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to be beyond LIVID with my DH for getting 'off his face' last night? [sad]

(52 Posts)
chosenone Sat 24-Oct-09 13:34:47

I'd be surprised if any of you think I'm BU but want to clear my head before he comes home from work! DH went out with a few mates last night and said he wouldn't be too late as he had work today, I was expecting midnight ish. However, he has on several occasions let me down by rolling in 3am ish totally incoherent. Don't get me wrong I go out too at least once a month and occasionally stay out until 1 or 2 ish, but I never take drugs and don't get completely wasted on alcohol either! I feel strongly that now we're a family, days wasted lying around on the couch due to a hangover are pretty much over, the odd lazy day after a birthday party/wedding etc fine but as a regular occurence, I don't think so!

Anyway last night woke up for the loo at 2am and realised DH wasn't home, rang him and had to cajole him home, when he got in he was totally out of it and acting very strangely! He admitted he'd had some magic mushrooms with some of his friends and was tripping his head off, he seemed quite scared, so I made him safe and went back to bed. This unusual and the 1st time he's taken anytyhing like this for years, he a really good dad and DH normally but does go a bit wild on a night out and goes OTT.

However, what's made this worse is I've had a really shite couple of weeks with my brother who has been a serious drug addict off and on for years, My parents have more or less disowned him, he's signed off work and its been awful! My DH seemed to be looking after me and supporting me but then he goes out and takes drugs!! hmm I feel like leaving him and this town and focusing on being a mum without worrying about bloody drugs! Well done if you've read this!

daisydora Sat 24-Oct-09 13:38:44

No YANBU!

Getting drunk and out of it is on thing. But the drugs cross the line IMO. Especially is you have children. The behaviour of people on drugs can be very unpreditable (as it can with alcohol tbh) totally disgraceful of him to to this with children.

How old is your DC/'s?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sat 24-Oct-09 13:41:00

Did he go to work ok without giving you any hassle today? Has he been unpleasant either last night when he got in or this morning? Will he be unpleasant tonight?
If no, then YABU a tiny bit. My DH is a PITA after a night out but as long as he goes to work and/or isn't unpleasant to be I deal with it.

Mushrooms in themselves aren't a terrible thing, but I can understand why you wouldn't be happy, given the circs. However, if mushrooms make him act like an immature cock the next day then YANBU.

VineGruesomeTits Sat 24-Oct-09 13:41:16

YABNU i would refuse to be in a relationship with someone who takes drugs and have ended relationships in the past because i feel so strongly about it

He needs to grow up, wtf is he doing getting of his face when he has work the next day? let alone taking drugs full stop, i hope he didn't get in his car and drive this morning?

I would have a serious chat to him about the company he is keeping too, was he out with a bunch of teenagers?

chosenone Sat 24-Oct-09 13:42:30

We have 2 DC 4 and 2! he's normally great with them and obviously they didn't see him but now they've got a very tired and upset mummy moping around them. He really needs to grow up or Im off. He has now sent me some flowers and a card saying sorry but I still can not believe he did this, its outrageous!

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Sat 24-Oct-09 13:45:09

He went to work after a night on magic mushrooms? What on earth does he do that he can get up probably still tripping to some extent and work? I hope he did not drive...

YANBU. I personally have no issues with people taking magic mushrooms, you can pick them on the Moors around here (illegal, but still freely available), but not when you have children/responsibilities/work and it means you let people down.

chosenone Sat 24-Oct-09 13:53:58

He was doing a freelance job so didn't leave until 11am. He was very remorseful this morning and was tearful. The 'company' he's keeping is a friend he's known since childhood, she's very bohemian, alterbative, hippy etc which is fine she has no children and no responsibilties, he does.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Sat 24-Oct-09 14:09:53

No, YANBU. There's nothing wrong with a few shrooms per se, but completely out of order for him to do it a) Without prior arrangement with you and b) When he has work the next day.

What if there had been an emergency? What use would he have been if he'd been tripping his box off? Immature cock.

I think you need to have a fair and frank exchange of views. Flowers and cards and tears are all very well, but if he was really sorry he would never do it again. But I guess only time will tell on that one!

