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to sonder about being asked to contribute to someone else's "trip of a lifetime"?

(65 Posts)
vezzie Mon 02-Nov-09 12:44:40

Yes, probably.

On one of the "is it grasping and vile to ask for money when you get married" threads I contributed a mini rantette about a certain couple I know who did that and somehow guilted me into giving far too much money I could not afford to Trailfinders for their super amazing antipodean honeymoon. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO GO THERE. So glad you had a nice time. How lovely you look in the pictures. However, it was their honeymoon - a one off - in fact I think the phrase "trip of a lifetime" was used.

HOWEVER now the woman in this couple is sending emails to everyone she knows about raising money to go and do good stuff in Africa. She has a place on an arranged project but needs to raise a fat chunk of sponsorship to get there. At the end of her little spiel about how good it will be for the local community to build all these things they are going to build, she says, "thank you for whatever you can give, it will be the trip of a lifetime."

NOT, you notice, "it will make a huge difference to the lives of everyone who lives there". Basically she has revealed in the last sentence that this is all about her getting to go somewhere exciting and interesting and far away. Again.

So I am feeling really curmudgeonly about this. I am sure - or I hope - this project is genuinely a Very Good Thing. But I am soured to the whole thing by the use of this phrase - for the second time.

I shouldn't penalise the people of this poor village for that. But she is pissing me off.

(This person is not short of a bob or two by the way)


cathcat Mon 02-Nov-09 12:47:42

This woman asked for money to fund her honeymoon? Now she wants more money for a trip? How bizarre. Give her a fiver and think no more of it.

Miggsie Mon 02-Nov-09 12:49:54

Tell her you will contribute direct to the charity in some way, but not to her pocket.

I don't think friends should fund friend's holidays, either they can afford to go or they can't.

And don't ever be blackmailed by the charity thing. I only give to certain charites and I stick to it. One of my quirks.

Oh, and my friends got married so they could furnish their house with the weddding presents...they even supplied the Argos code number for each item they wanted.

Oh and...YANBU

solongpumpkin Mon 02-Nov-09 12:50:31

This sort of thing really annoys me. Its like people who decide to do marathons abroad and need certain amount of sponsorship to be able to do this, which they then badger friends/family for.

These people that do voluntary work abroad are rarely the same people that would check on an elderly neighbour, etc or some other less glamorous pursuit.

ClaireDeLoon Mon 02-Nov-09 12:51:26

Good idea re contribute direct to the charity.

YANBU for being annoyed at all.

potoftea Mon 02-Nov-09 12:51:42

I wouldn't give her even a fiver actually.
E-mail back that you've already committed to certain charities and don't contribute to any others.
Some of these projects are really good, and people do very good work when out there. But I have also contributed to ones which later on I find out were really holidays with a bit of volunteering work thrown in.
If you feel mean then give a donation to some charity that you know does help people in need in Africa.

MadameDuBain Mon 02-Nov-09 12:52:07

I do sometimes hmm a bit about people who need to be sponsored so that they can raise money for this or that by traipsing up kilimanjaro or trekking across nepal. I sometimes think, yes and perhaps it might be even more sensible if you asked us to sponsor you NOT to have the trip of a lifetime so that even more of our money could go to the good cause, hmm?

What this woman is doing sounds even worse! She should pay for it herself - that's the point of being rich and western and using your holiday to volunteer abroad.

Meandacat Mon 02-Nov-09 12:52:16

I would be tempted to look into this project a little more - determine how much of it is bone fide charity work or whether it's a bit of a jolly with some volunteering thrown in.

Chickenshavenolips Mon 02-Nov-09 12:52:25

YANBU. If she wants to go so badly, she should fund it herself.

ineedalifelaundry Mon 02-Nov-09 12:53:40


cheeky mare

I remember a work colleague trying to raise money to "save the turtles" in some south American country (I forget which one).. It turned out she was really after the funds to get herself out there. She got not a penny from me.

