To want to ask someone to make an anonymous call to check up on another person?

[Vallhala]

My father and I have been estranged for the past 2 years. This is owing to a chain of really long and complicated events so I'm just going to ask you to trust me when I say that there is no going back - suffice to say that my poisonous step-mother was involved and controls Dad's every move.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never see or speak with him again; after a lot of heartache I concluded that this is for the best for all our sakes. If I make contact SM will make his life hell (throw him out of "her house" etc) and besides I've concluded that I don't want to be back in that emotionally destructive environment, not least as Dad was very hurtful to me because of spiteful accusations made about me by SMs daughter. Although untrue he didn't stop to ask for my side of the story before launching into a tirade of unpleasant letters.

As I said, I've let it go, I'm a big girl and accepted that its for the best that I just leave it. However, I always had comfort in 'keeping an eye on dad', who is in ill health, through SMs blog and Yahoo group to do with her hobby. Until July, this worked. SM is a great gossip chatterbox and I was able to reassure myself that dad was okay.

Since July though the blog has had nothing added to it and neither has the Yahoo group. I know my SM all too well and know that this is very unusual. Past experience makes me 99% sure that it means that the family is in trouble in some way. As my parents divorced when I was a child I have very little and only occasional contact with wider family so can't ask them how he is. The family is huge but SM has alienated all of them so those who I can get into contact with would know no more than I do.

AIBU to ask a pal to ring dads home and ask for Mr X, posing as an old friend or somesuch in the hope of being able to find out how he is or should I just accept that the past is past and move on? There really is NO WAY I can call him myself because of the trouble it would cause.

[SolidGhoulBrass]

If you have a trusted sensible friend who would do this, I don't really see the harm in it. But will said friend (or someone else) be able to give you support and sympathy if what you find out isn't good?

[sb6699]

YANBU - he is still your father and it would unusual if you were not concerned.

In saying that, how is your pal going to pose as an old friend? Would they be using someone elses name?

[6feetundertheGroundhogs]

Perfectly natural to want to do that, I hope you can find a way to find out if he's OK.

Def YANBU.