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to have been angry with him?

(24 Posts)
readyfornumber2and3 Tue 20-Oct-09 09:59:19

Yesterday DP went out to do some errands and some painting at our house (we are house sitting for my parents for 2 weeks) and said he would be back for 5pm.

I started the dinner and aimed to have it on the table for 530pm, at 520pm I rang DP to find out where he was and he was still at the house so I told him he was taking the piss as usual (he is always turning up late because he is mucking about on the computer)

We have a 3yr old DS and 11 week old boy/girl twins and he knows what a handful they are, I was also going out to play darts and told him that I wanted some time to get ready.

He turned up at 545pm and told me that he didnt need to apologise and that he shouldnt have had to ring to let me know he was going to be late as he was painting OUR house.

He said that I should apologise to HIM because I had got angry with him, I got ready to go out and before I left I decided that even though I didnt feel I was in the wrong I would apologise and sort things out, When I tried to apologise he told me he didnt want to know and refused to talk to me.

I went out and when I came home he went straight to bed and then ignored me this morning too.

He has gone back to our house and when I rang him just he is still insisting that I am in the wrong and not him

So am AIBU to get annoyed with him turning up 45 minutes late and not bothering to let me know?

Romanarama Tue 20-Oct-09 10:03:50

All sounds very childish to me, but you must be pretty tired with such small babies, house-sitting, painting and decorating, going out in the evening etc. Turning up 45 mins late without warning is a bit annoying though.

Emprexia Tue 20-Oct-09 10:06:00

TBH, i can understand WHY you're annoyed.. i've got a 3yo and a 7mo and just managing to cook a meal is a big triumph around those two.. i cant imagine it with 3!

However, that being said, i dont think it was worth getting angry about, nor him holding a grudge this long.

posieparker Tue 20-Oct-09 10:19:00

I'm too impressed with the fact that you have eleven week old twins and you are going out to play dartssmile.

upahill Tue 20-Oct-09 10:26:47

I think it would curteous for your partner to have apoligised for being later than expected. Even a quick call saying he was just finishing of a bit of painting before he sets off would have been reasonable. We always let each other know if we are going to be later than originally thought. Sometimes my DH may be held up with a customer and it just takes a minute to ring through on the mobile to say he'll be 10/15 mins late. You can redefine or alter plans slightly then.
I would have been annoyed at the lack of manners tbh.

readyfornumber2and3 Tue 20-Oct-09 10:27:29

Posieparker was my first night out since they were born though lol

I feel that he doesnt seem to respect the fact that I have been on the go with 3 kids all day and how much hard work that involves.

I know full well that if I left him with all 3 and then turned up 45 minutes late without warning he would at least expect an apology (and I wouldnt think twice about giving one in those circumstances)

diddl Tue 20-Oct-09 10:29:06

Well, I think you are both wrong, tbh.

I also don´t get this phoning husbands to see where they are.

As long as he was home in time for you to get ready & go out, I can´t see the problem.

I think you were wrong to accuse him of "taking the piss" when you phoned, & I think he is equally ridiculous to not be speaking to you.

readyfornumber2and3 Tue 20-Oct-09 10:30:44

upahill- exactly it would have taken a minute to phone and it would have been no problem at all.

The thing that annoys me the most is his attitude that he doesnt need to apologise or ring!

readyfornumber2and3 Tue 20-Oct-09 10:34:07

diddl I phoned him because I was getting ready to dish up and didnt want the meal that I had cooked to go to waste.

I probably was wrong to tell him he was taking the piss but this is a regular occurance with him and it is starting to really annoy me.

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper Tue 20-Oct-09 10:35:34

I agree, it's all totally OTT - although I know it's all too easy to go this way when you're PN.

If my DH doesn't turn up when dinner is being served I cover his plate and leave it in the oven.

If he hasn't phoned me it means he's not able to as he's on a long call, or just enjoying his music.

I'm guessing you started to stew when you thought you wouldn't be able to go out and it all built up from there.

But sulking is childish and unnecessary IMO.

Always best (but not always achievable!) to try and behave like a grown up.

kickassangel Tue 20-Oct-09 10:35:45

i would be annoyed by this tbh.

dh is always late hoem, or if we meet somewhere. but if we're going out to somewhere else, he HAS to be on tome. why can't he just have the basic courtesy towards me that he extends to others? I should be the MOST important person that he shows respect & politeness to, not getting the left over dregs of good behaviour.

he does now phone if he'll be more than 15 mins late, but it is still v annoying, specially if you've got food ready & have other things to do.

partners have just as much responsibility to their families as they do to work. how would work colleagues act if someone was 45 mins late to a meeting, just cos they forgot the time?

i also think his sulking & not speaking to you is way out of line. fair dos, apologise if you got v angry & shouted, but he should be around to help you out when needed, not just turning up late

ChairmumMiaow Tue 20-Oct-09 10:36:28

I think it is extremely rude of people to arrive late when they have particularly said they will be back by a certain time. Just because he is doing a job on their house doesn't mean he shouldn't maintain politeness!

