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to resent my smug married friends?

(54 Posts)
chloe2910 Fri 16-Oct-09 17:19:51

I have one particular group of friends who are very traditional (all from a farming background or married to farmers) Some are married, some are not but they are very much of the opinion that you should get married, then have children.

I am not married, and my DP is older than me and has 2 DS from a previous marriage. I am pregnant with my 1st. One of my friends from this particular group is also pregnant with her 1st, due a week after me. 3 others in the group are married, 1 has 2 DC and 1 has 1 and is pregnant with the 2nd.

AIBU to be annoyed at the smugness of the pregnant ones? I am very excited to be pregnant, and blissfully happy with my DP (which should be enough I hear you cry!) but last week, when we had our fortnightly get together I left feeling quite put out.

First of all they were using their wedding rings and a piece of hair to predict the sex of their babies, but said that it wouldn’t work on me as I didn’t have my own wedding rind and using someone elses or and ordinary ring wouldn’t work. (I know it’s an old wives tail, and utter nonsense, but a bit of fun and it would have been nice to involve my bump too!)

I am also very fit and healthy, and am continuing to ride my horse (although not jump) and attend hockey training with my club (although, alas, am not playing in matches!), and they made me feel like a terrible person for doing so as they have given up riding, and even running, although she used to go every day.

AIBU feeling miffed? I feel excluded from the group because of my slightly unorthodox situation, and I feel like I am being judged for the choices I am making about my pregnancy and my body. When I asked the others what I felt was a perfectly reasonable question (‘have you felt a bit concerned about the weight gain and loss of control over the shape of your body?’) I was made to feel like I was unfit to be pregnant!

TheDevilEatsBabies Fri 16-Oct-09 17:23:12

ooh.
yanbu. grin

the wedding ring thing to predict baby's sex doesn't have to be your ring.

TheDevilEatsBabies Fri 16-Oct-09 17:23:54

and you can also do it with a pin.

2shoescreepingthroughblood Fri 16-Oct-09 17:24:08

doubt if it is cos they are married, more likely that they are just smug people

TrillianSlasher Fri 16-Oct-09 17:25:07

Wedding rings can't predict the sex of babies, you should have asked them if they realised they were doing witchcraft and seen them look like this shock

hunkermunker Fri 16-Oct-09 17:27:07

Congratulations on your pregnancy - don't worry about what other people do, just what you do.

There are two "I was made to feel" statements in your post about things which are probably easily reversible. I reckon that the women you were with were "made to feel" that they ought to be taking more exercise - especially as you then went on to talk about weight gain.

It does sound like you're projecting a bit. Are you slightly envious that they're married and you're not?

TotalChaos Fri 16-Oct-09 17:29:03

I think the wedding ring thing wasn't very nice but I think the exercise issue is a difference of opinion rather than a pointed insult - and the weight gain comment probably didn't go down well, they were probably defensive as they thought you were implying they were great big heifers.

diddl Fri 16-Oct-09 17:29:05

They have chosen their situation, you have chosen yours.

If you are all happy, then surely you can all be smug?

pumpkinpasties Fri 16-Oct-09 17:33:20

oh chloe, poor you, just try to ignore them, or be twice as smug, saying how happy you are with your chap.
but please be careful with your activities, you are carying such a precious bundle, if anything bad should happen, you'd be forever blaming yourself, (i speak from experience)
have you got any normal friends you can hang out with?

chloe2910 Fri 16-Oct-09 17:33:58

I hope they didn't think i was implying they were big hmm. They shouldnt have done, as are both naturally a lot tinier than me!!

As for the wanting to be married bit - it's just not for me - I have been asked, but we decided against it!! I guess I just don't like being judged for my decisions.

chloe2910 Fri 16-Oct-09 17:35:17

Oh, and I have lots of 'normal' friends (or friends that wouldn't judge me for anything I do, or REAL friends if you will!!!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointyhat Fri 16-Oct-09 17:41:37

Being married didn't come into it that much, did it? The mad ring-waving was it, really.

How come you know a whole group of pregnant farming women? Maybe all farming women are smug?

chloe2910 Fri 16-Oct-09 17:42:24

Really??? I have felt like that (although now i look obviously pregnant and not spare tyreish, it doesn't bother me anymore) Maybe I am terribly insensitive, but the question was asked of people tinier than me (by a long way!) and because it was something I felt and thought was a reasonable thing to discuss with supposedly close girlfriends? Maybe i should change the thread to 'Am I being Insensitive?' hmm

pointyhat Fri 16-Oct-09 17:42:32

oh come on, janitor. It doesn't HAVE to be done with your own ring seeing as it's a load of old cobblers.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointyhat Fri 16-Oct-09 18:01:01

for fun of course

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointyhat Fri 16-Oct-09 18:16:08

that's not how my mind works, janny. I'd've done it for fun with a ring pull.

ABetaDad Fri 16-Oct-09 18:18:52

Farming people can be very odd and very very odd. Dont read too much into it.

You sound like you are doing everything just right and they did invent ultrasound to predict babys sex. Enjoy your pregnancy.

<flicks through copy of Farmers Weekly and casts a rheumy eye to the weather just for old times sake>

QuintessentialShadowsOfDoom Fri 16-Oct-09 18:19:31

There is nothing magical about a ring pull.

Did you seriously believe you would have an accurate answer from a ^ring pull^???

pointyhat Fri 16-Oct-09 18:19:46

Aha, I thought so. The farming part is the problem, not the married part.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ABetaDad Fri 16-Oct-09 18:27:44

chloe2910 - marriage is very important to farmers because land passes from generation to generation down farming families and of course predicting the birth of a son to pass it down to is also crucial. The weight of expectation from past and future generations hangs over the pregnancies of your friends.

As first born farmer's son I was the black sheep and a major disappointment to my parents for leaving the land of course. blush

I am not joking - this stuff really matters to farming folk!

pointyhat Fri 16-Oct-09 19:08:21

I never used a ring pull. I never used my wedding ring. But I firmly believe a ring pull contains as much magic as a wedding ring and would give me an equally accurate 'answer'.

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