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AIBU to think that the original Feminists...

(78 Posts)
donkeyderby Tue 20-Oct-09 23:43:17

....may live to regret the emancipation of their daughters when they find themselves on their own in old age with no-one to look after them?

BiteOfFun Tue 20-Oct-09 23:46:00

Feminism doesn't rip out your heart, you know...actually, there is more of a problem with working mums also juggling care of elderly parents than ignoring them.

Tortington Tue 20-Oct-09 23:46:08

well they shudda baked more cakes and been generally nicer - and they should drive fastr than 10mph

sausagerolemodel Tue 20-Oct-09 23:48:46

obviously the emancipated females will be earners and therefore able to look after parents? Or are you trolling?

Tortington Tue 20-Oct-09 23:53:05

maybe the "emancipated" females work at asda and can't afford to look after their parents.

Vallhala Tue 20-Oct-09 23:57:13

Hopefully those emancipated daughters will have the income and the education to look after their parents - something they may have lacked pre the feminist movement.

Tortington Wed 21-Oct-09 00:00:21

maybe they are educated and work at asda shocker and get paid shit becuase emancipation is bull shit and everyone works for a capitalist system - there is no sisterhood movement ( i scratch your mooncup if you scratch mine) arse!

i would remind you that the working classes always worked - even before middle class ideology.

MadameDefarge Wed 21-Oct-09 00:12:25

custy, I would scratch your arse! And Bof's!

I don't think I would scratch donkeyderbys because I would have to crawl over all the prostrate bodies of those old, friendless, family-less old feminazis....ew!

Oh, heck no, I got that wrong, I wouldn't be able to shoulder my way past the multigenerational lovefest of grateful women bearing gifts of homebaked cakes and incontinance pads garlanded with rosebuds....

Tortington Wed 21-Oct-09 00:16:08

i hope the roses have been de-thorned.

MadameDefarge Wed 21-Oct-09 00:18:05

of course, custy, of course, no attention to lowly for a real woman!

bernadetteoflourdes Wed 21-Oct-09 01:38:42

Madame Defarge spell check should be "incontinence".

nooka Wed 21-Oct-09 05:47:45

My mother, who embraced some, but not all of the feminist movement, has made provisions for her old age. This is partly because my father doesn't want to be looked after by my big sister (I say this only partly in jest). However neither of my parents looked after their parents particularly, so I don't see why they should expect us to do so. And in any case why should daughters be expected to look after their mothers? My FIL had his mother staying with him for many years, so sons can be just as caring as daughters.

donkeyderby Wed 21-Oct-09 07:33:55

Not trolling. Ever since I worked in nursing homes, I have thought there is something really tragic about the way old people in this country are put in nursing homes and left to rot (I've worked in a few). Not all are bad, but so many seem really inhuman and it is a hidden scandal that needs exposing - especially private homes.

Women are often locked into employment (an offshoot of feminism for the mc's - I know wc women have always worked), or just not willing to do unpaid care work (who can blame them). Men never picked up on the feminist message that they should be doing equal amounts of anything domestic. Generalisations, I know and there are exceptions before you all flame me.

I just wonder what the future is for us when we become old. The only people who really look out for the old people in my area is the Indian newsagent.

Longtalljosie Wed 21-Oct-09 07:52:31

I think nursing homes are more a symptom of how people need to travel for work these days. When an extended family all lived in the same town there was a far greater support network than nowadays, when people can be scattered around this country and others.

And why are you just blaming women for this? Do sons have no responsibility for their parents?

donkeyderby Wed 21-Oct-09 09:11:29

Longtalljosie - read my last post for my view on men's responsibility.

I am not blaming women, including feminists, I just asked a hypothetical question. The problem with feminism is men: They haven't understood that they were meant to be sharing the caring 50/50.

sausagerole - throwing money at elderly people isn't the same as caring for them.

BonsoirAnna Wed 21-Oct-09 09:12:30

The "original feminists" have long gone to the grave. There have been lots of succeeding feminist movements.

BonsoirAnna Wed 21-Oct-09 09:12:33

The "original feminists" have long gone to the grave. There have been lots of succeeding feminist movements.

BonsoirAnna Wed 21-Oct-09 09:12:34

The "original feminists" have long gone to the grave. There have been lots of succeeding feminist movements.