If a friend was expecting you to turn up at a particular time for a dinner party, I think everyone would expect a phone call to warn of lateness.

Many of us work hard to get the dinner on the table at a time of day when kids can be particularly difficult, and is polite to recognise the added stress that even a few minutes at this time of day can bring. 15 minutes can turn a hungry toddler into a screaming one - worse when you're saying "well I'm sure Daddy will be back in a minute and then we can eat the food that's already ready and that you really want!"

AmNOTMissMsOrMrsAmME Tue 20-Oct-09 10:38:27

I can see why you are bothupset but did your DH know the dinner would be on the table for 5.30pm? If so I would have just plated it up and let him microwave it when he got in.

Hope you enjoyed your night out smile

diddl Tue 20-Oct-09 10:39:21

I do know what you mean about the meal.

I would have left it in the oven.

I just couldn´t bring myself to phone my husband and tell him he´s late for a meal.

He´s an adult,he knows what time meals are at!

worldgonemad72 Tue 20-Oct-09 10:47:24

it does sound like your both in the wrong tbh, i think you over reacted slightly, he was only 45 mins late, he could of been in the middle of painting a wall or something, but he should of let you know by a quick text, just to say he was running late. No need for sulking off him though, thats just childish. Like some other posters have said i would of still plated up and left him to warm it up.

readyfornumber2and3 Tue 20-Oct-09 10:50:22

ANMMOMAM- Yes he did know what time dinner would be.

I always try and serve up his dinner for when he walks in the house because I do appreciate that he goes out and earns all the money and supports us as a family.

I also like us to sit and eat together as a family as that is how I was brought up and I believe its good quality time together.

Chairmummiaow- exactly my 3 yo was pestering for his dinner and I was trying to feed the twins aswell as finish off the dinner, if he had been home at 5pm like he said he could have helped feed the babies while I finished off

kissassangel- dp would never dream of being late for work but doesnt think twice about being late home.
He is actually on holiday this week and meant to be helping me out but has booked loads of mystery shopping jobs to do, his arguement is that if he was at work he wouldnt be home until 6pm so whats my problem!

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper Tue 20-Oct-09 10:51:05

I would never leave my children hungry waiting for Daddy to come home - when the food is ready we eat it whether he's home or not.

As Diddl said, he's an adult and if he hasn't told me he'll be late it would be unreasonable of me to make everyone else wait for him - nor would he expect it.

(I know this isn't what the OP did btw).

StealthPolarBear Tue 20-Oct-09 10:54:00

can i ask how on earth you cook with 11wo twins?

readyfornumber2and3 Tue 20-Oct-09 10:59:41

stealthpolarbear- I cook from scratch everyday as I am a sahm and I see it as my role, its not difficult to do aslong as I plan and am organised, thats why him being 45 minutes late without warning really throws a spanner in the works!

ninagleams Tue 20-Oct-09 11:06:25

"I probably was wrong to tell him he was taking the piss but this is a regular occurance with him and it is starting to really annoy me"

I completely understand. My DP is perpetually late. Out of the last 6 working days he hasn't got home on time once and it pisses me off. I would rationalise it but what's the point? I just want him to get a clue about timing.

StealthPolarBear Tue 20-Oct-09 11:06:59

i'm impressed
i usually manage a salad/pizza with a 2yo and one 4wo

Twintummy Tue 20-Oct-09 11:09:50

I don't think I'd be pissed off but I'd have served up and let him eat his later. 45 minutes wouldn't bother me (DH runs on his own time and I've learnt to deal with it).

I'm more impressed you are going out, serving up food as I've got the same age gap between DD and my twins (much older now) and no way would I have had dinner ready with the twins around. We always ended up eating at about 9pm!

readyfornumber2and3 Tue 20-Oct-09 11:14:56

I must admit that my twins are little angels (compared to what my 3yo was like as a baby anyway lol)

They go down at 6pm and wake about 130am and then back down until about 6am.
Its a bit like having 1 baby anyway as the little boy just likes to sleep and eat and the little girl is happy to sit in her swing while I prepare things lol

I guess I need to let go of my ideals of sitting down as a family and just letting him get on with things then

MaggieBehaveOutGuising Tue 20-Oct-09 12:54:16

how annoying

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