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to say no to my dh because he wants to go out with his mates on my birthday ?

(18 Posts)
begentle Mon 12-Oct-09 17:42:25

Usually I dont make a big deal out of my birthday but this year its on a friday so I tought we could go out as we didnt since new year'eve ! Today he told me one of his mate is in town and he is gathering everybody (boys night)...I would have been more than happy to postpone our night out on the saturday but I know how he is, he is going to have a massive hangover on the sat and it's no way he is going to be fit enough to go out on sat evening..I know by experience ! I cant help feeling guilty as this guy who comes in town leaves abroad so it s a rare opportunity to see him. Please help me reaching a decision !!!

spookyrookie Mon 12-Oct-09 17:45:56

Well if he doesn't go out that often I would be tempted to let him go out with his friends and book something for the following Friday.

Shame about your birthday but why don't you try to go out together as a couple a bit more often.

diddl Mon 12-Oct-09 17:48:34

If he doesn´t see his friend very often, I think I´d say OK to that.

See if you can persuade him not to go too mad on the friday, so that you can go out on the sat.

If not, surely it´ll keep until the next weekend?

begentle Mon 12-Oct-09 17:48:40

You are right spooky, we didnt go out so much this year because we are tired..maybe we could go out the week before my birthday or after...it's just he doesnt seem enthusiastic of doing anything with me..well I shouldnt force things...Thanks spooky !

pippa251 Mon 12-Oct-09 17:49:07

let him go- but tell him he can make it up to you- I'd rather have a very greatful DH than a resentful sulky one

RainRainGoAway Mon 12-Oct-09 17:49:31

A gentle YABU.

I would feel so sad if I wasn't going to be able to go out with my friends if one of them was going abroad.

I think you need to let him go and tell him that you will expecting him to be in a fit state on the Sat night. Find a loud klaxon you will be able to sound off in his ear if he has a massive hangover!

begentle Mon 12-Oct-09 17:50:56

diddl-yes you are right too, I'll be really a bitch if I dont let him go...bit its the second time that happened and we didnt do anything last year and it was my 30th ! Yes actually the same thing happened last year...

RainRainGoAway Mon 12-Oct-09 17:51:42

How about the following weekend, and he could make it a biggie!

MmeGoblindt Mon 12-Oct-09 17:53:43

I do understand him wanting to see his friend who lives abroad, but saying that we live in Switzerland and I would not expect a friend to leave their partner alone on their birthday just because I was over on holiday.

It sounds like it is about more than just one evening, if he does not make the effort to spend an evening with you very often.

How old are your DC?

Jamieandhismagictorch Mon 12-Oct-09 17:55:32

How did he approach you about this boys night out ?

Was he apologetic ? Did he check if it would be OK ?

Generally speaking I'd say let him go, if it's a one-off type thing with his friends, but i note you feel that he doesn't seem keen to go out with you.

Under your circumstances, I'd be pissed off if there was no acknowledgment from my DH that i might have a view on him going out, and I'd expect him to make an effort about your birthday in some way

Jamieandhismagictorch Mon 12-Oct-09 17:57:00

Hmm, cross-posted with you. Is this part of a pattern - him not considering your feelings ?

busybutterfly Mon 12-Oct-09 17:58:47

YANBU for feeling like that (but you'll be the bigger person if you let him go without a fuss and I'm sure he'll make it up to you!)

It's my birthday Thurs and DH taking DCs to farm with some of his mates too - am choosing to think it's so I get a break grin
(as I haven't been invited hmm)

Lotkinsgonecurly Mon 12-Oct-09 17:59:22

Go out on the Thursday and make sure he has a huge hangover on Friday grin

Jamieandhismagictorch Mon 12-Oct-09 18:00:00

Do you think he'll make it up to you begentle ?

curiositykilled Mon 12-Oct-09 18:07:35

If his mate is around and lives abroad surely he'll be there on Saturday night too? He's hardly going to come from abroad for one night is he? Couldn't he go out on your birthday with you and then go out on the Saturday night with his friend?

begentle Mon 12-Oct-09 18:09:38

Thanks for your answers ! I think for now I'm going to let him go, hoping he'll make it up to me..Our dcs are 5 and 2 (really hard work) I'm a cm which means I'm full time with them and the week end is precious to me as dan take them swimming, park, etc but if its one off ?? I dont want to be a bitch, I just wish he was taking me out and happy to do so, birthday or not sad

Jamieandhismagictorch Mon 12-Oct-09 18:15:53

You aren't being a bitch. I hope he appreciates you. Happy Birthday

bluejeans Mon 12-Oct-09 18:24:28

Let him go, reschedule for another week and invite the girls/your mum/sister round on Friday night and have some really nice food and a few glasses of wine?

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