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To worry that DH is excluding his family from DS's life.....

(2 Posts)
cailin1974 Tue 27-Oct-09 13:44:34

Long back story which I wont go into but in a nutshell they have only just come back into our lives. A family fall out years ago has meant there has been no/limited contact in past 15 years. Birth of DS 13 months ago brought his 2 sisters back into our lives. Their brother however has refused contact. A few weeks ago DH found out that brothers DS got married at a big family wedding several months ago and that all were told not to tell DH.

DH had sent letter to his brother and talked to sisters about re-establishing contact with him over the past 13 months ? DH is upset they hid this secret but encouraged him in his contact with his brother.

DH has now decided that all contact should be cut. His sister sent an email setting out the fact that she hasn?t been honest but would like to meet and talk as she would like to get be closer to him and wants to be part of DS?s life but that she will respect his wishes if he says no.

DH points is that if sisters kids had 21st birthday or got married we wouldn?t be invited as brother will be there. So we will always be outsiders and DH will always be set up to be hurt.

I come from a huge extended family so know the joys and horrors of what it entails so DS will always have that side of things but I fear DS will one day be very upset at this loss of family and culture (we come
from different backgrounds).

AIBU to worry about DH and DS losing out or should I just accept his decision (his decision, his family) and his argument that we will always be waiting for next exclusion from family event? He claims that when DS is older if he wants to see them he wont stop him but that what is has never known he will never miss.

CaresMildly Tue 27-Oct-09 14:18:47

Personally I think you have to respect your DH's wishes on this. It does sound like his family have behaved appallingly and being in a similar situation myself I think having your support will make all the difference to him.

Do bear in mind as well that it's easy to say "no contact, ever" but life rarely works out so clean cut. Just give you DH some space to work it through and be there for him. Your DS is too young to be affected yet but I think your DH is probably in need of a lot of love after this hurtful episode.

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