GrendelsMum Mon 02-Nov-09 13:01:45

I'm really sceptical about how useful any of these holidays really are, anyway. Surely it would be much better to spend the money paying for local people to complete the works. I personally would donate to a related charity and not to her project.

mayorquimby Mon 02-Nov-09 13:04:22

yanbu these pay for my holiday/bungee jump/sky dive/something else i really want to do but lets pretend i'm doing it for charity piss me the fuck off.
and this is from someone who has had to fundraise for a trip to do humanitarian work. but i paid the majority of my own flight and then organised events that people would get something out of/want to attend rather than just asking for an upfront donation to my holiday

domesticslattern Mon 02-Nov-09 13:05:07

I don't give to these on principle. I lost a friendship over it once. In the event, after clearly telling me that I was a miserable old trout, the person asking for the money had to be airlifted out of the Sahara with heat stroke. Wonder how much that cost. Stick to your guns vezzie.

Abubu Mon 02-Nov-09 13:09:21

Don't give her the money. I have a friend who does this occasionally and I think it is just because she loves going on holiday. I suspect the charity is secondary to her wanting a nice trip away.

Donate the money to another charity instead.

gorionine Mon 02-Nov-09 13:10:08


I would simlply say "No I cannot give you any money for your trip as I am saving to finance my own family holiday, sorry!"

vanimal Mon 02-Nov-09 13:15:14

These sponsorship deals ask for SO much money and then pocket most of it anyway for their admin costs.

I briefly considered doing one in India, but at a cost of 2K, when I cound have flown myself out, found somewhere to stay etc for around £500 really put me off.

If she is really doing it for charity she should just give them the money she makes in sponsorship.

So YANBU - do NOT give her money, give some straight to charity if you want to.

porcamiseria Tue 03-Nov-09 09:17:23

YANBU cheeky fuckers

say that you already give to charity

waitingforbedtime Tue 03-Nov-09 09:20:45

Yanbu. We funded our own honeymoon (but did have a wedding list I was unconfortable with) but our friends did teh trailfinders thing - raised loads of money, waited a few months, went on trip of a lifetime, came back, promptly split up.

OneLonelySock Tue 03-Nov-09 09:40:13

Reminded me of this article on student gap years, mentioning that 'Voluntourism' might not actually be doing any good. Surely it'd be better for local people to "build all these things they are going to build", unless she's a master builder honestly what is she going to contribute that they can't.

I'm with Vanimal on this one, find out how much it'd cost for tickets and travel individually and point this out to your friend, if these companies are true charities, will it matter to them that the volunteers are finding their own way there?

And don't feel guilty, why should you?

pagwatch Tue 03-Nov-09 09:43:02

This is as accurate as I can possibly remember but is a true story.

I was approached by a woman at my DDs nursery.
She wanted to raise money for a charity walk on the Great Wall of China.
"What charity is it for?" I asked.
"One of the cancer ones - does it matter especially?" she said
"well yes," I replied. "as you know pagboy has severe ASD and so we tend to focus on anything to do with that"
"yes, but I heard how you gave £xxx to x boy for particular issue so I figured tyou were rich..." shock and angry
"well how much are you contributing?"
"I was hoping to raise it all through sponsorship" she said

"So you don't give a toss what charity it is and don't intend to put in a penny yourself?
well I don't give money to people for a freeby holiday with the excuse of chritable contribution. This is just you begging for a free holiday. No. Absoloutely not."

........ pause....

" You must have rich friends. Would you ask them. Surely that is the least you can do"

My chin was on the floor at that point

(btw my last response was " actually asking you to fuck off and never speak to me again is the very least I can do". In fairness she did.)

Jamieandhismagictorch Tue 03-Nov-09 09:46:30

pag shock. I wish I could tell people to fuck off out loud at the time, instead of in my head hours later ......

Jamieandhismagictorch Tue 03-Nov-09 09:47:39

OP YANBU. This woman is a cheeky caaah

justaboutautumn Tue 03-Nov-09 09:48:52

Message withdrawn

heartofgold Tue 03-Nov-09 09:50:37

<cheers pagwatch>

Blackduck Tue 03-Nov-09 09:51:32

pag Respect!!

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