To expect dd to stay home for a couple of hours and do some chores?

[mosschops30]

Ok, I know that sounds mean but here's the story, last week she was unbearable (some of you will know the sanitary towel thread). However she promised me that this week she would be on her best behaviour if she could go to a party on thursday night.
Being 'good' means doing your homework, keeping your room reasonably tidy and being in bed with light off at agreed time.

This week was full of things so neither dd (13) or ds (5) got bored
dd away with grandma sunday and monday
dd and ds swimming tuesday
dd and ds cinema today
dd shopping with friend then party thursday
ds and dd swimming with uncle on friday
dd and ds separate parties on saturday for halloween
(wish my social life was this fun )

So I had asked dd if she would help me with the cleaning on friday as am 38 wks pg and she said she would.
Last night I go upstairs 40 minutes after she's supposed to have light off and shes sitting on the bed smirking at me watching tv.
I was cross and asked why she had only lasted a day of our agreement, she said she would do it from now on begging to still go to party and shopping on thursday.
I told her that she would have to miss out on cinema today and could stay home and hoover and dust whilst we were out but I would still let her go with her friends on thursday.

She thinks this is totally unreasonable, but how can I make her see that there are consequences for your actions and that you cant behave as you please and still have everything you want. She is making me feel like the ugly stepmother in cinderella.

Am I doing the right thing?

[pranma]

You are actually being very very reasonable!

[mosschops30]

Yes well a part of me feels I have to make some stand but the way she is behaving its like she's some sort of abused child!!

She has just got up and waltzed downstairs in shorts and a pretty vest top, at which point I reminded her about our conversation last night, and that its almost November and needed to change - cue stomps off upstairs probably sticking needles in a voodoo doll of me as we speak

[Nekabu]

Why do you think "To expect dd to stay home for a couple of hours and do some chores?" sounds mean? Your dd is part of your family and lives in your family home. Families and homes both generate chores! Why is it mean or unreasonable to expect her to contribute? If she coasts along not doing her share of chores, not learning that there are consequences to her actions and that, even at 13, she has responsibilities, she is going to have a hell of a culture shock in a few years time when she starts life as an adult.

Stick to your guns! YANBU in the slightest!

[mosschops30]

Well I think its just that shes making me feel guilty for excluding her from the cinema today
I wouldnt dream of asking either child to clean normally, but Im too fat and tired and obviously cant lift hoover upstairs atm so thats why Im getting dd to do it today.
Normally just expect them to keep rooms tiday and put their mess away etc - ds (5) does this much better and can even distinguish between washing piles lol much to his fathers disgust

[Nekabu]

Why wouldn't you normally dream of asking either child to clean? They also use the other areas of the house, not just their bedrooms. There is a happy medium between child slavery and not lifting a finger!

[GibbonWithAnAppleBobbingBibOn]

YANBU

I always had chores and will do the same with DD.