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Left DD sobbing in classroom, did I over react?

(56 Posts)
geisha Thu 15-Oct-09 09:26:16

Waiting for school doors to open this morning I hear a friend of DD's say to her Nanny, "DD said she doesn't care". (Friend had told DD that she had a new tooth growing. I discretely summonsed DD and asked her if she had said this and asked her to apologise to her friend. She burst into tears whilst apologising (normal for DD) and upon returning to me said they were only little words. I replied that yes, they are little but very hurtful words especially coming from a friend. I have left DD is class sobbing. She is not sobbing for what she has done, but sobbing because I told her teacher what she has done and why I have left her upset in the classroom.

DD was on the receiving end of unkind words herself last year, so knows exactly how it feels. I do think I probably over reacted but I am so disappointed she could be unking in anyway to anyone. At home we place so much value on kindness (and trying our best).

A friends mother overheard DD telling her daughter in the classroom after I left - I don't like my mummy! sad

potoftea Thu 15-Oct-09 09:30:12

I'd have done the same, but probably regretted it later. You could've waited until after school to explain to your dd that she'd hurt her friend with her words, but it won't kill her to be a bit upset.

potoftea Thu 15-Oct-09 09:31:17

God, I sound hard in that post. blush

Your dd has probably forgotten the incident by now though.

troutpout Thu 15-Oct-09 09:35:48

A little bit maybe...haven't we all though
She'll be alright geisha

geisha Thu 15-Oct-09 09:36:04

I will talk to her again after school. I was so shocked and upset with her. The teacher was very reasssuring and told me to go and have a cup of tea!! I was in a bit of a state. Should I get her to do a little card for her friend or is that way OTT. Should I let the friends mum know about it and that I am dealing with it?

ChopsTheDuck Thu 15-Oct-09 09:36:37

I've left dd sobbing at school like that and felt really guilty. Once I went back to check she was ok, and looked in to see her merrily playing! angrygrin I'm sure she is fine.

geisha Thu 15-Oct-09 09:36:52

I'm not concerned about leaving her crying - she'l get over it. I'm concerned that she could be unkind in any way!

ChopsTheDuck Thu 15-Oct-09 09:40:10

i see! grin

I think the card would be a bit ott. I'd leave it now. She is probably feeling a bit humiliated and I doubt she'd do it again in a hurry.

pjmama Thu 15-Oct-09 09:41:30

I'd let it go. She's been told off and got upset about it, so the telling off has obviously been taken seriously. I'm sure she'll have forgotten all about it by now.

As for being unkind, I think probably most kids are capable of being a bit thoughtless sometimes, they're still learning how to interact and will make mistakes. FWIW I feel guilty every time I have to tell one of mine off regardless of what it was for, goes with the territory!

troutpout Thu 15-Oct-09 09:43:48

Geisha...it was such a little thing.
I do think you are being a little ott if i'm honest. She wasn't particularly unkind or malicious...and she's just learning.She made a mistake and you corrected it. i think maybe that's enough.

jelliebelly Thu 15-Oct-09 09:43:49

I think a card would be ott. you did the right thing in asking her to apologise but with hindsight maybe involving the teacher etc was a bit humiliating. She'll have forgotten all about it by hometime smile

geisha Thu 15-Oct-09 09:47:14

Ok, no card. Is it worth giving the childs mother a quick call do you think?

geisha Thu 15-Oct-09 09:47:44

I suppose I could wait until I next see her in the playground which will likely be tomorrow!

starwhoreswonaprize Thu 15-Oct-09 09:48:32

Nice of friends mother to tell youhmm. When you pick her up you give her a huge hug and tell her you love her and mention nothing of this morning. She did something wrong and you dealt with it as you saw fit, end of the story, unless she wants to discuss it with you.

pjmama Thu 15-Oct-09 09:48:49

I wouldn't contact the other childs mother.

ChopsTheDuck Thu 15-Oct-09 09:49:16

I'd mention it in the playground rather than makign too big a thing of it.

jelliebelly Thu 15-Oct-09 09:49:50

I wouldn't make too much of it tbh. Children often say things without realising that they are being unkind - she has apologised and I would leave it there. besides, she probably really didn't care that her friend had a new tooth coming grin

shootfromthehip Thu 15-Oct-09 09:51:43

I've found that when my DD is upset by something, that is when she learns the best. And try to remember that whilst you prioritise kindness at home, the rest of the world doesn't always share your priorities. It is not abnormal for a loving child to say something mean at school- sometimes it is survival and sometimes they just haven't learn appropriateness yet. I'd refer to it in passin, reminding her that you are disappointed in her and then leave it.

overmydeadbody Thu 15-Oct-09 09:53:29

geisha it was a very small thing, I hink you should drop it now and not mention it again, you have dealt with it, she has apologised, end of story.

It would be very unrealistic of anyone to expect and assume that their child will always be nice and kind and never say a hurtful word to anyone, ever.

Mayber your child was just being honest, rather than trying to deliberately be hurtful? Maybe your DD didn't care about her friend's tooth?

overmydeadbody Thu 15-Oct-09 09:55:33

Oh God don't call the child's mother!shock

Just leave it now.

Merrylegs Thu 15-Oct-09 09:56:14

"At home we place so much value on kindness (and trying our best)."

So when she said 'sorry' and 'they were only little words', you could have accepted that and left her with a hug and a 'don't worry about it now'. Rather than taken her into class, crying and grassed her up in front of her teacher, That's not very kind and a bit humiliating for your DD I should imagine.

"I'm not concerned about leaving her crying - she'll get over it."

Oh. That's a little sad. She said something thoughtless. She was picked up on it. It was made a Big Deal of. No wonder she is crying. Is this more about your saving face? Her unkind words reflect badly on you? Is that why you want to give the child a card? Let it go. You have made way too big a deal of this already.

I bet the other child was open mouthed at the time and effort you put into this!

diddl Thu 15-Oct-09 09:56:20

TBH,I can´t believe you said anything at all.

RealityBites Thu 15-Oct-09 09:57:15

Message withdrawn

geisha Thu 15-Oct-09 09:57:49

Thank you - I appreciate the MN perspective! smile

treedelivery Thu 15-Oct-09 09:57:52

If some child said this to my pfb I'd be impressed to see they apologised, and sorry they were upset about it. Sure I'd be a bit sensitive to the idea of a child being unking to my dd, but I'd try to remember it isn't personal. It's just their age and maturity levels and so on. I certainly wouldn't expect a formal apology from the parent or anything of that nature.

If you are dwelling on it you could maybe 'bump' into the nanny and say 'I noticed my dd being a grumpy pants with X, but I made sure she apologised and had a little word.' Nanny can pass it on to the parents.
They will have these little shifts in dynamics and learn about how to interact. That is why school is valuable I suppose.

Your dd doesn't mean she will never like you again, just at that moment she was fed up with you. It's no different to when they were toddlers and gave us a good hair pull. Just learning boundaries and how relationships work.

How old are the dc's in question? Poor you, have a nice cuppa and a muffin and start the day again.

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