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im new to this aibu to expect partner to pay for everything bills, xmas pressies for kids as im a sahm

(18 Posts)
nomorecleaning Tue 20-Oct-09 21:08:58

I feel so guilty I know I look after kids but I feel like oliver asking for more.

BrokkenHarted Tue 20-Oct-09 21:11:22

if you live together and they are his kids too then no not at all, YANBU

hatwoman Tue 20-Oct-09 21:12:22

you shouldn't need to "ask". you're a team. he earns money you look after the kids. you put in equal effort - the product of both belongs to both.

if you are in a situation where you have to ask I would suggest you get a joint bank account and then work out a fair system for non-family extras (ie your own spending money...which should be equal)

easyaspie Tue 20-Oct-09 21:14:22

do you have to ask for money? Im a sahm and have don most of the xmas shopping out of the tax credits that go into my account but if i have to pay bills or want more money i tell dp and he gives it to me.

I dont get all that your money and my money stuff.

Lilyloooohhhh Tue 20-Oct-09 21:14:57

nomore we have two accounts now and i get all the child tax / benefits and top up from dp this generally pays for things such as school dinners/ activities/ birthday, xmas presents / days out etc
Maybe something like that may work for you

easyaspie Tue 20-Oct-09 21:17:26

half the time i just transfer the money fro dp's account into my account and forget to mention it but it doesnt matter cos it spent on our family stuff.

PeachesMcLean Tue 20-Oct-09 21:20:18

Welcome to MN, you're a brave woman starting on AIBU!

but no, YANBU. However, i'd say you need to work out the household finances differently. As someone says below, you're a team.

Work out your income, tax credits, salary, the lot. Then your outgoings. Bills, an allowance for stuff like presents, food, essential clothes etc. Then split the difference two ways between you.

You should each have the same amount of money left over afterwards to spend on things of your choice, and a central pot to pay for things you need to pay for together. The two of you are in this together.

You shouldn't be left feeling like Oliver.

nomorecleaning Tue 20-Oct-09 21:21:07

He gives me £900 a month we live in housing I pay out of that £700 for bills he pays out of his wages another £300 for other bills etc, the rest I buy food, etc, he buys food every other day,pays for holidays, take a way, petrol car, etc.
We dont have a joint account although he suggested everything shoulod be signed to him the bills I mean,he has family credit which is included in the money I receive from him aIbu. I going back to college soon which he said he will pay for I feel so bad what do you think.

easyaspie Tue 20-Oct-09 21:24:45

why do you feel bad? does he make you feel that way? is he the father of your children?

nomorecleaning Tue 20-Oct-09 21:33:16

Yes he is the father of our children a good man he works long hours and he has a business Im on my own alot his job is very busy this time of the year he does not make me feel bad I feel bad for not providing for my kids is love enough i got told today my little boy is doing so well at school and he is only 4 im so proud but I never wanted to rely on a man for money but he always supports me.

thatsnotmymonster Tue 20-Oct-09 21:43:40


If you are a SAHM then that is your job. It's not like you're doing nothing- you are nurturing and raising your children, plus a million other things!

Ivykaty44 Tue 20-Oct-09 21:47:33

Why does he get the family credit payed to him? This money is surely for the family and needs to be paid into your account to even things out - otherwise it is as you say -oliver more please when he is holding all the incoming money.....hmm

Get him to have the family credit and childbenifit into your account and leave him with his wages wink then get him to pay the bills smile

Ivykaty44 Tue 20-Oct-09 21:49:17

actually your silly not to have this money paid into your account when you dont have a joint account.

for example goodness forbid - say your dh was rushed to hospital for a while and incapacitated - how would he then give you your housekeeping. He wouldnt and there would be alsorts of problems paying bills etc

smallorange Tue 20-Oct-09 21:50:14

They're his kids too you know!! If you weren't at home you would both be paying for childcare. You are contributing to the family unit - and it's not forever, is it.

nomorecleaning Tue 20-Oct-09 21:52:56

He just had all fi paid to him he just dealt with it,good point IVYKAT44 I will,It make sense although a so goes in for 500, the rest is cheque.

Merrylegs Tue 20-Oct-09 21:55:14

OP is this you too?

nomorecleaning Tue 20-Oct-09 21:59:47

yes it is sorry I did it after as I was trying to explain my situation discretially I changed my name as i was embrassed I have cut my card up I try my best for my kids but got the card becuase I cant provide the things i want for them or our home. sorry blush

iheartdusty Tue 20-Oct-09 22:15:13

would you feel better if you could work? could you do anything in school hours/ when DH is at home?

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