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to think people should offer some help to a person travelling alone with three children?

(340 Posts)
emkana Sun 01-Nov-09 20:18:20

I finally lost it when I tried to get off the bus at the longstay car park, trying to stop ds from running off, trying to unfold the pushchair, poor dd (6), bless her, trying to lift out the suitcase for me - and a bus full of people was just sat there, watching us. So I said to dd, but really to people in general "would you believe it that people will just sit and watch a six year old trying to lift a suitcase" to which some w*er replied "well it's not my responsibility is it"


bigchris Sun 01-Nov-09 20:21:22

didnt the driver get out to help?
was it stagecoach?

emkana Sun 01-Nov-09 20:23:07

No it was the courtesy coach provided by the airport to get you from the terminal to the car park. Driver didn't help.

notanumber Sun 01-Nov-09 20:29:28

No-one likes being told off for bad behaviour. It makes them defensive and likely to answer aggressively with something like, "Well it's not my responsibility, is it?"

And, well, it's not their responsibility when it comes down to it, is it?

Can I suggest that you might have got a some help if you had said nicely, "Would someone mind lending a hand here? Got my hands full, as you can see!"

For what it's worth, I would have helped, and I agree that it's often surprising how few people offer in that sort of situation. A sad reflection on the state of our society but attacking people for it doesn't help, in my opinion.

MavisEnderby Sun 01-Nov-09 20:30:03

I have noticed this a lot on buses.If someone gets on now with small dcs I always offer to help or hold the toddlers hand or fold up pushchair,having been there.I have found,interestingly,that older women or younger guys are more likely to help in this situation.Bus drivers come in 2 varieties,those that will offer to help and bend over backwards or miserable sods who humph and glance pointedly at their watch.

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP Sun 01-Nov-09 20:49:05

Judging by some of the threads on here with OPs having a go at people who have tried to help them, I would think twice about 'interfering' in other peoples children for fear of getting a gobfull/smack in the mouth.

cakeywakeywhizzbangmakey Sun 01-Nov-09 20:55:12

I think that a lot of people are scared to offer help in case they are rebuffed, and can feel that they shouldn't approach children.

I find that, it you ask, people are often more than happy to help, but that you often do need to ask.

However, if you were very obviously struggling, it's bit odd for everyone else to just sit there and look. Sounds like a bit of a 'someone else will help with that' situation, so no-one does sad

sparkle12mar08 Sun 01-Nov-09 20:57:43

In all honesty you are unreasonbale to expect them to help, yes. It would be lovely if they volunteered, I agree, but as others have said - it isn't their responsibility, it's yours, and there were far better ways of getting that help than a snide passive-aggressive remark to your daughter. That was almost guaranteed to get you the response it did, sorry. Next time just ask, pleasantly and polictely, with a big smile on your face - works every time for me.

MarshaBrady Sun 01-Nov-09 21:00:01

People won't help as they will assume you are capable of dealing with your three children plus travel.

But if you do need help, a big smile and a 'would you mind giving me a hand...' etc should do the trick.

PeedOffWithNits Sun 01-Nov-09 21:01:15

you should have smiled at the nearest person and asked would they just mind helping you so you didn't hold the bus up. i have given drivers baby to hold before now while i sort out buggy and shopping

i think YOU handled it wrongly IMO

AlaskaNebraska Sun 01-Nov-09 21:01:26

i agree
you took on too much
why should they help
they MIGHT they dont have to

Mutt Sun 01-Nov-09 21:01:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mutt Sun 01-Nov-09 21:02:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluffles Sun 01-Nov-09 21:03:11

it can be VERY hard to know when a stranger needs help and when they'll be strangely offended by your offer hmm

also, most childless people are scared of children...

RatherBeOnThePiste Sun 01-Nov-09 21:03:18

Me and DH would have offered helped you.......

MavisEnderby Sun 01-Nov-09 21:03:30

Sounds like Emkana had had a bad day,though and it IS stressful if you are holding up the bus and so on and easy to get in a fluster.I speak from experience being a regular bus user. and if one of your dcs has sn (Like mine and Emkanas,there is an additional worry as they may not always have understanding and be liable to dash off and so on).

Hope you are feeling better now,Emkana.xx

Hulababy Sun 01-Nov-09 21:06:40

It would be nice for people to help, and quite often people will IME. And I know me and Dh have offered to help others who appear to be struggling, such as helping people down steps with pushchairs, etc.

However a sarcastic comment is not likely to do you favours TBH. Rather that I would suggest just smiling and asking politely if anyone might be able to lend you a hand with the case - I would think that would be more likely to get you someone helping.

emkana Sun 01-Nov-09 21:07:36

I don't think I took on too much, I did manage it in the end after all without any help from anybody. I was frazzled though and therefore didn't have it in me to think about the best approach to get people to help me, I was too busy trying to do eveything at once. My parting shot wasn't meant to get people to help me, it was just to make them feel guilty (or at least some of them), by that stage I had done it all myself anyway.

Ivykaty44 Sun 01-Nov-09 21:10:12

Buy a large rucksac to put on your back when travelling with three small children - then turn around suddenly to stop one of said children from running off and watch the dominio effect grin

Tis sad that no one thought to help, but you could have asked - usually if you find someone and ask if they could help they usually will smile

canihaveapeeinpeacepleasebob Sun 01-Nov-09 21:13:31

I'm sorry but I don't think you should expect people to help you. If someone offers then that's lovely, but why should they be made to feel guilty if they don't.
You chose to take three children out, with all the bags and buggies and everything that it entails and if you couldn't manage without help then maybe you shouldn't have gone.
Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh, it's just my opinion.

mayorquimby Sun 01-Nov-09 21:15:02

he's got a point.
if you want help ask politely ffs, don't give out to people when they don't volunteer.

ImSoNotTelling Sun 01-Nov-09 21:20:35

Yes quite right. If you can't manage with your children and your bags you shouldn't go. Everyone was quite right to sit there and watch you struggle. Why on earth should they help you?


The second thread today to demonstrate how the milk of human kindness really doesn't flow at all any more.

I feel for you emkana.

emkana Sun 01-Nov-09 21:23:25

Thank you, imsonot and mavis

Which was the other thread?

I'm stunned that even on a board of mums you would get a majority response like this

junglist1 Sun 01-Nov-09 21:23:46

My son ran away from me in Chessington a few years back (he's a wild one) tearing through the crowds and not one bastard thought to step in front of him even though I couldn't run as fast. He could have disappeared and got lost. I called them all a bunch of cunts and they had the nerve to stand there gormless. FFS WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it was their responsibility as human beings.

ImSoNotTelling Sun 01-Nov-09 21:25:14

Old people who can't manage stairs well get on my tits too. So bloody slow and always acting as if they want a hand. Sometimes they have a bag too, and you can tell they are hoping someone will offer to help. Arseholes.

If you can't cope with stairs, don't go places with stairs. Easy.

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