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to think my parents should make more effort to be at their only grandchild's first birthday celebration?

(11 Posts)
ellipsis Sun 18-Oct-09 17:35:27

I've been trying to arrange to get my parents (not local) and dh's parents and siblings (all local) together to celebrate dd's first birthday. Not a big thing, just tea and cake whenever people were free. It's been a right nightmare trying to find a time, I don't expect anyone to make it a huge priority so have been trying to fit in as best we can.

We thought we had found a weekend when most were free and were happy with that, but it turns out my mum and dad can't do it because my 28 year old sister wants them to give her a lift to the airport for her holiday.

AIBU to think my sister is a grown up and should sodding well get the train to the airport? She backpacked alone around South America for six months fgs, she's perfectly capable.

KembleTwinsMwahahaha Sun 18-Oct-09 17:41:02

YANBU to think that your sister should get herself to the airport, but YABU to expect other people (even family people) to be as interested in celebrating your DD's birthday as you are. My in-laws weren't even remotely interested in attending our DT's first birthday (or any birthday since, as it happens) even though we invited them and asked them to stay with us for the weekend. I was pissed off at the time, but we had a lovely time without them, and the DTs obviously didn't notice whether they were there or not.

I always feel that 1st birthdays should be as much a celebration for the parents (hooray - we got though the first year with sanity intact) as for the children, so crack open a bottle of bubbly, cook a lovely meal and toast your success.

TspookyChasm Sun 18-Oct-09 17:46:49

It's funny - I'm not sure if we see things from too close up, or they see things from too much of a distance in terms of importance/perspective.

My own family is quite hot on birthdays and yet I clearly remember my parents arranging a weekend away to Llandudno(sp) (why??) for some pressing reason right on dt's 1st birthday. I was most miffed as I recall, because it was of great significance to me (all a long time ago now). I still am a bit hmm even all this time later.

Just carry on with what you intend to do. I think there comes a time when you have to carry on regardless and try not to read too much into it or you'd drive yourself mad over this kind of thing.

ellipsis Sun 18-Oct-09 17:50:27

I know it's not for dd really, she'll be completely oblivious! It's totally for us . I wouldn't expect many people to be interested, but they dote on her so much when they see her (and mum in particular seems to get very jealous of the time MIL spends with her) that I thought at least they would try.

I don't really blame my sister as I don't think they've even mentioned the clash to her, just asked her if she was hoping for a lift, and when she said yes told us, sorry, can't make it.

harrumph.

thirtysomething Sun 18-Oct-09 17:54:55

depends if they are expecting you to rearrange? can see it's hurtful and seems irrational - kind of depends how involved they are with DD and how much of a big deal birthdays are in your family? I've found that neither side are that interested in seeing the grandchild on their birthdays but are into doing the big present-sending etc. For several years running my mum was clearly miffed about NOT being invited over on my DCs birthdays so i started inviting her and then she'd make an excuse. Came to the conclusion she was simply making the point that she SHOULD be invited rather than that she had a pressing desire to see her grandchildren on their birthdays. fits with the general pattern of how things are in general with her.

Don't know if that makes any sense but i think the important thing is to start as you mean to go on with birthdays... and as others have said it's a huge thing for you as parents to have made it through the first year! It's the one birthday the child hardly notices so it's all about celebrating your first year as a family unit; you have chosen to include your wider family in that - if they don't want to be part of that then that's their choice I guess but shouldn't ruin your own celebration. Maybe it's their way even of acknowledging that you have your own family now?

babybarrister Sun 18-Oct-09 17:55:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skidoodle Sun 18-Oct-09 17:58:56

Telling someone you are not free to visit them because you have to bring another, physically and mentally capable, adult to the airport is pathetic.

If the bar is set that low for their unavailability, then I think I would just assume that they don't want to come and make arrangements without them.

wb Sun 18-Oct-09 17:59:00

Well, the important thing is that they do dote on her when they do see her, much better that then that they pay lots of attention on her birthday and ignore her the rest of the year. If your mum is a bit jealous of your MiL's relationship with your dd then perhaps she'd rather see her on another day when she can be number 1 granny.

The thing is your first child's first birthday is really only very important to you (the parents), to everyone else, it's just a birthday. I felt exactly the same with my pfb (and he really was my pfb) and now feel quite guilty that by ds2 I had come back down to earth a bit (we still celebrated but no big party and I didn't brood over who couldn't make it. So yes, YABU but you are not the only one.

mumblechum Sun 18-Oct-09 18:05:00

First birthdays are totally irrelevant so far as the child is concerned.

I really wouldn't bother inviting anyone who'd have a long journey just to sit around & have some cake.

skidoodle Sun 18-Oct-09 18:06:35

I don't know, my DD's first birthday was a big deal to my parents.

But then she is the pfbgc, so perhaps they were being silly.

BadPoet Sun 18-Oct-09 18:11:41

YANBU, but only if IANBU to still be bitter at the memory of both sets of grandparents arranging to go on holiday around ds's 1st birthday and then kicking up a stink when we failed to find a date that would suit everyone.

My pfbgc dd on the other hand...everyone had blocked it out in their diaries for months grin

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