or just a complete skinflint?????

[Pushingonthrough]

OK so, I have a friend who I often go out for lunch with with our dcs. She has 3 dcs and I have 2.

We usually go to Pizza Express or somewhere similar and get the childrens set menu. I usually get my dd1 one drink of juice and then tap water thereafter. DD2 has her own cup of juice bought from home. My friend is less strict and is pretty free with the drinks for her children.

So along comes the bill and it is expected that we split it every time (ie waitress asks and friend always says to split 50/50). As a result I always end up feeling like I've over paid by about £10 - £15. I'm quite happy to split a bill usually, but I'm starting to feel a bit narked that I'm always the one paying over the odds for our meal.

So am I being a complete tight wad???

[bigchris]

i would expect to split it 50:50 tbh
why dont you just go to the park if eating out causes resentment or have them round yours for pizza?

[TheDemonicButDandyLioness]

Hmm. Not a straightforward one really.

If it was just a one off, then I would say YABU.

But it isn't a one-off. And what would bug me is that your friend is always saying to split it 50/50. Even though I would usually say, 'oh let's just split it, it's fine', it's nice when people recognise that they've had more and offer to pay accordingly.

However, I can't see how you can be paying £10-15 over what you should. A kid's meal is about a £5, right? So half of that is £2.50. Then you'll pay half for the drinks. There would have to be a fair few drinks to get you up to £10.

Next time, I'd tell her before you go to the restaurant that you're on a very tight budget, and that you're afraid you'll be watching how much you spend and would like to pay for what you had.

[texasghouldem]

No I don't think you are a tight wad but you should maybe say before you order that you should just each pay for what you have as your DD's dont really order that much, especially as one doesnt even order a drink!

If it's a regular thing then all the money you are over paying will add up so better to sort it out now and save yourself some money.

[Louby3000]

If it is as much as you say then I would stop going out for food altogether and take turns at having lunch at each others house. Or if she is a good mate then surely you can say, "we are watching every penny at the mo, so I am going to get a separate check at the restaurant so I can monitor what I am spending and not splurge on lunch, sorry to be a pain!" how can she mind about that??
Your not being tight, if its a problem for you not to go dutch then you should be able to say something, £10/wk is alot over the year.

[Pushingonthrough]

Hi, thanks for your replies

Lioness, It really adds up because where my two have one drink between them my friends dcs often have at least 2 and usually 3 drinks each. At 2 quid a pop that's quite a bit extra on the bill (£18 to be exact!).

It probably stemmed from the first couple of times we went out and agreed to go 50/50 (as I would usually do with friends). I guess it was just taken as wrote that we carry on this way.

It would be a shame to stop going out together as the children do really enjoy it. I guess we could do the park and sandwiches thing and just go out to a restaurant on occasion.

[idlingabout]

Of course YANBU - she has 3 kids to your 2; clearly you are subsidising her.
We used to have this problem all the time with family get togthers; I and DB have just one child each whereas DSis has 3. Once they all got to the stage of ordering meals, I had to put by foot down about splitting bills three ways as we were subsidising dSis significantly.

[Firawla]

i think yanbu as the issue seems to be she has come to expect it and take it for granted yet its her spending alot more every time, not as if sometimes yours is more and sometimes hers

[mummyofevilprincesses]

If I go anywhere like Pizza Express, I always do a quick internet search for money off deals- saves a fortune!

[nula]

of course yanbu.
It's the extra drinks that really bump up the cost of a meal, and she has 3 kids to your 2.

She is taking the piss or perhaps just thoughtless

[tiredfeet]

YANBU, If I go out for a meal and have had say more drinks or a more expensive meal than the other person/ people then I always make sure I pay for everything I ordered, I would hate to feel someone had subsidised my meal out. I am always amazed by people who order a much more expensive meal than other people or many more drinks but then think its fine to split the bill equally at the end, very thoughtless/ ruded.

I think some gentle comment of being on a budget/ only having so much cash on you, one time might work, i.e. find a tactful way of saying that you're only going to pay for what you order.

[TeamAlesha]

YANBU

Next time, I would say upfront that you don't have loads of cash, so you will just get be paying for what you order this time.

If I was the friend I would never do this.

[Pushingonthrough]

Hi, sorry not been able to log on until now.

Thank you all for your replies - The vouchers idea is a great one. I'll def print a few of those off before the next outing. I don't mind paying a bit extra if there's already a huge discount anyway!

The run up to christmas is probably the best time to bring up the money issue anyway as I'll have a good excuse to introduce the cash saving excuse (not that I should really need one!). Hopefully that will break the expectation of splitting in the future.

Thank you all for making me feel less stingy about the whole thing