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to quit my job because of someone else?

(27 Posts)
lisad123wantsherquoteinDM Tue 20-Oct-09 21:23:49

I have been working where i work now for over a year and love my job. I like everyone i work with, great team, great managerment and lovely girls to see outside of work too. I have an issue with one person, and she is the lady i work most closely with.
She is horrible. She needs to get involved in every part of my job, wants to know why isnt choosen to do certain things if i am, bullies our boss, stomps around and today had a huge go at me. I was having a meeting with a group of professional, discussing concerns about a child we all work with, going though what info we have ect ect. She knocks on the office door (we have anumber of office's, and i had booked this one for the meeting), I waved my hand and shook my head as to indicate, no, but she came in anyways. So later she tells me shes pissed off at me, i had no right to tell her not to come in, shes the person in charge of child protection for our team (but we had another CP lead there for that reason) and i shouldnt have told her to stay out, blah blah blah. I have had enough, she makes my life hell somedays, and im fed up.

I have texted manager to say i need to talk to her, but im close to quitting a job i love
Im always calm and never yell back but im sick of it. She;s like it with loads of people, not just me but she always gets away with it.


Ripeberry Tue 20-Oct-09 21:31:01

Your boss needs to sort this out and grow a backbone! He/she needs to decide, get rid of the bully or lose a valuable member of staff such as yourself.
Have that talk with your manager in private and try and work out a solution. Don't let the bully win, they are very insecure, that is why she got angry at being kept out of the loop.
She will shoot herself in the foot one day big time and will only have HERSELF to blame angry

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM Tue 20-Oct-09 21:34:09

i feel for my boss, she is lovely but young and its her first management role. I complained before and nothing has been done. TBH I came home in tears tonihgt, its just a job and i really dont need the stress, but need the money. Im out int he community working tomorrow so not so bad and i only have to spend 3 days a week with her, but she is driving me mad. I know im not always right but i know how to talk to people.

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM Tue 20-Oct-09 21:36:47

oh and im only on a temp contract, she is perm, although they just renew mine yearly. She got the union involved to get herself a pay raise, but when found out they were looking at mine, due to the highlevel work i do, she kicked off again.
She asked (bullied) to be the person in charge of CP even though she has no experience with it at all, adn i have 6 years of cp and court experience hmm

ineedalifelaundry Tue 20-Oct-09 21:38:50

I wouldn't throw away a job I loved over one person. Most people don't feel so positive about their jobs IME - I wish I loved my job! Everyone has someone at work they don't get on with, although I do think this woman sounds extremely difficult. You said she bullies your boss? Does your boss have problems talking to her about her behaviour then? She needs sorting out - perhaps you need to have a meeting with this woman and your boss to talk things through properly. But I don't think you should walk away from your job, you might not find another that you enjoy as much.

victoriascrumptious Tue 20-Oct-09 21:39:48

I work in a job simular to yours. I would try and accept the fact that these sort of jobs attract a high proportion of people with ishoos. You can't change her and if you get your manager involved this person still will be her annoying self (albeit now annoying AND resentful of the manager intervening). You've got to work out some sort of strategy for not letting her irritate you so much.

ilovemydogandmrobama Tue 20-Oct-09 21:40:00

Could you ask your boss to clarify your job description, and ask specifically who needs to be informed of what? If she says that you don't need to inform colleague, then perhaps you could say, 'great, could you please confirm in writing so we all have clarification?' Treat it as one big misunderstanding, perhaps?

victoriascrumptious Tue 20-Oct-09 21:41:11

You could also try gobbing in her tea every now and again. That helped me through a difficult patch once

ineedalifelaundry Tue 20-Oct-09 21:42:28

If your 'young and inexperienced' boss can't deal with her, maybe you need to go higher - is there someone else who can deal with her or support your boss in dealing with her?

cornsilk Tue 20-Oct-09 21:43:03

She sounds like a nightmare but you can guarantee that other people will feel exactly the same about her.

ineedalifelaundry Tue 20-Oct-09 21:44:29

Victoriascrumptios shock you didn't! Did you?

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM Tue 20-Oct-09 21:44:29

I have asked for that meeting before and been done, but didnt help.
LOL @ ishoos.
She is always threatening to leave and has applied for countless jobs and i know that she drove anumber of people to leave her last wrok place.
I think I may ask for a meeting to discuss it all, i just cant deal with her moods any more

weirdly enough, outside of work shes ok!

