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to be so pee'd off with SiL that I'm not sure I want her in our house anymore......

(33 Posts)
Bambinoloveseggbirds Sat 17-Oct-09 22:23:20

DS is 9 months now and all year all I've had is one dig after the other from my SiL (and my MiL to a certain extent but she got bored quite a while ago). I've pretty much ignored most of them but they are starting to really get on my nerves and the latest ones have left me quite upset.

DS is a very chilled baby and has such a lovely nature but whenever she comes in, she waves toys in his face and is so loud it just freaks him out and he always starts screaming (plus he's at the age where he is naturally a bit clingy). She came over last week and the usual screaming started and she got quite annoyed and said "you need to take him to baby groups" (which I won't as he starts nursery in January and he hated the groups when I took him), and now today she came in, cue usual screaming, my DH picked him up and in a really mocking voice she said "boo hoo I want my daddy. You used to be a such nice child".

I should have said something earlier I know but I am fuming now. AIBU to tell DH that I don't want her round anymore.

ConnieComplaint Sat 17-Oct-09 22:25:57

Does she have any children of her own? She sounds quite young (or immature).

whyme2 Sat 17-Oct-09 22:26:55

She sounds lovely.

I would explain that your ds doesn't like xyz and please don't do it. If she doesn't get that then you need to get your dh on side to speak to her.

ChunkyMonkeysMum Sat 17-Oct-09 22:27:27

OMG, what a bitch !!! (SiL that is, not you OP grin)
YANBU

seaglass Sat 17-Oct-09 22:28:06

maybe slightly U to say she can't visit, but definately plan ahead for the next visit - "Funny, he only ever behaves like this when you're here, maybe he's scared of you/doesn't like you/thinks you're a witch" Delete as necessary

Heated Sat 17-Oct-09 22:28:42

Tell her, "It's only you he reacts like this to. If you want him to be not frightened, try..."

Some plain Yorkshire speaking is required.

Bambinoloveseggbirds Sat 17-Oct-09 22:28:47

You'd think so wouldn't you, but Connie, she's 42 with 3 kids (grown up). She thinks that all kids should be playing from the moment they wake up till they go to bed. Fine for toddlers but for a 9 month old!!

cupcakesinthesnow Sat 17-Oct-09 22:29:26

What a bitch. Tell her to stay away as she is scares ds and obviusy has no idea about how to behave around babies! I hope ds is sick all over her grin

HumphreyCobbler Sat 17-Oct-09 22:29:30

Tell her that he doesn't like things being shaken in his face and that if she approached him a bit more sensitively he would be pleased to see her.

She sounds annoying but from this incident it doesn't seem worth the hassle of banning her from the house.

dollius Sat 17-Oct-09 22:30:44

What do you mean by "he hated the groups when I took him." He is 9 months old. He doesn't hate anything.

Anyway, side issue.

Just tell SIL that he only starts screaming when she enters the room. Otherwise he is completely chilled out.

Bambinoloveseggbirds Sat 17-Oct-09 22:31:13

Seaglass I said that last time. "he's only like this around you" and she got very defensive. I don't want to start rows with my in-laws but after 9 months I've just had enough. DH said he will talk to her but I know he'll fall for the "I was only saying" line.

Bambinoloveseggbirds Sat 17-Oct-09 22:32:53

Sorry, still fuming, I meant that he wasn't interested in the groups, rather than hated.

nappyzonecantrunfortoffee Sat 17-Oct-09 22:33:43

i would say "well you used to be a nice person" even if she wasnt. This would too gget my back up and i would now be thinking up all the one liners to fire back at every comment blush

6feetundertheGroundhogs Sat 17-Oct-09 22:40:42

Bambino, WTF is her problem? DON'T feel guilty about retalliating to one of her shitty and cheap remarks.

"he's only like this around you" is a good stock line to use again and again.

Otherwise a sharp "What EXACTLY do you mean by that SIL, that sounded awful!. Get her to explain herself.

If she trots out the 'I was only saying' bull, interrupt her, and say, sweetly and quietly "this is my son, my house...Please, Just don't."

If it causes an atmosphere, so be it, if it stops her coming round, so be it. You have absolutely got the right to be treated with respect in your own home, and your son too.

Bambinoloveseggbirds Sat 17-Oct-09 22:44:41

You're right 6feetunder, if she doesn't respect me then fine but she should show some manners in my house and nor insult my DS. I think DH needs to have a word with her.