Were they liberty caps or something more exotic?

chosenone Sat 24-Oct-09 14:15:31

Whatever grows on the fields near here, presume liberty caps

Missy8c Sat 24-Oct-09 14:19:33

YANBU...apart from anything else, his behaviour doesn't show much respect for you and the kids. Like other posters have said, he would have been no use to you in an emergency and any drugs can cause unpredictable behaviour. I'd be pretty angry in your shoes but if he is genuinely remorseful then let's hope he realises he's behaved like a dickhead and won't repeat it.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad Sat 24-Oct-09 14:24:07

Yeah, it will be. He must've taken bloody loads then, to get off his face. A few liberty caps just makes one feel a bit buzzy (although of course everyone reacts differently) he'd have had to take 50 or so to get as high as he was!

I have to say, I wouldn't be happy about him going out with this friend again - she's obviously not an appropriate friend for him to have. I know how that sounds, but I have had a pretty wild past, with a lot of shady characters in it. And I have a lot of friends who I got properly wasted with back in the day, but I don't see them anymore, because I have a different life now. I might keep in touch with them on facebook or whatever, but i don't go out getting trashed with them now!

I'm afraid i don't really have any good advice for you - but if he's really sorry then he should be prepared to do some sort of demonstration of that. Maybe he can only see this friend if she comes over to your house?

sandyballs Sat 24-Oct-09 14:28:41

I think I'd be more concerned that he's getting off his face with another woman, rather than the fact he is getting off his face tbh.

tobago04 Sat 24-Oct-09 14:30:32

Thats got to be a bit dodgy picking mushrooms out of a field surely?
My dh used to be like this so i understand how pissed off you must be,i'd give him a really good lecture when he gets home,my dh grew up so hopefully yours will toosmile

wannaBe Sat 24-Oct-09 14:44:03

Drugs would be a dealbreaker for me, if my dh took drugs then that would be the end of our marriage...no yanbu.

skidoodle Sat 24-Oct-09 14:46:53

She's not "another woman", she's a childhood friend. Often those are the friendships that don't develop as people grow older, and can lead to tensions with adult lives.

Getting messed up on a work night is silly, but he's gone in, and he's sorry.

I probably wouldn't be that mad in the circumstances. No damage has been done and he's not oblivious to your feelings.

Glitterknickaz Sat 24-Oct-09 14:47:20

Shrooms are class A.
There's got to be a reason why.
YANBU.

LadyGlencoraPalliser Sat 24-Oct-09 14:48:24

YANBU at all. I once had to sit up all night with someone who was having a bad trip on mushrooms. I had taken them myself plenty of times, but that really put me off. The idea of doing it with small children around horrifies me tbh. Your DH needs to grow up.

Danthe4th Sat 24-Oct-09 14:50:11

Time he grew up!!perhaps he will now.

skidoodle Sat 24-Oct-09 14:56:13

Lol @ there's got to be a reason why

sure, but we've no reason to believe it's a good reason.

Drug classification is a joke.

Banning plants that grow wild in season all over the country is silly.

KatsMother Sat 24-Oct-09 15:20:51

In my view YABU. He's a grown-up; he doesn't need your permission to get wasted,the children didn't see anything inappopriate, and he did get up and go to work this morning. It was naughty of him not to let you know he was going to be late, and you're not being unreasonable to be cross about that, but ultimately the only harm he's done is that he probably feels quite grotty today.

thesecondcoming Sat 24-Oct-09 16:12:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DippyDino Sat 24-Oct-09 16:49:10

But bless you, chosenone, for 'making him safe' before you went to bed!

Tbh the drugs stuff wouldn't bother me as such, however time lolling around with a drugs hangover while you run around after the kids and do everything else... I'd be fumerating! I agree it's not fair on the rest of the family if dh is tired / ill / hungover / in a bad mood cos he went out and got twatted...

So, YANBU!

alwayslookingforanswers Sat 24-Oct-09 16:52:21

but drugs donn't just have an effect in the "now" - they can have an effect hours, or even days, afterwards that can affect people other than the drug taker..

thesecondcoming Sat 24-Oct-09 16:54:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cordonbleugh Sat 24-Oct-09 17:08:27

"i don't think drugs are any different to drink,i don't think a comedown is any worse than a hangover to inflict upon people."

hmm have you ever actually taken drugs before?!

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