Cousel Tue 20-Oct-09 21:44:38

Don't leave your job, how long has she been there? If she is like this to everyone, then you won't be the only person feeling like this.
Have a good chat with your manager asap.
I know its so hard working with difficult people, but try not to let it go you down. make sure your manager folloews up this time

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM Tue 20-Oct-09 21:46:23

i know she has upset a number of people, we are a large team. my BIG boss is lovely, calm and very nice and again has raised this with her in her own way but need to grow a back bone too.

victoriascrumptious Tue 20-Oct-09 21:48:40

Of COURSE I did ineedalifelaundry. One has to resort to guerrilla tactics in times of dire emergency. That, amongst other small pleasures kept me sane during a period where I was being bullied by a very sexist and overbearing man.

nellie12 Tue 20-Oct-09 21:49:53

Get hold of the hr policy on bullying, take it to the meeting with your line manager.
Young or not she has to take action on it. I'm NHS we have dignity at work policy covering this sort of behaviour - sure you're probably similar.

And if you want to put the wind up your colleague leave a copy on your desk wink

you would be unreasonable to leave a job you love because of one woman. I bet she's crap too - they usually are ime.

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM Tue 20-Oct-09 21:50:42

I dont want to sound big headed at all, but i know a lot of it is because she afraid that people will think im better ect. we started at the same place 10 years ago, a nursery and i quickly moved on and got expereince in Child protection, children with disabilities and emotional problems and used to manager a team. I left all of this to get back to working with children and families while i have young children and could do without the stress.
She stayed in the nursery for 9 years till she got this job. Im not saying anything wrong with that, butthats the only reason i can think of. She wants to do everything and be everything to everyone and gets her knickers in a twist when i get given training, groops or complex cases

victoriascrumptious Tue 20-Oct-09 21:51:28

Argh! Dont call a meeting FFS. Meetings are an anathema to all civilised persons.

ineedalifelaundry Tue 20-Oct-09 21:52:00

Oh well, if he was sexist he definitely deserved it. I'll let you off grin

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM Tue 20-Oct-09 21:55:19

LOL @ anathema, i had to look that up! blush

ineedalifelaundry Tue 20-Oct-09 22:00:48

So you think it's personal to you Lisad? Why does she do it to other people too? you also mentioned that she drove lots of people away from another workplace. It sounds less like a personal vendetta against you than it does a general 'ishoo' with working as a team. She wants all the glory for herself, no matter who she's trampling on to get it. Let's hope one of those other jobs she's applying for takes her off your hands in the very near future.

Don't let this woman cause you to come home in tears again. Not worth it..

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM Tue 20-Oct-09 22:11:51

I thin it feels personal somedays, but know shes like it with others but i bear the most of it as i work closely with her.
Im taking myself to bed with a massive headache, will update once spoken to managaerment!

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM Wed 21-Oct-09 22:06:12

right emailed both managers today so will await reply!

Bathsheba Thu 22-Oct-09 06:15:22

hmmmm, her behaviour towards you is not good, but maybe you need to temper the way you deal with her too.

I know various people, DH included, who would have been phenomenally upset at being "shoo-ed" away by sign language from your meeting, even if she had no right to be there...(I remember once DH carried a "dripping with disgusting goodness knows what" bin bag into our living room, to ask me what the disgusting fluid dripping from it was. My immediate reaction was a very angry "oh for goodness sake, put it outside first, stop it dripping everywhere and THEN talk about it" and he was so upset and so furious about how I had spoken to him that he carried on standing there for ages, bin bag in hand, still dripping, telling me how upset he was at how I had spoken to him and how addressing that issue and my disrespect of him was far more important than disposing of said, dripping bin bag....)

Anyway, long anecdotal story there...suffice to say that, in a professional enviroment, *I think* you'd have been better, and less offensive to her to have excused yourself, got our of your chair, slipped out of the door and explained to her that it was a private, confidential meeting, and you already had the correct CP lead for that case in with you, and no, she could not come into this meeting half way through and you would discuss the matter further, if needs be, with her later, then slip back in to the meeting, rather than shooing her away from the door with your hand in silence.

Yes, speak to your bosses about her and how miserable her interfeering is making you, esp if its related to confidential things where her interfeering is breeching the confidentiality rather than just being nosey and wanting to be "involved", but also make sure you are above and beyond reproach in your professional dealings with her (she could equalliy easily go to your bosses to complain that you had flippantly shooed her away when she was actually jut checking that, in her mind, you had the appropriate people with you and didn;t need her input).

tinkerbellesmuse Thu 22-Oct-09 06:42:52

Don't leave your job because of a bully. I did once and regret it. I was young and inexperiences and didn't feel I could stand up for myself, particulrly wen I was aware tat senior people were turning a blind eye to the bitch's womans appalling behaviour.

Keep a note of specific incidents where this woman is rude/undermines you or is unpleasant in any other way.

If your boss is too inexperienced go to her boss or someone in personnel.

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