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quickly MN- teenage daughter-what do i do before she rocks home- one to 2 hours late

(181 Posts)
thesecondcoming Fri 23-Oct-09 22:38:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhoulishFan Fri 23-Oct-09 22:41:04

ground her, remove mobile and all priviledges only to be returned upon trust being earned again, go MENTAL (altho I'd probably do it in reverse order)

but I'm like that - others will probably advise "a chat" or something...

KatieScarlett2833 Fri 23-Oct-09 22:41:59

cherchez les hommes

DD did this recently, only she was refusing to come home and defiantly came home 2 hours late.

I don't think she enjoyed the bollocking, removal of phone and laptop, or the month total grounding that particular stunt earned her.

missingtheaction Fri 23-Oct-09 22:43:19

ground her for ten years...

listen to her story

if reasonable be reasonable

if not incandescant rage and sanctions on next night out

giddykipper Fri 23-Oct-09 22:43:47

I would go mental too Ghoulish. She's betrayed your trust.

How old is she?

halfcut Fri 23-Oct-09 22:44:29

How old is she?

Prosecco Fri 23-Oct-09 22:46:23

I would bet they didn't get into an earlier film, she had switched her mobile off for the 8 40 film and is indeed just out of the cinema.

However, she did say she woud be home earlier and has been uncontactable when she should have kept you abreast, so whilst I would ask her to think of how you were feeling, I would probably impose a sanction as well.

Can you pick her up?

If not, make her call you every 5 mins of the journey. That will keep you sane and annoy the hell out of her.

Ivykaty44 Fri 23-Oct-09 22:46:24

breath - calm and keep your lips closed till the morning, softly softly is always the best policy.

Cos byu the morning she will be crapping herself as it is bad real bad when parents dont shout......

Hassled Fri 23-Oct-09 22:46:38

It's not so much the late night pissing about as the late night pissing about without communication that's the problem.

Yes, there needs to be sanctions, and serious ones (whatever's dearest to her heart - mobile, laptop, whatever - removed) but the absolute necessity for communication is the point you need to be getting across most strongly.

How old is she?

tumshe Fri 23-Oct-09 22:47:34

totally sympathise as constantly having boundaries pushed by my 16 year old son.

Grounding seems to be the worst thing in the world for him. Hope she gets home soon

hanaboo Fri 23-Oct-09 22:47:45

i would def take away priviliges (can't spell) but i would talk rather than turn into a shouting match and explain why she is being punished i.e betrayal of trust, worry on your behalf, lying/not informing u of correct times

Ivykaty44 Fri 23-Oct-09 22:48:52

hassled - you have to turn your mobile of in the cinema - so this will be why no communication - unless she has gone to the pub instead hmm

theDeadPirateRoberts Fri 23-Oct-09 22:49:00

Start by just looking scarily stern - see waht she says - take it from there. Scared me grin

brimfull Fri 23-Oct-09 22:49:42

I would be angry ,explain how worried you were and why.

Tell her if she can't keep you informed and answer phone then she is grounded.

I bet she will say that her phone was off during film and she was in late film .

She needs to learn to tell you where she is if she is to be allowed out.

Hassled Fri 23-Oct-09 22:49:58

She can still text. You just need your phone on silent.

hanaboo Fri 23-Oct-09 22:50:03

p.s remember kids don't hear what u are saying to them when u shout, they switch off to it (i know u didn't mention shouting, its just something i would be tempted to do as soon as she waltzes in...)

Ivykaty44 Fri 23-Oct-09 22:51:10

yes - but whan wathing film you have phone in bag - you dont know someone is texting you as ingrossed with film or snogging boy smile

halfcut Fri 23-Oct-09 22:53:30

See I would never ground a 16 year old or expect them to be home by 8.30... but would be pissed off at not answering phone ..I've never taken phones or laptops of any of mine

ravenAK Fri 23-Oct-09 22:54:11

Send her to bed & talk to her in the morning - you'll be overwrought with worry & she'll be knowing she's out of order, so either geared up to lie to you or ready for a row.

Also, it'll do her no harm to sweat it a bit. Chances are she's been up to (minor) no good & will have agreed elaborate cover story with mate. Letting her stew for a bit puts her more in 'family mode' than 'mates mode' iyswim - you're more likely to get the truth straight away.

But yes, I'd impose sanctions - probably grounding - as, even assuming she was simply at a later showing, she should've let you know she'd be 2 hours late home!

We've all done it (well, I did). Calm discussion in morning about why it's unacceptable - ie. it's not nice to scare the crap out of your parents like that.

frogs Fri 23-Oct-09 22:55:05

Did you set out ground rules before she went out? A lot depends on what she understands the deal to be.

Here the rules for 16yo and under are:

(a) if you want to be back later than originally planned, you need to phone and ask well in advance, so that if I said 'no', she could still make it home for the originally agreed time.

(b) If out you need to be contactable. Clearly a film is a 'phone off' occasion, so fair enough, but see (a) above. Failing to answer a phone or to reply to a text within a reasonable time frame is a groundable offence with no right of appeal.

(c) Common sense regard for safety. I need to be confident that you have a sensible grasp of what constitutes safe behaviour. Any plan that involves getting a bus back at 11pm is clearly unacceptable.

Your dd's behaviour breaks all three rules, so I'm afraid in the frogpond it would be a couple of weeks worth of grounding and loss of computer time. It's just Not Okay on any level -- common sense, self-preservation, consideration for your feelings, keeping to agreed plans, whatever.

brimfull Fri 23-Oct-09 22:55:39

is she 16?

halfcut Fri 23-Oct-09 22:55:58

I would just let them know how worried I was ..the guilt trip always worked with mine

CarmenSanDiego Fri 23-Oct-09 22:56:18

Hear her out first. If it's the first offence, I believe a heart to heart is more useful than shouting and sanctions which will just emphasise that she is a child and encourage her to act like one, sneak around and act up.

pointyhat Fri 23-Oct-09 22:56:26

hmmm. I would be mad (and would have been very worried too).

I would play it very calm and very serious. I would start off saying something about rules and trust being broken, how my love for her makes it almost unbearable when I don't know where she is on a dark night, how tired and disappointed I am. Then I would suggest we talk it through in the morning to give us both a chance to sleep on it.

brimfull Fri 23-Oct-09 22:57:22

yes same here halfcut

dd is very good at telling me where she is now ..and she's nearly 18 so def too old to ground .lol ,but she does know I worry

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