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To refuse to take dd an overnight bag round for her impromptu sleepover?

(63 Posts)
Spidermama Mon 26-Oct-09 17:06:17

She went to a friend's this morning then called me later to say, 'Can I stay for a sleepover? It's OK with C's mum'. I said yes.

C's mum said, 'Will you be dropping round an overnight bag'. I said, 'No. I'm sure she'll manage to improvise. It's just one night.' C's mum sounded a bit surprised but took it on board.

Two hours later dd called to say, 'Muuuuuuuuum, could you bring me a couple of things. I really need a toothbrush and a new top'. I think she may be a bit smelly.

The problem is, I don't want to. I've got three boys to look after aged 9, 7 and 4 and am on my own here all half term. I have loads to do and C lives at least two miles away.


Spidermama Mon 26-Oct-09 17:12:19

She's 11 btw.

TrinityHasAVampireRhino Mon 26-Oct-09 17:13:37

I would but thats because I wouldn't have said yes if I wasn't prepared to do that

rubyslippers Mon 26-Oct-09 17:13:44

if she is feeling self conscious then, yes, you should take a bag

mathanxiety Mon 26-Oct-09 17:14:15

YABU, and a bit passive aggressive, because you said yes when she asked. You knew you had the three boys when you said yes, and you knew it was two miles away, and you know she'll need a toothbrush of her own at the very least -- it's a bit much to punish the other mum by forcing her to improvise on every detail of your DD's care while at her house, with your permission.

colditz Mon 26-Oct-09 17:15:32

You told her she couldstay, it's not up to her friend's mum to sort her out with clothes and a toothbrush, it's up to you. She asked, you said yes.

Kbear Mon 26-Oct-09 17:16:06

If you have a car, two miles isn't that far. Take her bag with her stuff in, your others aren't babies so if you have a car, you can get them in and get back within ten minutes.


etchasketch Mon 26-Oct-09 17:16:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mankyscotslass Mon 26-Oct-09 17:17:10


You should not have agreed to her going if you were not prepared to take them. She would definetely need at least her toothbrush and a change of clothes.

giddykipper Mon 26-Oct-09 17:17:20

I would take her a bag round. I'm keen to encourage DSD's friendships though, so I do bend over backwards more than one might normally though (within reason!) I know it might be a pain in the arse. I think I would have worked out what she needed when she rang you to check the sleepover was OK.

LaurieScaryCake Mon 26-Oct-09 17:17:25

Well i have just asked the little girl who is already here for a sleepover if she wants to stay an extra night (there's another little girl coming in a minute too) and I said to her if she'd run out of stuff I'd lend her a tshirt and dd could lend her a clean pair of pants

No big deal to me - I certainly wouldn't expect you with three others in the house to pop round with pants.

Spidermama Mon 26-Oct-09 17:17:40

If I were the other mum I'd be saying, 'Don't bother to bring anything. I'll make sure she gets to borrow a top and some pjs etc etc.'

I honestly don't think it's that important for an 11 year old to have an overnight bag for a one off, impromptu sleepover.

Oh FGS it looks like IABU. What a nightmare! I wish I had just said, 'no' and I will next time.

said Mon 26-Oct-09 17:18:12

Ah, at 11 she'll be embarrassed about knickers and smelling and stuff.

sowhatis Mon 26-Oct-09 17:20:22


Goblinchild Mon 26-Oct-09 17:23:57

I pity any girl with three younger brothers, so an overnight escape would have my backing and I'd pop round with the stuff.
But then, I'm the oldest sibling and remember wanting to drown various brothers when I was 11, so I'm not neutral on this. grin

pointyhat Mon 26-Oct-09 17:24:52

I agree with colditz.

Goblinchild Mon 26-Oct-09 17:27:14

Wait a few years and she won't be asking permission, she'll just tell you (if you're lucky)and remember to take her own knickers and toothbrush.

Kbear Mon 26-Oct-09 17:28:16

My DD is almost 11 and would be mortified at borrowing someone's knickers!! I would drop a bag of stuff round, but I am a spectacularly lovely mummy!!

Goblinchild Mon 26-Oct-09 17:29:29

I used to carry said items in a wallet on the off-chance when I was 15.

Butterfly99 Mon 26-Oct-09 17:31:14

YABU! (sorry!) She will definately need a toothbrush, and really pjs. And surely the other mum is doing you a favour by looking after your dd all day and now all night!

clam Mon 26-Oct-09 17:32:38

My DD has often done this to me, or rather, I've allowed myself to be press-ganged into such arrangements.
And yes, it's a pain, but I would take a bag round for her. After all, it's one less child you have to deal with all evening. And it's half term.
Go on..... be a sport. wink

ShinyAndNew Mon 26-Oct-09 17:32:42

YABU. Plus is the other mum not you a bit of a favour entertaing your dd for the night? Yet you cannot even be bothered to take her a bag? hmm

Kbear Mon 26-Oct-09 17:32:47

aww come on Spidey, don't be meeeeeean

GetOrfMoiLand Mon 26-Oct-09 17:40:21

DD has done this in the past, and PITA though it is, have dropped around toothbrush and clean clothes. They get really self-conscious at that age.

Goblinchild Mon 26-Oct-09 17:42:06

OMG it's only two miles.
Maybe daughter should walk back and get her stuff?

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