Advanced search

in thinking that if you get invited to someones house and they are providing food, that you should just be grateful and not fuss about it ??

(187 Posts)
MrsMorgan Sat 24-Oct-09 22:52:19

I am honestly not sure wether iabu or not.

Basically we are having a small halloween party next week, just me, the dc and my siblings and their partners.

One of my brothers gf's has recently lost weight through a leading weightloss group and is now a leader for one of those groups.

I am doing buffet food, nothing really cheap and nasty, just sandwiches, salad, quiches, etc. I am a single mum and I am funding all of this on my own, with my mum throwing in a few bits and bobs.

My brother has just emailed saying that his gf is bugging him about what food will be available. I can only assume that this is because of her diet, because previously she had no food issues. She already knew it was a buffet.

I am really annoyed that she is doing this. I am have sorted the whole thing on my own, food, decorations and games and tbh think that it is rude for her to question what will be available.

Last week they asked if her sister and her baby could come to the party and despite not knowing them I agreed as it makes no difference to me, but now I feel like I am being taken for a ride a bit.


MrsMorgan Sat 24-Oct-09 22:53:35

Can I just say, that obviously if there was an allergy issue, then I would be fine about that.

famishedass Sat 24-Oct-09 22:55:15

she's just asking isn't she?

For what it's worth, I personally think that if you accept an invitation to eat at someone's home then you should eat what they give you.

When she does the halloween party, she can serve the food she wants.

Firawla Sat 24-Oct-09 22:55:43

no yanbu it is rude of her

paisleyleaf Sat 24-Oct-09 22:56:13

No yanbu
Obviously you'd bear in mind allergies/vegetarian etc but a fun halloween buffet - she's being a fusspot.

kimlouiseb Sat 24-Oct-09 22:56:27


That would really wind me up too.

misdee Sat 24-Oct-09 22:56:58

she may be asking to find out what she can eat, what there is and how she needs to plan her meals for that day.

some buffet food is great for dieters, some is a not.

just tell her what is available, and say she is free to bring her own food if she wishes.

Doodleydoo Sat 24-Oct-09 22:56:59

YANBU, If I invite people over they eat what they are given! Its not tripe so she should get over it, if its that much of a problem she should bring her own!

verylittlecarrot Sat 24-Oct-09 22:57:09

Explain what you will be providing. Invite her to bring her own food if she wishes. ( and bite your tongue if she does - knowing that she has rather less good manners than you and will be making a twit of herself; assuming no allergies etc as you said)

paisleyleaf Sat 24-Oct-09 22:57:43

Maybe e-mail your brother that you're just doing a simple buffet, any contributions welcome.

Doodleydoo Sat 24-Oct-09 22:58:01

ooh am much meaner than everyone else aren't I! Not in real life though!

MrsMorgan Sat 24-Oct-09 22:58:28

Well I have emailed him back, explaining roughly what I am doing.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but i'd not dream of asking someone what food they were cooking just because I was on a diet.

I am sure my brother will sort it all out anyway, it just irked me a bit.

famishedass Sat 24-Oct-09 22:58:37

I agree it's rude of her but is it a problem for you to answer her question? You've told us what your serving (your party sounds like it's gonna be great by the way) so can't you tell her too?

Or was this the straw?

ib Sat 24-Oct-09 22:58:56

She probably just wants to know whether there will be anything she can eat for her diet or whether she should bring her own food along.

She's not demanding you provide anything, just wants to know what there will be, so I don't see the harm in telling her.

It's quite hard for some people to lose weight and if she's taking it really seriously there's no harm in being a little bit supportive, is there?

choosyfloosy Sat 24-Oct-09 22:59:01

OK,just on what you have posted I think YABU a bit.

i don't think they are questioning what you are providing, are they? she just wants to know so she can plan her food intake?

Sounds annoying and controlly but I do know how obsessed I can get with the details of those eating plans. I would just send a message saying 'sandwiches, salad, quiches' and if they ask for more details say that if they would prefer to bring their own food you are completely fine with that?

Waswondering Sat 24-Oct-09 22:59:06

Why is she asking? Is she asking so that she knows if it's nibbles, or a full meal? A buffet with hot dishes or a buffet of crisps and sandwiches? Could it affect any plans for feeding her own dc if she has them, eg "I'll give them their tea and they can snack on whatever at aunty's house" - iykwim?

AitchTwoToTangOh Sat 24-Oct-09 22:59:49

it's fair enough. let's say you're doing loads of chicken kebabs and pitta with cucumber and yoghurt sauce, then that would be fine. sausage rolls, that wouldn't etc. so if she wants to keep going with her plan she'll need to know if she's to eat beforehand or can eat there. dieting's miserable, the poor soul.

bosch Sat 24-Oct-09 23:01:47

Am with misdee - just tell her what will be on the table and let her sort herself out.

If your buffet is wall to wall sausage rolls and cakes then she needs to know so she can eat before/bring something to nibble on.

If it's your brother saying she's bugging him about what food will be on offer (rather than politely asking if it will be lard on toast) then he's being really unsupportive of her and you...

MrsMorgan Sat 24-Oct-09 23:01:51

She doesn't have any dc, and her sisters baby is too young for food.

My brother has replied saying 'ok' lol, informative as ever my brother.

I will just carry on as I was then.

CristinaTheAstonishing Sat 24-Oct-09 23:03:15

It sounds rude to me, esp. since you're not so close that she could ask her yourself. If she's so worried about her diet she could eat beforehand and just pick at bits and bobs whilst there. It's a buffet, what does she think she'll find?

minkiemoo Sat 24-Oct-09 23:04:01

Don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'd let your brother know what you are planning on providing and tell them they are more than welcome to bring anything else that they would like to eat.

iliketurquoise Sat 24-Oct-09 23:04:03

i wouldnt like that.
you doing buffet, so she could be able to find something that would suit her.
i think its fussy to ask like that in advance other than having some health problems like nut allergy etc.
maybe she is from high society, where the invitations are sent with a menu.

alwayslookingforanswers Sat 24-Oct-09 23:04:11

"if its that much of a problem she should bring her own! "

ermm perhaps that's why she's asking??

MrsMorgan Sat 24-Oct-09 23:04:18

I do support her, but honestly, i think that for one night does it really matter that much ? Especially as I am on a strict budget.

If it were me on the diet, i'd eat what I could whilst there and then have something later on if I had to.

stickylittlefingers Sat 24-Oct-09 23:04:36

I entirely agree with you and think YANBU at all.

I really really hate fussy eaters tho; perhaps not a great bellwether...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now