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to ask Dh to show me a bit more consideration when I am working and he is at home?

(12 Posts)
ItchyTrousers Mon 12-Oct-09 17:23:03

Dh and I have a work schedule where my busiest day of work comes when he is at home (and the children at school). We have a nanny for the rest of the time when both of us are working.

We needed to speak to the neighbour about some building works that they are doing and I asked dh if he would do it while I was at work. He said he'd rather he waited for me to come home and then we do it together. I protested and he got all grumpy and said he wanted us to speak to them together.

This is just an example of some of the things that happen. He HATES doing anything like talking to workman, garages, neighbours. He is lazy but he is also quite unconfident with dealing with stuff like that as he believes everyone knows more than he does (as he's not knowledgeable about all that sort of stuff) so it stresses him out. However, his job involves speaking to people all the time so it's not like he can't do it, I think he is choosing not to.

When I bring this up, he gets ultra defensive and it always ends up in a row and I'm just fed up of it. All I want him to do is take some responsibility on his own without me feeling like I have to do everything. He says he has enough responsibility as he takes the children to school every day and helps with the chores and he moans enough about doing all of that!

SerendipitousHarlot Mon 12-Oct-09 17:25:14

Gawd, I feel your pain.

I have had the same recurring argument with dh ever since he's been a house husband.

It all blew up a week ago, and I told him to man up and grow a pair blush

He is making an effort. I think.

You will just have to be bery plain over what you expect his role to be.

InaneHouseholdObject Mon 12-Oct-09 17:29:24

I am the same as your DH, to the point DH rings and makes all my GP appointments, any beauty appointments blush, but I have depression which I think plays a part. I get panicy when I think I HAVE to deal with a delivery, or have no choice but to call someone but no matter how much I get used to it, or just try and do it, it's awful. It makes life easier all round if DH does most of it - do you think your DH may have anxiety or depression?

bigchris Mon 12-Oct-09 17:34:34

I think you are being unreasonable

in a marriage often one person is better than the other and doing stuff

for example i am good at organising ours and the kuds social lives, dh is good at sorting out the car and home insurance
he hates doing the online shopping, i hate putting the bin out etc

curiositykilled Mon 12-Oct-09 17:35:58

I'd say make the most of each of your talents rather than trying to force your OH to do things he's not comfortable about. If you can take responsibility for these kinds of things with ease then why not do it?

I think the question you need to ask is whether you want him to do it because it will be more difficult for you to do it? In which case he just has to do it. Or whether you want him to do it to punish him for not feeling confident about these things? In which case just do it yourself.

PuppyMonkey Mon 12-Oct-09 17:37:45

Well, frankly I think it depends on what you needed to say to your neighbours... was it something rotten?

Hullygully Mon 12-Oct-09 17:41:29

When it's something we both hate doing we do sudden death rock paper scissors, cuts out all discussion/argument!

bigchris Mon 12-Oct-09 17:44:23

we both hate going to kids parties , we have two this weekend so i have to go to one and dh the other

hullygully - i like your way of doing it grin

Hullygully Mon 12-Oct-09 17:46:20

BC - it's very useful - you can then trade your win (if you get one) for something you like even less.

Jamieandhismagictorch Mon 12-Oct-09 17:49:19

What curiousity said

Annya Mon 12-Oct-09 18:33:56

I used to hate talking to certain people, making some calls, even tho I did it day in day out for work. I used to feel really shy. My ex was never sympathetic - I guess trying to jolly me out of it. DP never questions it if I ask him to call so and so, and I really appreciate that.

So it depends, really, on whether he genuinely feels shy or whatever, or is just being lazy.

pointyhat Mon 12-Oct-09 18:42:15

This particular example seems reasonable enough. If one person hates doing something, do it together.

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