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To not like my DH being referred to as my partner?

(150 Posts)
generalunrest Mon 19-Oct-09 11:17:38

I was on the phone to some twatting call centre the other day, and they asked me what my partners name was, even though they'd just called me Mrs Unrest.

Is it unreasonable of me to not like my DH being categorised as some kind of business partner?

I know that partner covers just about every kind of relationship, but I'm proud of us being married for 10 and I take the vows we took seriously and so don't like them being trivialised by someone else.

Yes...I know I should get a life/get over myself/get annoyed at bigger things, and I'd like to think I'm not being judgy or smug about people who aren't married or those whose marriage has broken up. If I am I'm sure you'll let me know, I'm a big girl, I can take it smile

LaurieScaryCake Mon 19-Oct-09 11:19:15

I'm afraid I think you are being unreasonable.

I welcome the equalisation of language with regards to relationships. (and yes, I too take my vows seriously wink)

CornishKK Mon 19-Oct-09 11:22:08

YABU. What LSC said. Partner describes exactly what my DH is.

MissAnneElk Mon 19-Oct-09 11:22:55

YABU. They can't assume that just because you are Mrs Unrest that there is a Mr Unrest. Depends on what sort of call centre it is too. If they are selling you insurance or a financial product for example it is important for the name to be correct.

VictoriousSponge Mon 19-Oct-09 11:23:20

no i always correct and say he is my husband

Ivykaty44 Mon 19-Oct-09 11:24:03

him in doors, would have been a far better term, thats what they become when you marry wink

At work I'm under strict instructions to refer to people as "your partner" when talking to someone unless I know for sure they are husband and wife. Even though you are "Mrs" for all they know you could be divorced and have a new partner, or a widow with a new partner.

Work are very worried about offending someone by referring to their "husband" if they're not married.

You can't win.

VictoriousSponge Mon 19-Oct-09 11:25:44

are peopel offended by this?

zazen Mon 19-Oct-09 11:29:01

I kept my 'old' name when I got married, as I like it, and am used to it, and I use it professionally - but people always call me Mrs "maiden name" now, which is beginning to sound weird to me as that's my mum's name!

I wouldn't take that call so personally - the call centre person is just reading from a script you know, making sure they have all the details of your life correct.

Partner is a way of describing a lot of relationships, and it's an umbrella term, used instead of the word husband in the hope of not causing offense to those who might feel judged if they were unmarried IYSWIM.

VictoriousSponge Mon 19-Oct-09 11:30:08

but if no one is offended by being mistaken for a husband of wife then whey even start the partenr craopla

AMumInScotland Mon 19-Oct-09 11:30:35

I'd say "partner" includes "husband" - they are just trying to be inclusive. As others said, you could be Mrs X and not living with Mr X, or call yourself Mrs X even though you're not technically married. They don't know you, or anything about you.

VictoriousSponge Mon 19-Oct-09 11:31:38

so why not call someone a husband
and if youarent married then get over it

ScaryFucker Mon 19-Oct-09 11:31:56

oh dear

have you much time on your hands ? smile

BEAUTlFUL Mon 19-Oct-09 11:32:51

I know exactly what you mean. So if YABU, then IAMBUT. smile

colditz Mon 19-Oct-09 11:33:07

I have been, in the past, far more offended by my partner being referred to as my husband. I don't need a husband, someone to "Bind my house". I needed a partner, an equal to me.

And I was probably being just as daft as you are wink

AMumInScotland Mon 19-Oct-09 11:33:08

If someone has separated from an abusive husband (or just a twat), then they won't want people to refer to their current partner as their husband. He is not her husband, he is much nicer than her husband. her husband exists and is a totally different person from the one being referred to.

TheDemonicButDandyLioness Mon 19-Oct-09 11:35:16

I don't think YABU. It's not a big thing, but it does irritate me too.

generalunrest Mon 19-Oct-09 11:40:12

ScaryFucker, 'have you much time on your hands ?'
I'm supposed to be revising and any little distraction is very helpful, what's your excuse?? wink

Demonic, yeah, it's not a big thing, but grates on me. I've never had or wanted much status in life, but it's one status I set a lot of store by, not to everyones taste, perhaps I'm just old fashioned like that?

ScaryFucker Mon 19-Oct-09 11:43:08

GU, my excuse is I am dodging the housework smile

VictoriousSponge Mon 19-Oct-09 11:43:47

lol at scarey

generalunrest Mon 19-Oct-09 11:48:37

Fair dos Scarey, it's not going anywhere is it...unfortunately smile

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 19-Oct-09 11:53:08

YANBU
I get irritated beyond measure when referred to as Miss X or Mrs X, these things are annoying. But I always use Ms and partner if I don't know the status and leave it to them to correct me. It's better than making assumptions!

MillyR Mon 19-Oct-09 12:21:52

If you are Mrs Whoever, they cannot assume you are married to Mr Whoever; you might actually have a civil partnership with another Mrs Whoever.

They cannot assume your partner is a man and refer to him as 'husband' just because you are a Mrs.

DorotheaPlentighoul Mon 19-Oct-09 12:30:10

YABU to imply that the term partner "trivialises" your vows. How so, exactly?

BiteOfFun Mon 19-Oct-09 12:40:31

I thnk it's actually more offensive/awkward the other way around. At least "partner" can include the idea of a husband. Whereas if somebody says "husband" and you happen not to be legally married, then you have to stumble around saying "Oh, he's not my husband, he's...er...he's...my boyfriend/lover/bidey-in/one in a long succession of uncles who babysits while I'm out feeding my crack habit", or whatever you imagine is the explanation the other person wants. It's awkward and embarrassing, and if you use "partner" from the off to include all committed relationships, then it's much more respectful.

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