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,, to HATE "your baby, your rules"

(101 Posts)
seeker Sun 11-Oct-09 15:29:47

A baby is not owned by anyone. It it part of a nuclear family, an wider family, a community.....

Other people have the right to a say in a baby's upbringing. Of course the parents are the ultimate 'authority" but other people should be involved too.

DuelingFANGo Sun 11-Oct-09 15:32:20

give me some examples of what you mean...

purpleduck Sun 11-Oct-09 15:33:56

What exactly are you thinking of?

DuelingFANGo Sun 11-Oct-09 15:34:24

I bet it's about names.

do I win?

harryharpie Sun 11-Oct-09 15:34:37

Message withdrawn

MillyR Sun 11-Oct-09 15:34:52

Because it isn't like that in reality, is it? With a nine year old, lots of people are involved in bringing them up. With a baby, almost all the work is left to the parents, or just the Mother. Even when people do offer to help, they actually mean they want to hold a baby that is awake but in a good mood. They don't want to hold teething babies who are screaming, or wash baby clothes, or clean sick off the floor.

So why should they get to make the rules?

ElfOnTheTopShelf Sun 11-Oct-09 15:34:58

I used that sentence when people were trying to feed my DD chocolate when she was four months old. I was rather cross, and I thought the saying was appropriate at the time.

diddl Sun 11-Oct-09 15:35:00

Who else should be involved?

MaggieBehave Sun 11-Oct-09 15:35:05

I don't hate it. I have had smug mums of text book babies telling me how to deal with my autistic son's tantrums. He's only mildly autistic, but he does NOT respond to naughty step or any of the usual stuff....

also, I had a 'normal' child so spare me the "what you should try ....." stuff.

I'm not thick, I'm not negligent, I'm not lazy, but I DO KNOW MY CHILD better than anybody else who says "have you tried a reward chart?"

Fack awf.

CharCharGabor Sun 11-Oct-09 15:36:19

hmmmm, in some cases I agree compromise is a much better way forward. But in others, say if a family member didn't want me to bf/wanted to take DD skydiving for example, then I would reserve the right to make the decision.

So, in conclusion, IHNI (I Have No Idea) grin

mosschops30 Sun 11-Oct-09 15:36:42

bollocks if youre talking about the baby food jars thread or anything else.

Are you living in the 1950's

If i took parenting advice from my mother:

I would not have worked since being pg
I would not be returning to work
I would certainly not be breastfeeding
I would be giving food asap
Baby would be straight in own bed in own room

My baby, my rules, I take no notice of my MIL or my mother

PeedOffWithNits Sun 11-Oct-09 15:37:17

I used that phrase on a thread the other day,blush, but in context I think I was right to - a mum complaining about her mother smoking when her asthmatic DS was in the house, when she had said she would not do so.

in those circs, if the granny cant stick to the rules, the mother is right to say child cannot go there anymore

6feetundertheGroundhogs Sun 11-Oct-09 15:37:28

Babyfood in jars?? Did I win?

Of COURSE the 'rules' are set by the primary care giver.... As long as a child is not endangered, what the parent says, goes.

DuelingFANGo Sun 11-Oct-09 15:38:04

rules can be changed too. If a parent decides to change them then that's fine too. smile

purpleduck Sun 11-Oct-09 15:39:55

Do you mean the whole "if I wanna smoke around my baby I will" or "If I want to call our baby Lucifer I will"...those sorts of things? If it is, I agree- people who treat their kids as some kind of possesion that they can "play with" without regard to their wellbeing.

6feetundertheGroundhogs Sun 11-Oct-09 15:40:32

Oh yes and the other expression that comes to mind is:

Too many Cooks...

You don't have to be on MN for long to see how the extended family make outrageously daft suggestions.

The baby's parents one harmonious voice has the last word.

seeker Sun 11-Oct-09 15:42:11

No it's not about names. (surprisingly!)

I think what I'm thinking about is when someone comes on here (or in RL) saying that their MIL or mum or aunt or someone is doing things slightly differently with their baby and they don't like it. And there's always a storm of "Your baby - your rules". I want to say "Well, maybe grandma does give too many chocolate biscuits or put them to be an hour later or let them watch telly in the mornings, but she's their grandma - she loves them. Just because she doesn't do things your way doesn't mean she'w wrong and it's worth upsetting her over"

purpleduck Sun 11-Oct-09 15:45:23

Oh! The control freakery aspect of some parents.

Yes, I agree

PeedOffWithNits Sun 11-Oct-09 15:47:38

but grandmas often ARE wrong becasue they do not know about lastest guidelines for weaning ages/sleeping positions etc - so their arguement of "i have raised children myself you know" is not good enough - my baby, my rules

mosschops30 Sun 11-Oct-09 15:49:46

seeker I have to disagree again.

We will no longer have my mother to stay in the house because last time she disrupted the lives of everyone so completely by letting the dc's do what they want, when they want etc, and constantly questionning our rules.
The dc's ended up crying and distressed because they didnt know what they should be doing!
Its very difficult if people dont sing from the same song sheet.

When they stay at her house then she deals with it, but come to my house and stay and blur all the boundaries, no I dont think so! MY house and MY rules

pointyhat Sun 11-Oct-09 15:49:58

Must admit, nearly every time someone comes out with 'your baby, your rules' they are acting like grim dictators.

Bucharest Sun 11-Oct-09 15:53:17

...and often the control-freakery of the parents is just plain wrong...(ie, early weaning, "baby reached for a carrot, he's 8 weeks old, he must be ready for weaning)


The ones I hate most are the ones where people suddenly become qualified experts on everything to do with children by dint of having bred one.

And the ones who say "Guidelines are just that- guidelines, but I know my baby better than anyone" Yes, deary, you could pick her out in a lineup, which most of us, quite frankly couldn't, but guidelines are there for a reason, (mainly to stop muppets like you doing irreperable damage to the small person you've suddenly found yourself in charge of.....)

seeker Sun 11-Oct-09 15:55:30

Of course I'm not talking about dangerous stuff like weaning and sleeping positions and smoking. Just ordinary day to day differences. Oh and names is actually one grin - why on earth shouldn't Grandma call little Timothy Tim if she wants to - even if the parents want to use Timothy?

valhala Sun 11-Oct-09 15:57:35


They were MY babies - they ARE my rules. End of.

Bucharest Sun 11-Oct-09 15:58:30

Oh, if it's not important stuff, then yes, YABU. grin

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