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to expect MIL to ring me herself, not DH, when she wants me to do something?

(14 Posts)
TootaLaFruit Tue 27-Oct-09 12:52:34

Will keep it short, although the temptation to really let loose is strooooooong. The problem is that my MIL - who is lovely overall, but very used to getting her own way in the family - keeps ringing DH rather me directly when she wants me to do something (in this instance, to go round on Weds and see her mother, who is over from Germany.)

Doesn't seem like that big a deal, except that messages between MIL and her sons notoriously go astray, and DH didn't tell me until last night that she had called (on Sat).

The thing is I am busy on Weds seeing an old friend, and although I could cancel I don't really want to. What's annoying me is that she hasn't called me at all to find out whether I'm coming or not, and presumably DH hasn't let her know as he is clearly useless.

I just know that my not going will reflect badly on me, when really it is DH's fault for not telling me sooner, and her fault for not ringing me directly. Oh dear, AIBU?

BettySwollux Tue 27-Oct-09 12:57:49

Tell her that you'd rather she asked you direct and that you wont bite hard.
Explain that you often dont get messages till last minute and it's difficult to change your plans.

I would ring and explain why you cant go on wednesday though, you dont want to piss her off with her thinking you arent going cos you cant be bothered. Explain you have long standing plans etc.

I'm sure it will be fine.
If she keeps sending messages through your DH, then you cant be responsible for getting them late, but at least you will have tried.

duelingFANGo Tue 27-Oct-09 12:57:59

Just don't go and if she asks why say your husband didn't get the message to you and it would be so much better if she would contact you herself. job done.

BudaBones Tue 27-Oct-09 12:59:57

If I was being bullish I would just not go. Then if she mentions it I would say "Oh what a shame - if only you have spoken to me earlier, DH is useless at passing messages on, when he finally mentioned it i had already made plans - I did tell him to let you know but he has a head like a sieve". And then maybe she will eventually get the message.

But to be polite and as DH HAS now let you know, I would call her and make your apologies that you can't come and suggest another time.

curiositykilled Tue 27-Oct-09 13:00:47

Could you not see your friend in the morning and MIL in the afternoon? You need to call MIL to clear things up - "DH says something about you wanting me to come over tomorrow? Is that right?" "Oh right, well he's only just told me!"

mangosTrickyrice Tue 27-Oct-09 13:01:08

Send a message back via dh. If it never gets there, or gets there too late, that's not your responsibility. And it might make her think next time.

Pumpkinbummum Tue 27-Oct-09 13:03:04

Ring her now and say
oh dh just rang he forgot to tell me about tomorrow
but I had already arranged with friend and can't get in touch with her to cancel very sorry,
when did you tell him ahh you should really just ring me (hide the sound of gritted teeth)

Katisha Tue 27-Oct-09 13:05:59

WHy won't she ring you do you think?

She obviously doesn't think she is doing anytihng at all odd, so I think you will have to challenge her on this behaviour.

And certainly don't change your plans - tell her the truth about what has happened.

diddl Tue 27-Oct-09 13:09:40

If the messages aren´t important or concern things that you are not interested in,perhaps you should leave husband to "pass them on".

But on the whole, I would say if it directly concerns you, and not your husband as well, YANBU to think that she should talk to you directly, especially if you get on OK.

MmeGoblindt Tue 27-Oct-09 13:12:56

Oh, do you have my MIL. Is it a strange German thing do you think?

My MIL is German and she does that and DH forgets to tell me.

She does not do it so much now as I spoke to her and said that since her son is so useless at passing on messages, could she just phone me in future because it is such a shame to miss out on something.

2rebecca Tue 27-Oct-09 13:14:24

I'd ring her and tell her you had already arranged to meet a friend (I wouldn't mention cancelling, why should you see your husband's granny rather than your friend? It doesn't even sound like husband is going which I find a bit odd. ) and that DH is a bit rubbish at passing on messages and in future she'd be best discussing stuff with you if it only concers you so she knows if you can come or not.

TootaLaFruit Tue 27-Oct-09 13:31:32

Thanks girls, I think I will ring her and let her know that it's her son who's rubbish at passing on messages grin, not me who's ignoring the invite.

Sod's law though, my DD has woken up from her nap with a streaming cold so looks like I can't see my friend tmrw anyway. sad

And MmeGoblin, I think it must be a general European thing - my granny's French and leaves weird cryptic messages on answerphones. Things like "Hello, LaFruit, I'm just calling to ask you to call me about something.... <line goes dead>". Never any indication of what she wants, whether it's important etc.

Grandmothers, eh?

TootaLaFruit Tue 27-Oct-09 13:42:22

Waaaaaah, I just called her to explain and before I could she un-invited me anyway!! Something about deciding that having my DD there as well as DD's twins cousins would be too much for her mother to handle.

Here endeth LaFruit's efforts with the in-laws.

curiositykilled Tue 27-Oct-09 13:45:38

lol! Harsh!

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