Advanced search

to think that we are being FAR TOO SOFT on our kids nowadays by trying to help them avoid any little mishap?

(190 Posts)
flashharriet Fri 23-Oct-09 10:45:06

DS (Y6) walks to school with some friends. This morning, he decides to cook himself some breakfast and was then mucking about with his sisters. He then leapt in the shower and was in serious danger of being too late to meet his friends. So he said "Mum, you'll have to drive me to meet them" which I refused to do, suggesting instead that he call his friends to let them know. Moaning and groaning, he sprinted out the door and managed to meet them.

Relaying this later to one of the Mums at school, I could see her thinking "Aw, you could have taken him, poor boy". This is an attitude that seems quite prevalent now - the mums are truly lovely people and their kids' childhood must be lovely because nothing is ever allowed to go wrong in it! But I do wonder whether this is in fact, not doing the kids any favours in the long run? I know that I learnt some really important lessons about work and friendships by making mistakes and having to reap the consequences.

AIBU or am I out of step with everyone else?

missingtheaction Fri 23-Oct-09 10:47:23

I spoil mine rotton and it's done them no favours at all grin

ImSoNotTelling Fri 23-Oct-09 10:49:24

How old is year 6? What you did sounds good to me (unless year 6 = 5 years old grin). My parents never ferried me anywhere - walking is good for you and buses etc foster independence...

overmydeadbody Fri 23-Oct-09 10:50:22


I don't agree with wrapping children up in cotton wool or never allow anything to go wrong.

It's the risk assesment thing too isn't it?

I bet some mums are going "you let your DS cook breakfast?shock"

GrimmaTheNome Fri 23-Oct-09 10:50:39


I need to help my yr6 DD less ... I'm truly impressed by your son cooking himself breakfast and leaping into the shower. My DD still needs prodding every blumming stage in the morning hmm.

You're out of step with me only because you've evidently got it better sussed!

overmydeadbody Fri 23-Oct-09 10:51:50

yr 6 is 10 or 11 yrs old

stressybessy Fri 23-Oct-09 10:52:05

YANBU... it's a good way to learn that actions have consequences, if you faff about you'll be late.

diddl Fri 23-Oct-09 10:56:02

I think if he could contact friends to ask them to wait/carry on without him that´s OK.

I might consider driving if I thought his friends would wait too long & make themselves late also, iyswim.

Our children & friends don´t have mobiles aren´t contactable once they have left home.

The policy is if someone isn´t there by the agreed time, carry on without them.

flashharriet Fri 23-Oct-09 10:57:10

But quite a few people think I'm mean, like the Mum this morning! I've always thought ah well, so be it, but the conversation this morning brought me up short because I wondered if I'm in fact the one not doing my kids any favours IYKWIM? By saying, for example:

you can't be invited to every party/playdate and I'm not going to ask if you can be

it's your homework and if you've left it all til the last minute, I'm not going to do it for you

if you don't get get yourself ready in time for me to take you to an activity that you have chosen to do, then you'll be late because I'm not going to nag you


I've posted this in AIBU as I'm quite prepared for being told I'm a cow grin

BTW, Y6 is 10/11 rather than 6 - I'm not THAT cruel! grin

ImSoNotTelling Fri 23-Oct-09 10:59:51

YANBU at all flash.

Get mummy to ask if he can be invited to his friends houses? Get a grip grin

flashharriet Fri 23-Oct-09 11:02:48

That one wasn't ds btw - some mums at school will regularly go and ask though "because dd/ds is heartbroken about not being invited"

I was like this shock when I first heard them!

Miggsie Fri 23-Oct-09 11:03:37

You are being perfectly reasonable, kids need to understand the world does not revolve around them and not everyone thinks they are as great as their parents do, otherwise they will get a terrible shock at Uni or at work!!!!

TrickOrNinks Fri 23-Oct-09 11:09:33

YANBU, especially wrt sons I think. I saw far too many of my bright year five and six boys being totally pampered.

Mummy always coming in to find "lost" things, (which were always in their tray or where I had seen them just dropped), and being imperiously handed their bags to carry without a glance or a word, and taking them like a servant. Pah!

ImSoNotTelling Fri 23-Oct-09 11:11:19

My mum is like that with my DB ninks. He is 34 hmm

TrickOrNinks Fri 23-Oct-09 11:11:44


flashharriet Fri 23-Oct-09 11:19:28

Oh yes, carrying their bags - I'll carry extras but they carry their own school bags. Other mums are staggering along like packhorses while the kids zoom along on scooters! And they're never allowed to forget things - the school office had to send out a letter saying WE ARE NOT A DELIVERY SERVICE.

Ooh, this is very cathartic!

curiositykilled Fri 23-Oct-09 11:20:14

definitely NBU!

My eldest is only four so my annoyances are more around his friends who whine about being too tired to walk around the park e.t.c. One of them even used make his mum carry him on her back when she was heavily pregnant cos he was too tired from playing to walk to the car. hmm

My two who were 4 and 2 would have walked a mile to the park, run around the park, walked back to our house in town and then maybe walked around the shops for good measure before they started moaning about tired legs. Imagine, at four, having to be carried to and from the car and only being able to play in the playground before you got tired legs?!

Fennel Fri 23-Oct-09 11:26:57

I am much more bracing than most parents I know, but the upside (as I remind my dc rather too often) is that they're trusted to be responsible. So they do organise their own homework, pack their own bags when we go away, sort themsleves out more than many children their age, and in return they get to go to school and back alone, out to play without many restrictions, they have door keys now (at 9 and 8) because they are used to being responsible. So I've sold all this as a benefit, rather than me being mean, it's me giving them freedom. And they do appreciate this, they love having more freedom and responsibility than most of their peers.

curiositykilled Fri 23-Oct-09 11:34:50

fennel - yes! The responsibility gives you independence thing! That one back fired on me when my DS started school this year though! He won't tell me anything that he does in school, not ever! He just says "SHHHH! Secret, TOP secret, keep it under your hat!" lol. I'm sure it's cos we had that talk and he is proud of school as his own domain!

flashharriet Fri 23-Oct-09 11:52:08

That's a good way of looking at it Fennel, thank you. have to say, I would have HATED the level of interference in my life that kids now have to put up with, but I guess they're a product of their times, just like I am of mine. I do wonder about the long term effects though.

Oblomov Fri 23-Oct-09 12:00:23

You are out of step with everyone else, but YANBU.
Society has swung from one extreme tot he other. From strict upbringing, using the cane in schools, to soft parenting, in this generation, with lack of respect, children dominant and pandering.
I think the balance needs to be redressed. Not by a massive amount. Just a tiny bit stricter.tougher. Just a tad. To get the balance right.

But most mums currently don't see that way. So I think you are in the minority with your views. I feel I am.

curiositykilled Fri 23-Oct-09 12:06:48

flashharriet - The long term effects on your children or on other people's?

BoysAreLikeDogs Fri 23-Oct-09 12:08:29


flashharriet Fri 23-Oct-09 12:15:14

The long term effects of having all uncomfortableness (YKWIM), mishaps and unfairness ironed out of their lives.

I guess also this is where helicopter parents at uni come in - they're just the next stage of the parenting I'm seeing now.

flashharriet Fri 23-Oct-09 12:16:20

Effects as in, will it make the children more or less happy in the long run?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: