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to be a leeeetle bit peed off with inlaws - dh thinks Im being OTT

(68 Posts)
mosschops30 Wed 28-Oct-09 11:01:53

Well I am heavily pregnant (my excuse for everything atm grin)

My IL's are young and fit, they live about 5-10 minutes drive from our house.
They do help out with sitting sometimes although we rarely ask them unless one of us is ill, or we have a rare night out, even then, we always have to take the kids to them, they never come here (so if we go out for a meal, we take kids over, go out and eat, have to go back and pick kids up, then come home) hmm

Anyway dh has to work tonight, and I have a treatment booked, so I asked IL's if one of them would come up and have kids for an hour.
And they said 'yes but can you bring them down because we dont really want to have to drive home at that time of night - 9pm)!!!!!!
So I said it kind of defeated me having a relaxing pregnancy treatment if I had to drive over there, get kids in car, come home, get kids to bed etc) thats an hour of massage wasted IMHO.
They then agreed they would come up just this once as a favour shock

DH says Im being stupid, but I dont think it was asking much so AIBU??

MamaG Wed 28-Oct-09 11:06:21

YANBU at all dear grin

I didn't realise you were heavily pg, congratulations, don't think you've mentioned it before on MN <snurk>

Silly old ILs

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding Wed 28-Oct-09 11:06:47

My Mum also does not like to drive in the dark so is happy to babysit if the Dc's go there. BUT she keeps them over night-so huazzah! we get a lie in too boot.

I can see that it's annoying that they seem so feeble and unhelpful, but when you ask people for a favour you have to be grateful for whatver others will do for you, even Inlaws and parents.

It's not thier job to do this it's a favour.

I'd be peeved too, but it is a bit tough so take what you can get.

MamaG Wed 28-Oct-09 11:08:59

I think though that when someone is heavily pg you can and SHOULD go a bit further than you might normally.

mosschops30 Wed 28-Oct-09 11:11:12

lol @ Mamag as usual grin nice to have you back hope youre feeling better

baroness what annoys me is that if single loser BIL phones for a lift to city centre to go out drinking then they'll take him anytime, which is why I dont understand the argument about driving, as they both lead full and active lives, MIL plays golf about 3 times a week and comes home at varying times.
Also I wouldnt mind if they were offering to have the kids overnight but like I said many times we've been out for a meal and then have to go and pick dc's up at 9 or 10pm drag them out in the dark and bring them home.

ZacharyQuack Wed 28-Oct-09 11:15:35

Maybe they don't like your house. Is your sofa uncomfy? Don't you get the right TV channels? Do you buy the right teabags? Is it a bit.... smelly? wink

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding Wed 28-Oct-09 11:16:48

Well yeah, you'd think so wouldn't you?Does appear an unreasonable rquest.

But lots of people have wierdy rules about what they will/won't do (MN has opened my eyes to this) and maybe the driving in the dark is one of their things (if you're this kind of person you probably have lots more rules).

I can uderstand being pissed off, but you have to shrug it off.

Also lots of preagnant women do make numerous unlimited demands on others on account of 'being pregnant' (not saying Mosschops is one of these or this is one of those stuations), but there is alot of that about too, which is equally annoying as feeble anally controlling people with list of what they can/can't/will/won't do.

mosschops30 Wed 28-Oct-09 11:16:59

tis nicer than their dog hair strewn place.

Sofa is very nice from M&S thank you
Tea bags are PG Tips
Will not smell today as being cleaned by dd this afternoon grin

ronshar Wed 28-Oct-09 11:18:51

I hope you have someone else to rely on when you go into labour!
If its dark will they expect you to hang on until morning and drop off the children on your way to the hospital?wink

mosschops30 Wed 28-Oct-09 11:19:15

yes but like I said driving in the dark is NOT one of their things - when it suits obviously.

And no lol {wink] i have not been feeble pregnant woman, have walked ds to school everyday despite having car on drive, have kept fit and active since giving up work early and havent really asked them to do much apart from take ds and pick him up for 2 days when I had flu (then dh did the rest)

diddl Wed 28-Oct-09 11:21:50

You are sounding a little precious tbh.

Better a night out & collect the children than no night out?

