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To be alarmed by the SS mafia here on mn?

(219 Posts)
Kerrymumbles Tue 20-Oct-09 23:06:17

I heard someone screaming at their kids, should I shop them to the SS (secret service, Nazis, etc. wonder why they have the same initials)

I am sure there are genuine incidents where intervention is necessary but FFS you're all fucking loons.

Kerrymumbles Tue 20-Oct-09 23:06:47

Every single fucking day there's at least 1 or more posts about, hmm my neighbor looked at their kids funny? Should I call someone?

TanyaBranning Tue 20-Oct-09 23:08:30

I don't think most people take calling SS lightly, do they?

We're all parents. We all know that kids screech and make you look like an axe murdering fruit loop on occasion.

I should think anyone seriously considering calling SS has their reasons...

Meglet Tue 20-Oct-09 23:10:24

I was that axe murdering fruit loop during bath time tonight. In my defence I think the neighbours know the noise is down to bath night and I'm not actually doing away with the dc's.

monkeysavingexpertdotcom Tue 20-Oct-09 23:12:59

Kerry I wish someone had called them years ago when I was a child, instead of looking the other way - friends, neighbours, family...might sound disingenuous, but I wish people were more nosey and concerned about their fellow beings in general.

HeatherMills Tue 20-Oct-09 23:13:35

Aww Kerry we are not all that !!!

Kerrymumbles Tue 20-Oct-09 23:17:53

yes but there's a difference between being concerned and having no fucking life and having this complex where you have to "save" someone. I mean, yeah, I'm sure there are genuine incidents of abuse. But ffs. I've been known to scream at my two. Generally cause i'm half deaf, ds2 is stone deaf in one ear and if there's ANY tv or music on, no one can hear anyone else and it's like, What? What? WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTT FFS!

Nonetheless I find it all a bit worrying the extent of it on mn. especially when people have nothing concrete other than vague suspicions.

mummyofevilprincesses Tue 20-Oct-09 23:18:37

Better safe than sorry I think. I doubt there are many people who would call SS without a great deal of soul-searching. This is why they post on MN first, no-one wants to be an interfering busy-body-type.

We are all parents, no-one wants to have to call SS but if I thought a child was at risk or a family needed real support I would make the call.

JeMeSouviens Tue 20-Oct-09 23:20:06

Yes I'd take a nosy parker butting their nose in anyday over someone turning a blind eye.

My mother once told me that if we ever called SS on her, she'd make it worth her while shock.

meltedmarsbars Tue 20-Oct-09 23:24:23

My relative with an Autistic son has had the police called by the neighbours who heard the meltdown he was having and thought the kid was being harmed. The dad was being harmed, more like!!

Mamazonabroomstick Tue 20-Oct-09 23:25:12

the rule is simple. if you are uncomfortable about a situation you call SS.

It is not your job to investigate and find out whether the child is being abused or not it is theres.
If there is cause for concern they will do what is best for that child. if everything is fine then there will be no further action.

no one should feel guilty about reffering a family to ss.

wannaBe Tue 20-Oct-09 23:26:29

I think it depends on why people consider calling ss though. Because there's screaming at your kids occasionally for eg, and then there is constantly screaming at your kids...

I used to live next door to a woman who constantly screamed at her kids - and I mean constantly, even in the middle of the night. I would wake up to hear her screaming at them and them crying. sad

And yes, I considered ringing ss. I didn't because I did wonder about what if they were just naughty kids or she was just at the end of her teather (she was a single parent who didn't appear to get much support). But I often wonder what happened to those children.

TanyaBranning Tue 20-Oct-09 23:27:25

I think it's important to follow your instincts.

BiteOfFun Tue 20-Oct-09 23:30:12

meltedmarsbars- that is a very real possibility for me, I posted about an incident today, and there was definitely some shouting from me- "Get up! On your bed! Up, now, stop that!" etc etc.

I have decided to video the next one if I can, just so the doctors/social workers can see what I'm dealing with sad

Mamazonabroomstick Tue 20-Oct-09 23:30:49

SS do not just turn up and take children.

Maybe the children aren't being abused but mum needs some help to parent them more effetcivly and postivly. she will get this help once the relevant agencies know about it.

NEVER feel bad about reporting your fears.

FluffyPumpkins Wed 21-Oct-09 00:22:27

so what if you were reported, and it was unfounded? would you just think oh whoever it was,was just being cautious?

Northernlurker Wed 21-Oct-09 00:33:33

I think reporting concerns is one thing - and everybody's duty but a lot of what is mentioned here isn't as clear cut as observing physical or verbal abuse. It often revolves around a posters assumptions and interpretation of behaviour and their judgement is very understandably based on what is a parenting norm for them.

So for example my neighbour might decide to call social services because she sees dd1 walking to and from the house alone and decides that because her parent never did that with her and she doesn't know how old dd1 is but she looks quite small that this therefor equals neglect on my part. What she wouldn't know is that dd1 is a responsible independant 11.5 year old, that she meets her friends sometimes to walk with, that on the way home she spends time with me at work and then I go to collect her sisters whilst she makes her way home getting there about 20 minutes before I do etc etc. Simplistic example but still.

But what do you do - if you suspect abuse and do nothing the consequences are terrible. I suppose the only thing to do is reflect carefully and try to address the issue first with the parents concerned. It astonishes me how reluctant people are to do that. In a few rare cases it could potentially worsen a situation but most of the time talking to somebody and hearing their side of the situation will be enough to call off the hounds of suspicion!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 21-Oct-09 07:12:01

'I am sure there are genuine incidents where intervention is necessary'

No you aren't - you think SS are on a par with the nazis and swoop in to remove chidren at the drop of a fucking hat.

YABU. and ignorant. What do you think SS do? In the case you refer to, a parent roaring at a child constantly is abusive and will damage the child's self esteem, attachments and behaviour. In that case SS should know about it, to investigate what is going on, to offer support to families that are struggling, or to intervene where children are being harmed.

And who are the bloody SS mafia? FFS.

Longtalljosie Wed 21-Oct-09 07:56:30

I think this must be the first time anyone has fallen foul of Godwin's law within the first sentence of a thread...

junkcollector Wed 21-Oct-09 08:06:45

People probably aren't actually reporting anyone to SS though.

Mumsnet has become a bit like the garden fence in some respects. Some people are just gossiping and some people are genuinely concerned about a child and are asking for other people's opinion for reassurance, guidance etc.

TrickorTreatTrunkThighs Wed 21-Oct-09 08:09:52

Had to look it up Longtalljosie but you've made me grin

posieparker Wed 21-Oct-09 08:13:41

I think the cases of ignored abuse in the press has made everyone more aware and responsible when they hear/see children in need.

posieparker Wed 21-Oct-09 08:14:35

I had to look it up too, grin.

reikizen Wed 21-Oct-09 08:25:47

I know what you mean Kerry, but some children really do have the most awful lives and if we know about it we can't just ignore it. I think my radar is particularly sensitive as I have had a lot of child protection training recently and a much of it centres on a lack of action by members of the community. And to be fair, I have worked with social workers and none of them were very threatening!
I just think we all have a responsibility for children. If we can intervene and help to change things ourselves then do so, but if not we should refer to whoever is most appropriate.

LaurieScaryCake Wed 21-Oct-09 08:30:39

I think we all talk about it on here but few people really do call SS. Most abuse is ignored, people walk past adults getting assaulted in the street never mind children.

I wish more people actually did call them - I would be happy for any social worker to visit me (actually they do a lot as I'm a foster carer).

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