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Of course not... right?!

(26 Posts)
shubiedoo Tue 27-Oct-09 15:17:12

Last night I went to a dance class, for the first time since dd was born, she's 8 months, the boys are 6 and 2. It's been hard to get out on my own before bedtime until recently, she's taking a bottle much better these days. All the kids went to bed fine.
After my class I did the food shopping, it was after 10 by the time I got home. No sign of dh, I thought he must be asleep, but the lights were on downstairs etc.
So I went in and out to the car at least 4 times bringing in all the food, putting it away, and then once that was done, went online for maybe 5 minutes. Then I thought I heard the toilet flushing.
I went up to get my pyjamas (we've been sleeping separately so I can get the baby in the night, separate topic there!) and say goodnight to dh. He was in bed but obviously not asleep as he'd just been to the bathroom!
I was a little annoyed that he was up and could hear me put shopping away and didn't come down to help me and ask about my evening.
This morning I told him so and he got cross, saying he was tired and if I wanted him to help, why didn't I come up and get him. I think he was being selfish and rude, (but didn't say exactly that!).
Not a big deal really, just wanted to vent!

LoveBeingAMummy Tue 27-Oct-09 15:18:30


Snooch Tue 27-Oct-09 15:43:13

YANBU, but to be honest, I think a lot of men would do this - mine certainly would! AND I'd be pretty pissed off about it too! Some men can be thoughtless in situations like this - infact, they'd probably not give it a second thought if it was the other way round...

ImSoNotTelling Tue 27-Oct-09 15:48:13

I can easily imagine hearing DH coming home and pottering around when I'm snuggled in bed and not getting up to help & socialise etc blush

I think neither one of you is unreasonable.

diddl Tue 27-Oct-09 15:51:14

I also find if you want help it´s best to ask.

But how do you know he hadn´t previously been asleep?

And would he have heard you in and out to the car & putting things away?

Alibooobaandthe40phantoms Tue 27-Oct-09 15:51:16

YANBU. I would expect DH to come down in a similar situation, and he definitely would, he always does.
I would do the same unless I was actually asleep.

minimoonumbertwo Tue 27-Oct-09 15:52:18

yanbu but my dh would do exactly the same. He probably wouldn't realise i was putting the shopping away. The annoying thing is that you would have got up and helped him if it was the other way round. So yanbu but i wouldn't expect an apology!!! And well done for having a night out AND doing the shopping - that's another thing that would annoy me, they would never multitask in the way that we do. ANYWAY glad you had a nice time and don't let it be ruined by typical male behaviour!!

sticktoyourgins Tue 27-Oct-09 15:55:42

YABU. He was nice and snug in bed, why should he get up and go out into the cold night air to get the shopping in? The little petal might catch a chill or something wink

hercules1 Tue 27-Oct-09 16:00:27

How is it typical male behaviour hmm?
Such stereotyping...

Yabu. I wouldnt have got out of bed if I'd been your dh. Putting the shopping away isnt that hard.

Leeka Tue 27-Oct-09 16:04:04

I often stay in bed when I hear dp come in late, I wouldn't get up whether he had shopping with him or not. And how would he know you had shopping to unload, perhaps he thought you were opening and shutting cupboard doors to get yourself a snack or something?

You're deffo being unreasonable!

lou031205 Tue 27-Oct-09 16:07:37

YABU. If he was undressed and in bed, he shouldn't have to get up & help you in with the shopping. I wouldn't.

curiositykilled Tue 27-Oct-09 16:08:01

YABU, he's completely correct. You should have asked if you wanted help.

TrillianSlasher Tue 27-Oct-09 16:09:20

YABU, because I would be happy to stay in bed myself.

And anyone who says 'typical male behaviour' is BU too.

Lavenderfleurs Tue 27-Oct-09 16:12:51

YABU, if I was tired out from looking after dc the last thing I would want to do is dash down to the kitchen to ask my dh about his night out so I wouldn't and I wouldn't expect to be called rude for it either.

minimoonumbertwo Tue 27-Oct-09 16:15:18

oh dear...

OrmIrian Tue 27-Oct-09 16:17:42

YABU. I wouldn't get up in that scenario. He might have been asleep when you got in.

MissWooWoo Tue 27-Oct-09 16:23:54

YAB abit U. Granted, it would have been nice to have someone to chat to about your (very well deserved) night out but the man was in bed.

How would you feel, honestly, if the boot was on the other foot and he got you out of bed to put away the shopping?!

ShinyAndNew Tue 27-Oct-09 16:31:42

I think YABU. I would be livid if DH got me out of bed to help with the shopping. Even if I had just got up to go to the loo.

ReneRusso Tue 27-Oct-09 16:32:01

If I was in bed in that scenario I would stay put. He probably felt he deserved an early night. YABU.

benjysmum Tue 27-Oct-09 16:38:37

YAB a bit U. My DH would get up to help but I must admit I wouldn't get up to help him if the situation was reversed blush. People are just different.

MorrisZapp Tue 27-Oct-09 16:40:42


Once in bed nobody has to get up, short of emergency I'd have said.

Meandacat Tue 27-Oct-09 16:44:00

YANBU... BUT It has taken me over 15 years to realise that if I want DH's help with anything in the house, (mostly) I just have to ask. He's not being horrible - things just don't occur to him. I think that's just the way some men are wired.

mychildrenarebarmy Tue 27-Oct-09 16:46:13

I'd have done the same as him TBH. Short of an emergency nothing is getting me out of my lovely, snug bed. I am with him too I'm afraid on the bit about if you wanted him to help you should have asked.

FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities Tue 27-Oct-09 16:50:25

YABU, he had gone to bed.

shubiedoo Tue 27-Oct-09 16:59:46

Wow, I'm surprised at all the responses, thanks everyone.

I guess my point is I wouldn't have been cross if he had been asleep, I really thought he was until I heard him upstairs. Of course he's entitled to an early night now and then! And I wouldn't want him to come out to the car in his pyjamas, just maybe say hello and help me a bit with putting the food away.

It would take a lot to sleep through me opening and closing the door though, and he knew I was going to the shop afterwards (maybe not to get quite so much stuff.)

But it's really good to see both sides of it.

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