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to expect a mum to stay on first playdate?

(57 Posts)
pofacedandproud Fri 30-Oct-09 17:36:56

Ds is in reception. A mum rang up to arrange a play date, I don't know her, I don't know her ds, though my ds does. I invited them for tea. After ten minutes she got up and said she's be back in an hour. I was surprised but wanted to be polite and said ok. I spent the next hour and a half trying to entertain her ds, who seemed bewildered and withdrawn [he is only just 4] and when she came back and asked if he'd had a nice time he shook his head. She said 'what happened?' I just said he'd been a bit quiet. I really don't feel comfortable being put in that position with a child I don't know. Am I being silly?

Clayhead Fri 30-Oct-09 17:39:13

I would not expect a mum to stay on a Reception aged child's playdate but then I have usually picked the child up straight from school.

Morloth Fri 30-Oct-09 17:39:46

I think the accepted thing (around here any way) is drop and run with playdates, with maybe a cuppa at pick up/dropoff.

I have learned that if I want the mum to stay for a chat I need to clearly invite her as well.

norksonmywitchesbroomstick Fri 30-Oct-09 17:40:51

I would not have expected her to stay either, although it does seem odd that she rang you, and came to yours when she initiated the playdate

ruddynorah Fri 30-Oct-09 17:41:52

what was your ds doing? the idea is that the kids play together, not really involving you. is it a friend your ds talks about?

DiamondHead Fri 30-Oct-09 17:42:00

No, I've never had a Mum stay on a reception play date, although it does sound like she hadn't prepared her ds particularly well.

pofacedandproud Fri 30-Oct-09 17:47:49

Yes it is a friend my ds talks about, and I did invite her when she rang so I don't mind that, but her ds does seem very young, and they seemed to be at a bit of a loss at what to play after half an hour or so, whereas ds usually charges around with his friends. Maybe I am being silly. I just felt as we didn't know each other it might be better to stay for the first time.

OscarByTheSea Fri 30-Oct-09 17:49:19

I would have expected her to stay if it was the first play-date and especially if he DC were only in reception. The norm around here (my son is also in reception) seems to be for the parent to stay, get to know one another, then if everything seems fine no need for parent to stay on the next play-date just pick-up after school.

And yes, I also think it's a bit odd she called you but then came to your place instead of calling and inviting your DC to hers.

Morloth Fri 30-Oct-09 17:49:24

I had the weirdest playdate the other day. One of my neighbours up the street who I have seen around (but don't really know) invited DS for a playdate, I knew her son was a bit younger but hadn't really been paying attention. Turns out her DS is just on 2 (DS is 5) - not a lot of crossover for play opportunities there. It was very strange, she wanted me to play with the children and sing along with them etc.

I felt like Wednesday Addams at that summer camp. grin

Sorry for thread hijack but it was weird.

OscarByTheSea Fri 30-Oct-09 17:51:02

Oh ok, you invited her. x-posted

AlaskaNebraska Fri 30-Oct-09 17:51:27

why have it if kids too young

OscarByTheSea Fri 30-Oct-09 17:52:48

Morloth, how odd.

AlaskaNebraska Fri 30-Oct-09 17:54:06

god the POINT of htem is to get rid of your kids for an hour shurely>?

Tambajam Fri 30-Oct-09 17:55:18

OK. Clearly I come from Weirdtown because in Reception here EVERYONE stayed for the first playdate and only started to withdraw once we all got more familiar with each other.

Even in Y1 some kids still prefer their mums/ nannies to hang around (although many are fine).

pofacedandproud Fri 30-Oct-09 17:56:22

Message withdrawn

pofacedandproud Fri 30-Oct-09 17:57:26

Yes get rid fine but know the parent/child first?

pofacedandproud Fri 30-Oct-09 18:06:45

sorry didn't think have withdrawn that previous post.

Twintummy Fri 30-Oct-09 19:24:35

I've never been invited to stay! I've always collected from school so I guess if I went to the house with my 4 year olds they would expect me to stay and be slightly shellshocked if I ran off and left them.

madamearcati Fri 30-Oct-09 19:25:23

Never ever had a parent of any aged child stay for a playdate.

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 30-Oct-09 19:29:57

Message withdrawn

MillyR Fri 30-Oct-09 19:34:58

I have never heard of adults accompanying children 'round for tea.'

Why would anyone want to go around and spend time in the house of some random person just because their children are friends?

messalina Fri 30-Oct-09 19:40:08

My DD is far too young for playdates but I would expect a mother to stay for the first one when her son is only just four. And if it goes well, she needn't stay the next time. And you did invite her too, you say.

AlaskaNebraska Fri 30-Oct-09 20:07:15

i once wnet to this mad mums and she insited on playing animatedl wih her kid as my kid stood there feeling left out

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 30-Oct-09 20:12:36

you accept play dates so you get a few more hours of freedom grin

tbh mum prob wanted to meet you/say hello then go and do some errands

so quite normal for mum to leave - if dc gets asked to play after school then that mum picks her up, and i will collect her and possibly stay for a cuppa if have 5mins

pofacedandproud Fri 30-Oct-09 20:16:59

Ah well that's me told. grin

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