LittleWhiteWereWolf Sat 17-Oct-09 22:49:41

How about "what a horrid thing to say about a 9 month old baby...what did you mean by it" said in a very calm matter of fact voice, putting her in the spotlight and making her explain herself.

I love going to baby group, but thats just me. They arent compulsory and dont mean the children who attend them will be 100% outgoing, nor that those that dont will be 100% shy. Its your choice if you go, not your Sils.

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP Sat 17-Oct-09 22:50:51

My sil has the most annoyingly loud 'look at me' personality that eclipses everybody and everything being said in the vicinity. Nothing's ever gentle, and she's incapable of listening to anyone else.

I walked on eggshells for a couple of years to keep the peace, but in the end I had to say something, nothing angry, but she took offence, and we don't really talk now...ah well, all's well that ends well grin

Bambinoloveseggbirds Sat 17-Oct-09 22:52:44

She's so full of contradictions because she is pig ignorant. She thinks that I'm cruel putting DS in nursery (even though it;s only for 2 half day per week) as "he'll catch everything going", but then thinks I should take him to baby groups to "socialise". FFS, do they hold baby groups in a sterile tent.

Bambinoloveseggbirds Sat 17-Oct-09 22:54:40

Bleep, my SiL sounds like yours. A total lack of ability to rationalise or listen to different opinions. She's right and that's that.

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup Sat 17-Oct-09 23:00:23

Can only second the 'oh, that's weird, he's fine with other people' suggestions!
My dd goes to nursery 3 times a week but is still shy with people she doesn't see a lot. It's perfectly understandable (and sensible) behaviour, not just because they don't go to nursery!
She sounds like a bit of a nut.. Old children - I guess they did things differently then

2rebecca Sat 17-Oct-09 23:01:49

I'd just tell her what I thought of her behaviour, and go out sometimes if she's coming round as it sounds like you'd rather see less of her. leave her to chat to your brother.
If she starts discussing your child rearing I'd just politely say "sorry but that's none of your business, it's up to us how we raise our children".
Being blunt at the beginning gives the impression you won't be bossed around and criticised.
I wonder why she bothers coming round.

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP Sat 17-Oct-09 23:06:05

Lets face it bambino, if you're being polite to keep the peace, whose peace is that? With my sil it certainly wasn't mine lol Luckily my DH was only too aware of what she was like and sympathised, he also wasn't bothered about us not having much to do with her.

If you do feel it'd be more hassle than it's worth to not have her round, just say what you think to her when she visits. If you say it in a way that's not rude/angry, and she doesn't like it, she wont want to come round and you wont be fuming [big smiles all round]

PeedOffWithNits Sat 17-Oct-09 23:10:10

next time she distresses your baby, pick baby up and say "there now X its only nasty/scary/loud auntie Y, take no notice of her, mummy doesn't"

6feetundertheGroundhogs Sun 18-Oct-09 01:00:55

Bambino, I understand you want to go through proper protocol etc and DH ought to say something, but somehow if he does, it escalates the thing up a notch.

Sis, I need a chat... Can I have a word please Sis... it's a toughy however the conversation starts.

Perhaps agree with DH that when she imparts her next bit of SIL genius, that you will say,

Oh, that's not nice,
or
What do you mean by that?

or
oh excuse me SIL, if you are visiting us in our homes, I'd appreciate a lack of off colour comments and a little more respect.

You HAVE to stand up for yourself woman to woman somehow, she's not like this around DH then? only the people she feels she can do it to?

All DH has to do then is to say SIL, you are being rude, or it sounded off to me too, or if my DW says you have offended her, then you need to listen and apologise.

Easier all round, and it shows you have backbone, and for her not to F$%k with you again.

Bambinoloveseggbirds Sun 18-Oct-09 09:54:44

6feet, you're right re DH approaching her. It will just make things worse and I can imagine her storming round all guns blazing. I really should have said what I was thinking yesterday. It was only after months of her comments that I snapped back at her last time (over the baby group dig).

I am quite a shy person and don't like fighting, but the approach I would normally take in these situations - a rational conversation - would be wasted on her as she loves a row. She has quite an attitude problem and her body language is so defensive, like I offered her a seat and she wouldn't sit down (for over an hour), just stood there with her arms crossed with a sneer on her face. I am not raising my child the way she wants me to and like all ignorant people, she can't understand why I am doing things differently to her. I said to DH last night that I'm not going to be insulted in my own home again. If they come round fine I'll be civil but I'm not taking anymore crap in my own house - I'll just take DS upstairs and ask them to leave and come back when they are willing to show some respect.

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