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to be upset with my friend

(40 Posts)
gingerbunny Sat 31-Oct-09 17:27:48

we had our ds2 christened last week, one of our closes friends of over 20 years, came with his partner and although they got us a card there was no gift.
Usually I won't be upset by this, but the background is that this friend is godfather to ds1 and pays money every month into a special account for him for when he's older.
Which is a really lovely thing to do for him and we are so grateful for that.
So therefore I was slightly upset when we opened all of ds2 gifts to find nothing from him.
I mulled it over for a week, he even came round for tea yesterday, but never said anything.
So I text him today and said we had some gifts without labels and was one from him.
He replied, 'no sorry, we couldn't find anything that wasn't tatt. I'll get him a cricket shirt next season.'
I'm really upset by this, I didn't expect him to do the same as for ds2, but AIBU to have expected a small token of something.

RubyrubyrubyScaryBin Sat 31-Oct-09 17:29:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PavlovtheWitchesCat Sat 31-Oct-09 17:29:34

YABU. Gifts are not a right, they are to be welcomed but not expected.

kneedeepinthedirtylaundry Sat 31-Oct-09 17:29:53

I think you are being unreasonable, but can understand why you are upset. There is a load of tat out there, and perhaps he does intend to buy ds2 something nice when he can find it.

GibbonWithAnAppleBobbingBibOn Sat 31-Oct-09 17:31:34

YABVU and you asked him? shock

Talk about making him feel small. He is right btw, most Christening gifts are tatt.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Sat 31-Oct-09 17:31:45

yabu he doesn't have to give all that money to ds1 - but does as he is his godchild - this child is just a child of a friend - he looked for something and there wasn't anything suitable so he says he will get you something next time.

melpomene Sat 31-Oct-09 17:33:32

YABVU. I thought that the point of a christening was to welcome a baby and announce one's intention to raise them as a Christian, not to expect/demand presents.

FabioExtremeAngler Sat 31-Oct-09 17:33:56



And what Ruby and Pavlov said.


bigchris Sat 31-Oct-09 17:34:01

how rude to have asked him shock

gingerbunny Sat 31-Oct-09 17:34:53

I guess the main thing is for me is that I would like people to treat my children equally.
This friend will never have children of his own and he is a huge part of both my children's lives.

star6 Sat 31-Oct-09 17:35:01

YABU. Why is buying something for someone a sign of love? It's not. It's just spending money on something and giving something to someone. You should be really happy and appreciative that they attended the christening. I wrote thank you notes to people who gave us gifts at our wedding, but I certaintly didn't keep track of who didn't give us something. I just didn't care. I was happy that they were all there to share it with us. Same with when DS was born / his first birthday...etc.

Heated Sat 31-Oct-09 17:35:45

He sounds like a very generous godfather. YA I'm afraid BU.

LetThereBeRock Sat 31-Oct-09 17:36:03


EccentricaGallumbats Sat 31-Oct-09 17:36:50

surely christening presents are only given by godparents?
if you wanted cash or presents perhaps you should have asked this chap to be DS2s godfather as well?

2shoescreepingthroughblood Sat 31-Oct-09 17:37:00


Tee2072 Sat 31-Oct-09 17:37:19

Not only are very very unreasonable, you are very very rude and gift grabbing to ask him about it. Honestly, if I was your friend I would not only not give DS2 a gift at a future point, but seriously consider cutting down my gift giving to DS1.

Do you even send thank you notes? I would imagine not.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl Sat 31-Oct-09 17:37:32

yes you would like people to treat them the same but they are different children with different relationships with the man in question - you aren't always going to be able to treat your children equally.

what does it matter if this friend will not have his own children does that mean he has to buy your children gifts to make up for that fact?

star6 Sat 31-Oct-09 17:40:51

I am sure that when your ds2 is older and understands, that he will treat them "equally". Am I right in assuming your ds2 is under 2years old at his christening?

hercules1 Sat 31-Oct-09 17:42:12

You better hope he never finds out you started this thread as I expect the money sent to your other child's account will be stopped.

FiveGoMadonTheDanceFloor Sat 31-Oct-09 17:44:04


yes you would like him to treat them equally, but he does not have the same tie to DS2 as he does to DS1.

OvaryActing Sat 31-Oct-09 17:44:06

YABU, but I think I'd be a little miffed in your situation as well, especially as he is such a close friend.

I can see his point of view though. Last year I didn't buy gifts for twins I am very close to because it was all such a load of junk and I couldn't find anything meaningful. I didn't want to buy something just for the sake of it, so didn't bother.

gingerbunny Sat 31-Oct-09 17:44:09

Tee2072, i always make a point of sending thank you notes, that's why i need to find out who the gifts with no labels on are from as I would hate people to think we are ungratful.
So don't judge me on that just because i am upset by something else. They are two completey different things.

kneedeepinthedirtylaundry Sat 31-Oct-09 17:45:31

Jeez, go easy on gingerbunny, she's just getting used to having two kids and presumably has a new baby. I'd imagine if I had a new baby, I'd be hyper sensitive of any inequality and it would take a bit of time to recallibrate things.

gingerbunny Sat 31-Oct-09 17:46:41

Yes my ds2 is under two.
Thank you OvaryActing and kneedeepinthedirtylaundry for understanding and not flaming!!

Tee2072 Sat 31-Oct-09 17:46:50

Actually, they are not, gingerbunny. Rude is rude. And you were very very rude to your friend.

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