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...to be frustrated with my best friend? WWYD?

(14 Posts)
StrawberrySam Thu 22-Oct-09 18:51:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladyanonymous Thu 22-Oct-09 18:58:47

Confront her and then dump her out. She should be happy for you if she was a real friend.

She should be bloody grateful for the two daughters she has and also happy that you have also been blessed with your own child are are able to also, like her, experience motherhood.

With friends like that who needs enemies, shes is behaving like a spoilt brat.

hanaboo Thu 22-Oct-09 18:59:04

awwww sad for both of u... though congrats on your baby
it sounds like a very difficult situation tbh maybe u could use the week talking and tell her how u feel in a sensitive way of course

it sounds like neither of u have control over the way things have turned out but now need to work on your friendship, (u just have to communicate to each other) it does sound like the friendship is worth saving.

JustAnotherManicMummy Thu 22-Oct-09 19:03:08

Have you thought that she might have something going on if she's being erratic? Or maybe she's trying to be less "needy" (in her mind at least) by not contacting you daily because you have a new baby?

Give her a call and talk it over. You can always blame hormones if it doesn't go well and make up later.

It's not worth losing a good friend over and it sounds like you need each other right now.

hanaboo Thu 22-Oct-09 19:04:38

lady, she probably is happy for her, but it must be horrible knowing that u can't have another baby, i doubt she's behaving like this on purpose, she might not even realise how she's coming across

SCARYspicemonster Thu 22-Oct-09 19:18:14

I think you need to have a proper cards on the table conversation. I was in a similar situation - when I was pregnant, my sister had her very final attempt at IVF which failed and my best friend found out that she had early menopause and was never going to be able to have children. There was one really sticky moment with my BF but we had a really long talk about it and she was able to say 'okay, enough talking about your DS' when it was all getting too much but until that point, I could talk about him.

It's hard on both of you but actually I think if she has 2 DDs and she's not going to have any more then she really needs to try and come to terms with that somehow - maybe through counselling or something. She needs to move on for her own sake as much as yours.

Pumpkinbummum Thu 22-Oct-09 19:23:36

I agree with Justanothermanicmummy, she may not want to bother you every day now you have a new baby,

My bf and I sometimes don't talk for weeks and alwasy just pick up where we left off, but I would be devastated if dhe thought she couldn't ring me aytime to tell me she was feeling down or vice versa

Butterfly99 Thu 22-Oct-09 19:25:49

Am I the only one who thinks not talking to someone for a few days or a week is not unusual?! Hardly a crime! The way you are talking it is as if she isn't speaking to you for months or years! Given that you live so far apart and presumably have busy lives, I don't think it is that unusual not to speak as much as you would like. I also think you should cut her some slack about the fact she would like another baby. I remember when I had a miscarriage it was hard being around friends having babies around the time mine would have been due.

Pumpkinbummum Thu 22-Oct-09 19:27:06

x posts butterfly

diddl Thu 22-Oct-09 19:30:20

Beginning to think I was a bit wierd, there!

Phone a best friend every day?

Never have,tbh.

SCARYspicemonster Thu 22-Oct-09 19:33:41

That's true - I speak to my bf every couple of weeks and that's quite often just a text

maledetta Thu 22-Oct-09 19:41:51

This is a subject very close to my heart. I am pregnant, and over the last few months I have "lost" 3 of my closest friends. Why? Not entirely sure, although I have my suspicions. Definitely I am needier and much more sensitive than normal- I was dumped by the father 3 weeks into the pregnancy- and these friends do have a lot of complex and difficult stuff going on themselves- which, I should add, I am more than willing to listen to.

However, I can't help feeling very angry with them, and I think at heart I'm justified.They all have kids, so I think they should understand what I'm going through. One of them had a termination a couple of years back, which she was heavily persuaded into by her partner, and which she feels a great deal of grief about. This might be at the core of her behaviour, or it might not. Difficult to tell.

But then again, before I got pregnant, I thought it would never happen to me, and had to plaster a smile onto my face and act genuinely joyful countless times when my friends told me they were pregnant, then go away and have a cry in private. I think it's kind of what you have to do, as a friend.

I don't know how well I can advise you Strawberry Sam, because it's something that's really really getting me down myself. All I can say is that obviously pregnancy and childbirth can rock long-term friendships to their foundations.....I'm not going to say "Go out and make more friends", because I know that in a fragile and vulnerable state that's not always what you want to do.

All I can say is, hang on in there. Realise that you are feeling the whole thing far more than you normally would, because you are so fragile at the moment. Don't be confrontational or accusatory at all (this really backfired for me- people hate being made to feel guilty). I would say back off- if she comes back, she comes back, and you can start a whole new phase of your friendship. If not, well, sayonara- there are lots of other lovely potential friends out there, who will fill the gap as you become stronger.

I do realise that this isn't at all easy- I'm pretty much on the floor myself, but what else can you do?

ChunkyKitKat Thu 22-Oct-09 19:42:05

I think the contact with you every day has perhaps got too intense for her, and she finds it incredibly painful because she is trying to conceive. IMO contacting you every few days or once a week is still giving you alot of her time, it is probably a phase your friendship is going through at the moment.

Doesn't sound to me like your friendship is on the rocks, but she does need a little more space? At the same time I can see it's difficult as you would like to tell her how you are feeling.

Do you feel that you could have a heart to heart chat when she is around at half term?

Romanarama Thu 22-Oct-09 19:45:40

I fell out with a friend to whom I couldn't bear to speak when she was pregnant and I was failing to conceive ds2. I didn't congratulate her when her baby was born or anything. I never explained and we lost touch. One of my very good friends was a bit the same with me for years when I had 2 then 3 children and she was having fertility treatment. I completely understood. It can be very hard. Talk to her about how you feel and let her put her most hideous emotions and jealousy on the table - it may help her to come to terms with it for herself too.

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