InMyLittleHead Wed 21-Oct-09 09:17:52

I hope euthanasia will be legal by the time I'm old and decrepit.

donkeyderby Wed 21-Oct-09 09:26:17

BonsoirAnna, I'm thinking of the 60's burn your bra, Spare Rib brigade. MC, wealthy, educated feminists. Some of them will be reaching the ageo f decreptitude around now

InMylittleHead, I hope euthanasia will stop being seen as the logical solution to the problems of old age

curiositykilled Wed 21-Oct-09 09:27:35

My mother's mother looked after her husband in old age, my father looked after his father, his father's best friend (who had no living relatives when he died) and his great aunt. He looked after them all both financially, physically and emotionally. He will care for his mother if needs be but she is 85 and still fit, healthy, living on her own, doing her own weekly shop on the bus e.t.c.

My mum has yet to lose anyone other than her father but I would imagine she will play a large role in caring for her mother if she needs it. My father recently put a lot of effort into caring for my mother's great uncle after he has post operative complications and very nearly died.

I'm not sure what gender has to do with the responsibilty of caring for elderly relatives? Surely families care for elderly relatives not daughters. It is normally just the person who is most appropriate who is chosen to do it.

BobbingForPeachys Wed 21-Oct-09 09:29:17

There is a massive gap between nursing home careand bieng at ome having led a limited - by- society ife to care.

Ideally,care should be provided in ones own home wherever possible: failure to provide that stems from the inadequacy of socialservices provision, not feminism.

Anyway, I would imagine most feminists are too busy weping into their cereal at all the girls off to school in their barbie pricess shoes and gift wrapping themselves in swathes of alce to marry the first bloke that comes along <<soapbox alert>> wink

True feminism is about maximising opportunities without gender being a factor, that means being equally behind those who genuinely want to stay at home (and also fighting the case of those who work, or want to work but are prevented by childcare etc). The original feminists were extemists becuase it took that to create any opoortunities at all in the society that there was, but from what I an see the world today is so different tghan when I grew up becuase whilst parents of girls now don't have to constantly emphasise the 'women are capable' line as my Mum did, the girls at schoolare still taking princess roles and far more girly and to an extent self limiting than we ever were.

True feminism would value the role of carer when chosen (as opposed to forced) as much as any other job, however we're clearly not that far down the road when we pay carers £53.10 a week and deny respite etc.

BobbingForPeachys Wed 21-Oct-09 09:34:24

'sausagerole - throwing money at elderly people isn't the same as caring for them. '

That entirely depends.

If the cash is in the format of direct payments that allow the person to hire in help of their own choosing,then absolutely it is.

There's no great tradition of family care after leaving home in my family- Mum takes Grandad out but she resents it (you'd understand if you knew him, banned from many palces for his racist rants). I would happily take in 3/4 of my parent / in laws, and the omission of the other one is based on her beahviour- she's no feminist though. just a mean person. However my aprents categorically do not want to be cared for by any of us (and all sisters offering if needed) as they would prefer a care home or sheltered place 9the biggest affect of their pension collpase for them was the loss of the chance to buy a bungalow as they felt that would maximise independence chances). FIL ahs taken the rather ingenious route of getting himself a fiance 10 years (if that) older than DH. Sorted LOL

lisianthus Wed 21-Oct-09 11:33:49

Absolutely Peachy (particularly your first post). My mother was sacked from her job when she got married in the 1960s, as was the automatic policy then in Oz, therefore losing her permanency (i.e. tenure) pension and all the rest of it. It was only when feminism finally percolated through to the education department in the 1980s that she was finally able to get that back, despite having gone back 10 years previously to work in a variety of positions. (Feminism had made it possible at he time she went back TO go back despite her married status, and in the 80s the women who had lost tenure etc due to getting married were awarded it back.)

I am going to care for my mother in whatever way she needs it to the best of my ability when she is old, but it is undeniable that it will be easier to do so with the extra provision that she was able to make for her old age, which was made possible by feminism.

As a general point, I would think that what normally determines a person's willingness to look after their parents is the fact that they have a strong relationship with them.

pooexplosions Wed 21-Oct-09 11:40:12

YABU to think that the 1960's saw the first feminists.....hmm
You haven't established any link between the terms in your proposition. What has emancipation (whatever that means in this context?) got to do with caring for aging parents? You think having a job prevents doing this? What rubbish.

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