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to want to lock H out of the house?

(45 Posts)
Workallday Fri 09-Oct-09 18:24:51

He's not DH because I am too mad...

He's opted for a generous redundancy package so he can 'find himself'. Against my wishes too. He's been spending the days faffing about, playing golf, generally lying around doing nothing.

Take today for instance. I was up at 7.30 after a really rough night with DD. Got DD ready for nursery, dropped her off, went to work, worked all day, got home, house is a tip and H is nowhere in sight. So I clean the house, tidy, do the dishes, load up the washing machine, fold the laundry, vacuum the floors and clean the toilet (which he has left in a disgusting state). Make dinner. Then I go and pick up DD, give her dinner, pop her in to watch TV for a while when I sit down with a cuppa. I am shattered!

H has been in town all day wandering around. He just now calls me up to tell me that he is meeting up with his mates in town to play DARTS and will be home late and could I leave his dinner in the oven!!!!

AIBU to lock him out of the house???

starwhoreswonaprize Fri 09-Oct-09 18:27:29


dittany Fri 09-Oct-09 18:27:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

differentWitch Fri 09-Oct-09 18:27:48

I think this is where you find a sitter for the dc and sit him down and tell him he needs to pull his finger out and contribute to the running of the family and home.

3littlefrogs Fri 09-Oct-09 18:28:11

I would be telling him to make his own dinner!

"Find himself"???? What on earth does he mean???

missingtheaction Fri 09-Oct-09 18:28:13


Workallday Fri 09-Oct-09 18:29:05

I honestly have no idea! He's jacked in his job because he wants to be a carpenter... fair enough, but he's done nothing about it for a month now.

ChunkyMonkeysMum Fri 09-Oct-09 18:32:02

OMG !! YA soooooooo NBU !! I'd lock the fucker out too.

Leave his dinner on the doorstep in the pissing rain grin

dittany Fri 09-Oct-09 18:32:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3littlefrogs Fri 09-Oct-09 18:32:32


He has a child to support!!! I would be livid!

Workallday Fri 09-Oct-09 18:38:23

He's getting the TALK tonight!!! I don't care if I have to wait up all night! Every other time I've tried to bring it up he's dodged the issue and also made out I am unreasonable... it gets worse on days he's actually managed to pick or drop DD off. Other days he's wandered in so late that I've been asleep.

When I try to bring out his lack of ambition, he tells me thats not what I married him for.

Frogs, he's had a very generous redundancy payment, so he reckons he's got the right to 'enjoy himself'! I've got a well paying job and good savings too, so not stressed financially.

I am just shattered physically and mentally!

dittany Fri 09-Oct-09 18:45:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChunkyMonkeysMum Fri 09-Oct-09 18:46:53

While he eats his soggy cold dinner on the doorstep grin

CaresMildly Fri 09-Oct-09 18:49:17

in fairness, although it goes against the grain rather as I'm also having DH problems, someone could take a mini-break to get themselves back together before launching into a new career. If he can give a (reasonable) timeline on it then maybe you can just put up with him lounging (although not the not helping out because that is going too far) but just the not working for a couple of months.

So long as he does have a plan and get his arse into gear quickly and efficiently after that. And so long as he does pull his weight around the house in the interim.

lal123 Fri 09-Oct-09 18:49:50

well you didn't marry him so that you could be his mother and do everything for him!!! Being a father/partner is about much more than providing financially. What does he expect you and DD to do while he "finds himself"?

diddl Fri 09-Oct-09 18:50:03

I assume you´ve worked out how long the redundancy will last.

I don´t find a month "off" too bad, but if you´re working I think it´s disgusting that he isn´t helping at all, tbh.

TheCrackFox Fri 09-Oct-09 18:54:05

You need to talk but not tonight. "Darts" means get a bit tipsy and it will go in one ear and out the oven.

I would throw dinner in the bin.

leolantern Fri 09-Oct-09 19:00:04

I think you need to sit down (when he is completely sober) and have a serious discussion with him in regards to a timeline as to when exactly he plans to start working again and in the mean time he should be pulling his weight by doing atleast a fair portion of the housework and DD pick up/drop offs just as he would undoubtedly expect you to do if you quit your job to be at home.

Workallday Fri 09-Oct-09 19:02:51

TheCrackFox, you're probably right, he's going to roll in pretty tipsy... then I will sound like a right nagging shrew.

He's not getting any dinner, though knowing him he'll probably have already had a curry, and the dinner will still be in the oven when I wake up tomorrow.

He claims that he'll be able to look after DD full time and I should pull her out of nursery, I am so tempted, but I dare not do that because I can just see the state of both of them, plus I'll still have to do everything around the house.

I've always pulled this double shift when he's been working (his work more important than mine, yada, yada)... now I feel like he's just taking the piss.

FABIsInTraining Fri 09-Oct-09 19:03:35

Leave it for tonight.

Once he is up tomorrow say to him that you understand he needs time for himself but primarily he is a husband and father and he can't just piss about leaving you to do all the working outside the house, all the cleaning in the house and all the childcare.

He also needs a plan as the money won't last forever and things are only going to get worse once he has spent all his money.

TheCrackFox Fri 09-Oct-09 19:08:11

He can't just unilaterally decide to be a SAHD. I am a SAHM but it was a joint decision between the two of us. You really need to talk. Does he know how much he will be expected to do if he is a SAHD? Can you even afford to live off your wage. More importantly do you want to be the sole breadwinner? It is a big responsibility and not something everyone is comfortable with.

Good luck with your chat tomorrow.

dittany Fri 09-Oct-09 19:10:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington Fri 09-Oct-09 19:14:09

he;s a selfish knobjockey

waitingforbedtime Fri 09-Oct-09 19:16:01

I would leave his dinner on the doorstep for sure, with a sleeping bag. He is taking the piss, he isnt a student or a child, wtf i he thinking?!

SolidGhoulBrass Fri 09-Oct-09 19:18:42

The only thing that makes me wonder if he is less of a knob than he appears is that he suggested taking DD out of nursery and him becoming a SAHD. Is it possible that he would make a good SAHDAD but the housework would not be done to a high standard? IE would a feasible solution be that he does the childcare but you spend some of the savings on nursery fees on a cleaner?

Or do you think that when he says 'I'll be SAHD what he means is 'I will palm DD off on my mother/sister/any woman I can persuade that I'm a poor bemused man, and spend all day in the pub?'

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