My dear old Dad has very recently lost his beloved wife, the woman who stole him away from my mother fifteen years ago.
His wife had a young cousin who she looked upon as the daughter she never had although she has indeed got a mother and father of her own .
Since the passing of my dads wife the cousin has been going to stay with my dad a couple of days a week. He is now calling her his daughter and is buying her a car, giving her lots of money and house hunting with her.
Although myself and my brothers have offered to go and help it is only his new daughter that he wants.
Aibu to be a little bit put out by this or am I just bitter and twisted ?
My battery is running low on my laptop should I suddenly vanish.
The cousin only started visiting once my dads wife became ill. I suppose it was we were my dads children and the cousin was the wifes child. I do feel very pushed out and wonder if he is just keeping the cousin close to remind him of his wife.
You haven't said or indicated that your relationship with your Dad has only become renewed since the loss of his 2nd wife so I'll assume that this isn't the case and say that no, YANBU. When someone we love is grieving and hurt naturally we want to help them and to have your offers rebuffed, no matter how kindly or politely or for what reason, must be very hurtful.
I can only think that your Dad needs to know you are there but must make his own decisions as if you contest them you may end up being accused of not understanding/being jealous etc. Let it ride - if, heaven forbid, the woman is taking advantage there is nothing you can do to make Dad see this, you can only be there when he realises that you do care and are there for him. In time your Dad will overcome this first stage of grief and be grateful that you are all still there for him.
Where is the money your dad is spending on her coming from? Might it be from his late wife's life insurance or something similar? If so, it makes sense for him to spend it on her cousin rather than his children who didn't like their stepmother.