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to hang up on MIL?

(63 Posts)
Jux Tue 27-Oct-09 16:03:57

Background: DD has been staying with MIL and sFIL since Sunday afternoon. They're 150m away.

Yesterday, we got a sad little phone call from dd, as they'd gone to a stately home (which dd had been wanting to see for over a year), but sFIL dragged her through really really fast so they could have a nice walk in the gardens and look at the pretty flowers. DD had particularly wanted to see this House (had abortive trip to it last year with ILs for similar reason).

Today they were meant to be going into local large town for shopping - girly shopping for dd. sFIL tried to get out of it and then gave in with bad grace (he needn't have gone - he could have left dd and MIL to go together while he played golf or something). Anyway, got call from dd half an hour ago; it was clear things had gone badly in the morning and dd was left with SIL in town to do shopping, while sFIL and MIL went home. Ah, well, dh is on his way to get her now anyway, and she's having a great time with SIL doing the girly stuff.

Just got a call from MIL, checking when dh is getting to her (they've only been checking the time for the last 2 days!). Anyway, he'd left late so I said he'd be a bit late. She tells me he's meant to be picking dd up from SIL's. Then she tells me SIL is at home (nowhere near where they're shopping, nowhere near MIL's either). I say he can't pick dd up from SIL's as she isn't there, they're in town shopping. She says that SIL is there, but that dh will be picking up dd from her's (MIL's). I ask how dd is meant to be getting from SIL's to MIL's, so she tells me again that dh is picking up dd from SIL's. Then she tells me that dd will be coming from SIL's station to MIL's, and, again, that SIL is at home.

I know that dh is not picking dd up from SIL's. She and he haven't been speaking for years. He is happy for dd to see SIL, so long as he doesn't have to.

DD is 10. There is no way she can get from SIL's to MIL's on her own (or indeed the town they're shopping in) - she'll forget which station to get off, and she won't know the way from the station.

I am convinced that SIL is going to take dd back to MIL's. I am more than convinced, am absolutely 100% certain. MIL is talking nonsense. She does quite often. She had just started on the 3rd round of the conversation when I said "I have to go now" and hung up, leaving her mid-sentence.

RealityBites Tue 27-Oct-09 16:07:06

Message withdrawn

Leeka Tue 27-Oct-09 16:07:39

Of course YABU, why couldn't you just politely say, "Ok, thanks, bye", then ignore what she was saying without having to be rude?

The abortive stately home visit is neither here not there, although sad that your dd didn't have as much of a nice visit as you would all hope.

traceybath Tue 27-Oct-09 16:07:55

Sorry - like reality i'm confused.

RealityBites Tue 27-Oct-09 16:07:58

Message withdrawn

KimiTheThreadSlayingAxeKiller Tue 27-Oct-09 16:17:52

ALSO CONFUSED

whoooooisasking Tue 27-Oct-09 16:28:33

Nope. Lost it at MIL said DH should get DD from SIL but SIL shopping but DH should pick DD up from her (MIL)

prettyfly1 Tue 27-Oct-09 16:28:53

dont really understand either?

MmeGoblindt Tue 27-Oct-09 16:31:35

<joins the others in the confused corner>

Is it a problem that your DH will have to see his sister?

bigchris Tue 27-Oct-09 16:36:48

is your mil trying to get her two children speaking again?

ZZZenAgain Tue 27-Oct-09 16:37:14

your dd rang you saying grandparents had left her with your SIL shopping in town and gone back home. Your dh is on his way into town to pick her up where she is shopping?

Is that it?

Then MIL rang you saying dh should come and pick dd up from the grandparents although you know she is not there and dh is on the way to get her in town and you are fed up because she is rabbiting on and the whole time doesn't seem to know exactly where your dd is.

Have I got it?

ZZZenAgain Tue 27-Oct-09 16:39:15

so you feel they are a bit doddery/batty and not taking looking after dd seriously enough or not being very reliable about it -something like that?

posieparksherbroom Tue 27-Oct-09 16:40:13

Confused too many sil/mils for me!!

Glitterknickaz Tue 27-Oct-09 16:40:34

I really don't understand what the heck you are on about...

MorrisZapp Tue 27-Oct-09 16:41:33

Dinnae get it.

MissWooWoo Tue 27-Oct-09 16:43:44

hmm have you been on the sherry love?

Louby3000 Tue 27-Oct-09 16:44:37

I am totally bamboozled by this, who is being picked up by whom? what is the issue here? very very CONFUSING POST OP

ZZZenAgain Tue 27-Oct-09 16:45:01

in future, I think you or dh or SIL or some other adult you feel is taking reliable charge of dd will have to accompany her when she is out with the ILs for your own peace of mind.

Jux Tue 27-Oct-09 16:47:05

Yes, I felt like that too. We'd gone round it a couple of times until I thought I was going mad as it is quite impossible to understand what MIL is saying/doing.

She starts off saying dd will be with her at her place for dh to pick up as arranged.

Then she says dd will be at SIL's for dh to pick up (only there is no way for dh to know this).

Then she says SIL is at home and she will phone her there now, even though SIL is with dd shopping in another town.

Then she says dd will be picked up from her's (MIL's) even though apparently she is at SIL's (even though she isn't - she's in town with SIL, I know because I've just spoken to her on the phone).

When I ask how dd is to get from SIL's to MIL's, MIL says not to worry as SIL is at home (she isn't, and I do worry - or would if I took it seriously).

Then she says something else. Then she says something else. Then she starts again.

I'm sorry my OP confused people.grin That's why I hung up, because we could have done this for an hour (I have done it for an hour before now.)

(It would be a huge problem for dh to see his sister, but not my problem. There's been a feud between them for years. It is quite likely that MIL will tell dd that dh is a horrible daddy and how sad it is that dd has such a horrible daddy etc etc etc if things kick off between dh and SIL, but that is by the bye and probably won't happen as it's unlikely the two will meet and I'm not even going to think about it until it happens.)

whoooooisasking Tue 27-Oct-09 16:48:43

YANBU (i think)

RealityBites Tue 27-Oct-09 16:49:17

Message withdrawn

EccentricaGallumbats Tue 27-Oct-09 16:49:41

i think perhaps the prblem is that Op now has no idea where DD will be,whether at MILs or SILs or indeed even shopping in town with SIL despite MIL telling OP that SIL is at home. Then MIL told OP the DD will be at SILs then changed her mind and told OP that DD will be at MILs. Now OP doesn't know if DD will be somewhere on a train on her own at age 10 shock or at MILs or SILs.

Nop you are not U at all in hanging up on her. she is a loon.

Jux Tue 27-Oct-09 16:49:51

Oh, and Leeka, I'd said something like that several times already, but MIL will not stop once she has started. Otherwise, you'd be quite right, it would have been even ruder than it was.

waitingforbedtime Tue 27-Oct-09 16:50:13

No idea at all what youre talking about. Also, I think unless someone is being abusive it is NEVER ok to hang up and leave someone mid sentence so YABU.

ZZZenAgain Tue 27-Oct-09 16:50:41

yes, could feel your nerves were frayed. Well no wonder. I would want people to know where exactly my 10 year old is.

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