really bad, but would you really say that to a friend in RL and how many of us are in a position to just up and leave? I've read a few threads recently where I'm sure the OP just wanted a bit of a moan and must have wished they hadn't bothered so YANBU

wonderingwondering Mon 02-Nov-09 14:33:42

I do get a bit surprised at how riled people get, in a way that they surely wouldn't face-to-face, for fear of being thought rather unhinged. Especially in relation to comments made by a stranger.

Mamazonarocket Mon 02-Nov-09 14:33:42

whilst sometimes its good to have that refreshing honesty. especially in the AIBU threads BUT i agree that sometimes people need to spit some of the venom out before they post.
it really is unecessary in many of the cases

BalloonSlayer Mon 02-Nov-09 14:34:21

Large, quivering, hairy, pendulous bollocks.
















(I wouldn't say that in real life.)

displayuntilbestbefore Mon 02-Nov-09 14:35:11

yanbu. I'm sure the anonymity of MN leads people to react differently - plus we have time to think through our responses (most of us!) before posting.
..and I'd have said that to you in RL too!!

Morloth Mon 02-Nov-09 14:37:44

I don't check myself online like I do in RL. So while I might be thinking "oh you bloody idiot" in RL I won't say it because it could well have consequences for me.

Online though I say what I am thinking.

Aranea Mon 02-Nov-09 14:40:48

Isn't that sort of the point though? If you want to hear 'Oh poor you, everyone else is a twat' then you can talk to your RL friends. If you really want a different perspective on something, ask a load of completely anonymous strangers who have nothing to lose by being honest.

MadameDuBain Mon 02-Nov-09 14:42:38

Yes that's what I like about it! Not only can I say what I think, but I can get an honest answer when I want one. People are more scared of offending each other in RL, which kind of does make sense but is also a bit of a minefield.

Chickenshavenolips Mon 02-Nov-09 14:43:26

BalloonSlayer, I think I love you....grin

LyraSilvertongue Mon 02-Nov-09 14:45:44

YANBU.
People can be unnecessarily agressive and rude when speaking to another MNer anonymously.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 02-Nov-09 14:51:39

Balloonslayer
I might!

Yes, anonymity is a good thing I suppose, in some cases. It can be a good reality check to be told something that your mates might not say in case of offending you.

I'll admit to being a bit U. But mostly R. OK?

Plonker Mon 02-Nov-09 14:52:07

That's what anonymity does for you.

Sometimes it's a good thing (honest!)
Sometimes it's a bad thing (hurt feelings)

I do think it's better not to post on AIBU if you want sympathy though - realistically speaking, you just aint gonna get it there.

Agree that more care should be taken with regards to others' feelings though. Just because the words are written and not spoken doesn't mean they don't hurt sad

I'm often amazed at how some people do think, I have to admit, and I'm afraid it does taint how I feel in RL when I come across certain situations, which is really Not Good.

passthevino Mon 02-Nov-09 14:54:13

YANBU, I completely agree. Have been reading some very OTT and frankly totally sanctimonious responses to minor things of late and it has really put me off posting.

People aren't going to agree on everything obviously but the thread you're referring to in particular was like a bunch of know-it-all school teachers correcting a naughty child!

Agree with Aranea though, I suppose that's what you're in for if you post on a chat forum anonymously!

mrsruffallo Mon 02-Nov-09 14:54:24

shut yer face

UnquietDad Mon 02-Nov-09 14:55:33

The "you must leave him!" reactions are a bit extreme. Usually because the poor bugger has had the temerity to come in and put his feet up after 10 hours down't pit/ in sweaty office, rather than picking up a cloth or stacking the dishwasher before he has even put his helmet/briefcase down.

colditz Mon 02-Nov-09 14:56:54

i would say exactly what I said on that thread.

mrsruffallo Mon 02-Nov-09 14:59:28

Actually it's the 'have you tried counselling?'
brigade that annoy me most of all. And they are trying to be nice.

MadameDuBain Mon 02-Nov-09 15:01:54

Thin ice, UQD...

UnquietDad Mon 02-Nov-09 15:02:36

I make sure not to wear heavy skates.

mrspreg Mon 02-Nov-09 15:08:03

I think its how you word it..you know the I am not trying to be judgy crap really, when clearly we all are judgy on here to post a response to make a speculation or opinion, if the OP posts things that appear judgy then
bang, the judging then starts

thatsnotmymonster Mon 02-Nov-09 15:13:52

YANBU

I have noticed this more and more on the threads I look at. No matter what the topic, some of the responses are just so aggressive.

Sure it's good to be able to get an honest response but it doesn't need to be delivered in such a vitriolic manner! And sometimes people just do want a bit of sympathy- even online!

elmotaughtddtousethepotty Mon 02-Nov-09 15:23:28

YANBU. reading some of the threads there are definitely some posters who either just haven't thought about how they come across, or I wonder if they get off on the anonyimity to release their inner bitch (!).

I like the directness and honesty, as someone said, if you just want a 'friends' response (ie not always totally honest!) you prob shouldn't ask an anonymous internet forum, but on the other hand i strongly think it is possible to be honest and direct whilst remaining civil and ideally fairly pleasant to the OP! even when disagreeing with them.

waiting for the flamers to arrive now and shout diddums at me!! grin

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