to be upset about this incident as reported by 3 yo DD?

[DuchessOfAvon]

DD1 is just three (summer baby) and has been going to the local nursery for three weeks now. Its morning sessions only and she seems to have settled beautifully. There is a group of older girls who are doing their second year in nursery but they will all be going up to Reception together. DD1 is very taken with these older ones - a couple of whom have older siblings themselves and are VERY sophisticated (for four year olds anyway!)

Today DD1 reports that her favourite older friends have been taunting her that she is "afraid of pink" and running away. (I don't buy her a lot of pink clothes as she is a vibrant redhead - but her stuff is still fairly girly and embellished.)

We have talked about it and she has decided its a silly thing to say as she has pink flowers on her shoes and she is going to tell them this if they tease her about it again.

Now its nothing major, its not bullying and DD1 seems more bewildered than distressed but AIBU to feel a little sad that she has to deal with girly bitichiness already?

[Sassybeast]

'girly bitchiness'? - Errr YABU yes.

[pigletmania]

nothing to write home about, they are only little kids after all forget it.

[overmydeadbody]

Um, girly bitchiness?

They are 4. Stop psychoanalysing something that is really rather everyday.

YABU and slightly precious to boot.

[FimbleHobbs]

I think both sexes go through this- ds had phases with his mates like this. And dd (also just 3) told me the other day 'x said she's not my friend' - dd apparently replied 'oh well I'm your friend anyway' - it's all part of growing up. But yanbu to feel a bit sad she's growing
up... We all have those moments.

[DuchessOfAvon]

Yes, I thought I probably was being a bit PFB and needed a slap in the face. Thanks for that.

[Gumps]

Ok bichiness probably not the best word to use but I can understand you being upset. It's that realisation of our kids stepping into the word and not being able to look after them at every moment.
It's only going to get tougher I fear.

[DuchessOfAvon]

Fimble - maybe that is what this is about. I just couldn't work out why I was being a bit teary.

[FlightAttendant]

No no I think you are fair enough to be upset - I know exactly what you mean, and it makes me sad, too.

Even though I have boy bitchiness to deal with instead!

It's horrid and just makes me want to stop sending him to school.

Yanbu

[Sassybeast]

Always happy to oblidge Duchess .
Seriously though, it IS hard but my approach is to breezily breeze it all away 'Wasn't that a silly billy thing for charlotte to say - what a funny silly thing' and move on. next it will be YOUR PFB winding someone up

[alwayslookingforanswers]

awww OP - you've gone and ruined this AIBU thread by admitting that you are BU within the first 10 posts

[DuchessOfAvon]

It is yanking my chain about "fitting in" - something I never did at school. And the knowledge that she'll sink or swim on her own account is a bit lip-trembling at only three.

[DuchessOfAvon]

always - its only my second AIBU and it looked like I was cruising for a slapping so I thought I'd admit defeat before it got narsty!

[Sassybeast]

Sneaky illicit hugs - she'll be fine - any girl with pink flowers on her shoes will do just great

[BloodRedTulips]

good lord.

sweetie, you really need to toughen up.... you might think they're 'sophisticated' and 'bitchy' now but trust me, they're just little kids being daft.

trust me, when the bitchiness starts in a few years it'll make this seem like pure sweetness and light in comparison

[mamaolivia]

if it's any consolation, my daughter got told she was "not a girl" when she went in to pre school wearing a green stripy top and brown cords. She only wants to wear pink now. Makes me sad as her individualtiy is being sucked up by the pinkness! Knew it was coming. But is so hard to see them being affected by peer pressure at such a young age!

[minxofmancunia]

yanbu to feel the way you do. My dd is 3 and it terrifies me to think of her encountering any kind of girlie exclusion/bitchiness call it what you will.

It's becauseI never fitted in at school and had a s**t time for years asa result so I'm hypersensitive to it.
just as you are I expect.

Just sounds like little girls being little girls though

[NightShoe]

My DD is the same age as yours and whilst playing at the park with an older girl recently she was told "She should like pink because that is what girls like" and I saw her look quite puzzled and reply "Well, I'm a girl and I like purple and green" to which she was told that she wasn't like a girl then. I did have to suppress a giggle when DD looked even more puzzled and said "But I don't have a willy and I don't like pink."

That said, the girliness is creeping in.

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

i'd say something to the nursery, though, without explicitly identifying the children involved. they may do a circle time thing about being friends with everyone despite their different favourite colours or whatever. my dd's nursery wants to know all of this shit, however trivial, because if they don't know they can't guide the kids properly.

[kneedeepinthedirtylaundry]

DofA, I think that glorious red hair and pink clothes clash BEAUTIFULLY ? honestly, just try it and see.

Regarding the rest, it sounds like you helped your daughter successfully to deal with the reality of kids being mean sometimes.

[MaMight]

YANBU OP.

YANBU to think that 4-year-olds are sophisticated if your eldest is 3. I am sure you know that no 4-year-old is sophisticated really, but any child older than our own oldest always seems terribly grown-up and scary (until your eldest reaches that age and you realise that, yes, at 4 they are still not much more than babies... but don't get me started on 5-year-olds... ).

And YANBU to feel sad that your dd was taunted and run away from. You're probably far more upset than your dd is, and projecting ("girly bitchiness") that doesn't really exist at that age.

I had a similar wobble last term when my 3-year-old's friends all wore sparkly shoes and dd didn't and got a bit upset about being left out of the sparkly shoe gang. I do understand. It is hard letting them go, but let go we must.

[zipzap]

The other thing is to try to teach her a good one liner to use in such circumstances - something along the lines of 'if that's all you think that makes you the silly one' - I'm sure other mnetters will have better lines than me though!

[Sunfleurs]

I don't think its girly bitchiness but I understand why you are upset by it.

I feel like I have punched in the stomach when other kids are mean to my dc and I don't care if that makes me precious. It is the first experience of negativity and unkindness from outsiders and you know that it is just the beginning.

YANBU.

[madamearcati]

I tell my DC to just reply 'so?' to any teasing.Better than saying nothing but difficult to answer, and seems to stop the teasing pretty quickly

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

MaMight - don't get ME started on 12 year olds !!!!!

Talk to your keyworker, so they can help your DD and the other children. Friendship dynamics are difficult at this age and sometimes they need support.

[DuchessOfAvon]

Aaargh! I had just posted a long message full of thanks for the useful perspective and it vanished.

SO shortened version -

DD1 is making some other friends and seems to be taking it all in her stride.

I have learnt that I am more defensive and sensitive about my kids than I thought. This is a very useful lesson to have got so early in our school career - in future I will rein myself in until time has been had for deep breathing and sensible reflection.

And thanks to those of you who could see past the PFBishness of the post and pinpoint the true source of my anxiety.