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DH and his toy car again

(13 Posts)
CaresMildly Sun 18-Oct-09 08:34:51

OK, DH is officially an arse. He is in the middle of his weekend playing with his stupid little car and has had a change of heart (if you recall I agreed he could do this one weekend as it was too late to pull out, but after that was to stop).

Anyway, he now is trying to bargain so that he can carry on with his pathetic go-karting hobby. He is 10 kinds of wanker and I'm not happy.

Having ranted, pleaded, shown him original thread and all sorts, I don't seem to be able to get him to understand why I am so against it.

So I think the only thing to do is to demonstrate and make him feel crap, so he realises why I am so upset. The easy thing to do of course would be just to disappear for a weekend to a spa and leave him with DD and DDog. But then it occurred to me that he'll just be able to suck that up and I won't have gained anything in the long-term.

So really I to find something to do that will occupy me, DD and DDog for a weekend. DD is 15 months and into everything. DDog, otoh, is old, smelly and bad-tempered. I am struggling to think of anything that could occupy the 2 of them. Ideally I need this hobby to have a good selection of other people there, including men.

DH needs to be made jealous basically - not just of me but of the 3 of us (me, DD DDog) to see that if he doesn't value our company then other people do. It may sound horrible, and it is, but I'm at my wit's end. For various reasons I can't just walk out, but DH can't just be allowed to behave like my opinion is worth nothing.

He's gone of like Joan of bloody Arc this morning, all matyred pretending he's doing his last session when I know full well that he has no intention of giving up.

Please help if you can by a) agreeing this is not unreasonable and b) suggesting anything that me, DD and DDog can do?

carocaro Sun 18-Oct-09 08:40:32

Balance?

Can he agree to do it some of the time and not all of the time?

Can you do something for you as well?

Say you can either bothe be fucked off or find a soloution that works for both of you.

15 months is such a hard age, you need to be with them all the time and they don't leave you alone!

DH was the same, Man Utd season tickets, £800! He used to work away all week then fuck off to the football every other weekend, be out for hours inc. travelling time etc.

He did not give it up for me or the kids, he gave it up as we could no longer afford it, when he did, he did say that he was worried about our two boys missing him and it was selfish, nothing about me!

CaresMildly Sun 18-Oct-09 08:47:55

There is no balance is there. He wants a hobby and doesn't seem to care what effect it has on the rest of the family.

So he can fucking well find out what it feels like and beg for me, DD and DDog to give him some of our time when we find our great new hobby with loads of men who like spending time with grubby toddlers and smelly dogs ...

Snorbs Sun 18-Oct-09 09:43:59

I haven't read the original thread you refer to, so I dunno if you're BU to be so upset about him having a hobby.

But I would say it would be totally unreasonable to make your point by trying to make him jealous. That's juvenile, passive-aggressive crap.

If you're pissed off that he's getting time to himself and you're not, then tell him that you'll also be taking the same amount of time out of a weekend. If you're pissed of for the amount of time he's taking for himself, then deal with that directly and come up with some compromise that you can both live with.

Trying to get your own way by playing passive-aggressive jealousy games is just going to make matters worse and breed even more resentment.

GypsyMoth Sun 18-Oct-09 09:48:34

parks are full of weekend dads.....

car boots??

dog shows....just looking ,not competing!!!

GypsyMoth Sun 18-Oct-09 09:50:24

i remember the thread vaguelly...and now i see he won't listen. not can't,won't!!!

it isn't fair....my ex was similiar....he EXPECTS you to just be there,in the background,doing the chores/childcare/dog....there is NO consideration.

CaresMildly Sun 18-Oct-09 10:15:48

That's it ILOVEBiscuits - he just won't listen to me. So although I know I am behaving badly I feel backed into a corner.

It's all very well trying to be adult and compromise and work things out. But if someone acts like an arse then they deserve a dirty great kick up it, surely?

diddl Sun 18-Oct-09 11:25:59

But if he really is interested, and you want him to stop completely, how is that fair?

Then it´s all your way!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sun 18-Oct-09 11:31:38

Can you link to the original thread?

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween Sun 18-Oct-09 11:37:58

Not having seen the original thread, I agree with Diddl

CyradisTheSeer Sun 18-Oct-09 11:49:45

Message withdrawn

Ineedmorechocolatenow Sun 18-Oct-09 11:53:42

I remember the original thread and remember it was something to do with his dominating sister, who just went ahead and bought all the kit without his say-so??

He is being an arse. YANBU.

Not sure what to suggest with hobbies for toddlers and dogs...

I agree that maybe one weekend a month?

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween Sun 18-Oct-09 14:13:43

I have read the original thread and I still agree with Diddl.

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