But if they are so close, could they not be fetched to babysit & taken back if they don´t like to drive?-assuming that hasn´t been suggested,of course!

mosschops30 Wed 28-Oct-09 11:22:23

lol ronshar dh actually said the other day that when I go into labour we'll have to drop the dc's off at his parents on way to hospital shock angry

Absolutely darling I dont mind waiting whilst you organise stuff for the dc's in the middle of the night or whatever, then take a short detour to IL's to drop of dc's whilst Im screaming in agony!!!

I jest but I think thats what everyone is expecting, I dont think for a minute they will race the 10 minutes to our house, they'll sit and wait for us to drop them off. Evene when I had ds we had to call in on way home from hospital to see MIL, even though it was the last thing I felt like doing

Ooh think this thread has wound me up even more now angry grin damm pregnancy hormones

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding Wed 28-Oct-09 11:22:48

SORRy that was menat to be doesn't appear an unreasonabel request.

If they only won't do stuff for you you need to ask yourself why? Wgat idea have they i thier head about you and helping out that makes them releuctant?

Do they think you ask too much?
Do they think you have a lovely easy life anyeay and don't appreciate it enough?
Are you attentive enough to their perfect son who works very hard?
Do you not understand how hard things are for them sometimes?

these are a few suggestion of course there could be thousands of others, byt if they're only reluctant to help you then there must be a reason (in thier minds) for this.

Family relationships are built on years and layers of unspoken hurt feelings, suppressed injustice, misunderstaning and misinterprestaion of others intentions.

belive me I know. Bloody In laws.

mosschops30 Wed 28-Oct-09 11:24:48

ok last time im going to say it


there, and relax smile

Yes diddl normally thats fine, and we do that and pick up dc's after night out, but for once, at the end of my pregnancy I am having a massage and reiki, would you not think theyd say 'yeah ok one of us will sit in your house for an hour til 9pm'

Hardly asking for the earth IMO, its 9pm on a wednesday evening, when I get back dc's will be in bed and I can go to bed too to carry on relaxing

pleasechange Wed 28-Oct-09 11:26:07

YANBU, or precious, at all

I don't understand what the big deal is. So many gp's complain about not seeing the GC's enough, so you'd think they'd be happy to help, and it really doesn't sound like you ask much

My ILs have never even offered to babysit once in 16 months

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding Wed 28-Oct-09 11:26:41

OK got that thanksgrin.

mosschops30 Wed 28-Oct-09 11:26:47

oh baroness - so many answers to those and so little time wink

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding Wed 28-Oct-09 11:27:59

Why do you think they won't do it?

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding Wed 28-Oct-09 11:28:41

Just food for thought answers not requiredgrin.

Lizzylou Wed 28-Oct-09 11:29:19

Berlimey, Mosschops, you are going to need that massage woman, and breathe.

YANBU, they sound very obstinate and unaccommodating.

mosschops30 Wed 28-Oct-09 11:29:40

wont do what?

Alibooobaandthe40phantoms Wed 28-Oct-09 11:30:12

YANBU at all.

Cannot believe that DH is planning to drop the DCs with them when you go into labour!! You need to put a stop to that thought process right away.

Enjoy your massage envy

mosschops30 Wed 28-Oct-09 11:31:18

no thats unfair, they are not unaccommodating, but I just thought that they could have just 'yeah fine one of us will come up for an hour' rather than making the point about them not wanting to and why couldnt I take dc's down there.

I dont mind if they moaned about it between themselves then.
Its only a one off, we NEVER ask them to come up here

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding Wed 28-Oct-09 11:31:40

My point is-in thier mind there is a reason for this which seems reasonable to them, if you think about what that might be, whilst you may not agree with their thinking, it does help with some accpetance that this has some logic to them beyond 'we are a couple of lazy areases and we're not going to help heavily pregnant DIL' which is not, I imagine, what they are thinking.

PotPourri Wed 28-Oct-09 11:37:07

I sympathise. Is there anyone else can look after DC while you go off and have the baby? Maybe a neighbour who would be happy to come round and stay overnight until the morning when GPs arrive - or perhaps a couple who could come down, one collect the GPs and then head off home once they are at your house?

I had something like your situation to contend with - different, but same overall having to sort yourself out thing. Don't just hope for the best. Get a plan in place that does not hold you up - it's the last thing you need when in labour!! And you will resent them even more if you are let down on the day.

Regarding massage - just do what they want this time, and make sure you send their PJs with them so that they can go straight to bed when you get home. And ENJOY the massage. You need the chill out. P.S. At least you don't need to go home to them being in your house, and having to make them a cuppa to be polite...

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