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for being totally p***ed off with DSDs mother...?

(12 Posts)
victorioriah Mon 12-Oct-09 17:02:51

I am so bloody exasperated with her.
She demands that DP excludes me and DS whenever he has them despite the fact that DSD1 has clearly stated that she misses us and wants to see us. She even banned us from their birthday parties and when DP tried to stand up to her she refused to allow him to see DSD2 for her birthday yesterday, despite these arrangements being made in July!!!!
I know things between ex partners are often strained and I try to be the voice of reason and pacify my DP when she kicks off but it is getting to the point where I can’t keep quiet about her outrageous demands and expectations. I don’t want to add to DP’s troubles by giving him an ear bashing too but she's taking the bloody p*!

claw3 Mon 12-Oct-09 17:07:13

How long have you and dp been together?

Do you live together?

HeBewitcheditude Mon 12-Oct-09 17:10:50

I'd be more pissed off with the DP.

It's up to him to negotiate stuff with his ex wife that doesn't cause you problems. If she's being unreasonable, then he should not accept her demands. There's no point being annoyed with her, you can't influence her; be annoyed with him, you can influence him.

victorioriah Mon 12-Oct-09 17:19:38

We live together and she has stipulated that he either makes sure that we are out or that he takes them elsewhere.
DP is very loyal and refuses to allow her the control she is after. I am actually the one who said I would take a step back for the sake of his relationship with his DD because they have been subjected to some very poisonous suggestions from the ex and I hate the fact that he is in a us or them situation.

victorioriah Mon 12-Oct-09 17:20:57

She actually threw it back in his face and complained that I didn't care about them because they hadn't seen me!!

piscesmoon Mon 12-Oct-09 17:20:59

DP needs to sort it out. He needs to be able to have access and make sure that you are part of the access.

claw3 Mon 12-Oct-09 17:26:00

I was just thinking that if myself and dp split up and he was with another woman who he had only known a short time, i wouldnt want my kids involved until their relationship was established ifyswim.

But seen as you live together, it seems pretty permanent and she needs to trust his judgment.

victorioriah Mon 12-Oct-09 17:29:02

Oh and I'm sure he will. It is so awful to see him being so unjustly punished.
I am not nieve to the complications of being a single mom tho. My DS Father and I separated and it took me time to adjust to his new partner being in my DS life but I have encouraged the relationship with both of them. The more people who love my kids the better as far as I'm concerned which is why I just don't understand!!

victorioriah Mon 12-Oct-09 17:31:56

Thanks everone. I know there isn't a simple answer. Just figured I'm better ranting on here than firing both barrels when he gets in from work!

Rindercella Mon 12-Oct-09 17:32:05

Judging by the other step parent thread in AIBU at the moment (which has really kicked off), I think your best bet is to kill this thread and put it in the step parents section on here. Hang on, will link for

It's really not worth the pain of AIBU for this kind of thing - far too many emotions at play smile

victorioriah Mon 12-Oct-09 17:35:13

Cheers Rindercella, and like the name too btw

Rindercella Mon 12-Oct-09 17:35:49


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