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AIBU?

to be upset by everything?

19 replies

LouIsAWeetbixKid · 08/10/2009 20:00

My youngest charge is 7 and has just spent the afternoon refusing to do homework and then kicked me in the shins, shut the door in my face then slammed my fingers in the door. My boss was there the entire time and could I was about to erupt. Nothing has been done. No punishments let alone an apology. Now the child has kicked me again, thrown food on the floor and screamed the house down for the past hour and again boss does nothing. AIBU to ask if she is going to punish her DC? I would cancel tomorrows playdate (yes I hate that word too) but since boss is working from home today I guess she overrules me.
Thanks for listening to me vent

OP posts:

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seeyounexttuesday · 08/10/2009 20:04

poor you.

Can you not have a chat with the boss {who sounds a bit of an arse by not interfering)and say charge aged 7 was being rather difficult today and that you have taken a few kicks on the shin, and how would she like it handled?

If she doesnt do anything to sort it, then give her a kick on the shins to see how she feels

LouIsAWeetbixKid · 08/10/2009 20:05

I am so angry I am shaking . I've just had to physically pick up said child and put her in her room (not hard or anything so no need to call SS).

OP posts:

seeyounexttuesday · 08/10/2009 20:08

is the blinking parent there? I cannot believe they are in the house, and listening but ignoring.

Can you go somewhere to have a break for a few mins?

kitkatsforbreakfast · 08/10/2009 20:10

Lou - do you have sole charge? If so, I would be tempted to inform your boss that because of the behaviour today you will be discipling the child, and say what you intend the punishment to be. Just tell them.

If you don't have sole charge, I would have a proper meeting with the parents and say that your position is difficult because their child obviously has no respect for you, and that you would like permission to discipline, and say what punishment you think would be appropriate.

Then take it from there. Is it often this ghastly? I had a nannying job once that sounded rather similar, and in the end I decided to take my services elsewhere.

HerBeatitude · 08/10/2009 20:12

What? are you a nanny?/ au-pair? Who is in charge of discipline while you are working?

Tell your boss that you are not prepared to tolerate physical violence from the kid, so should you apply the sanction, or should s/he?

LynetteScavo · 08/10/2009 20:12

Dont expect the parent to punish..theare paying you to be the bad guy. Very calmly and quietly explain you will not tollerate such dreadful behaviour, and there will be consequenses. (ie cancelation of play date)

Run it by the mum first if you feel you need to, but I reckon she'll back you up.

Youhave finished work now haven't you? Here have a virtual galss of wine.

iheartdusty · 08/10/2009 20:13

but if boss interfered, would you feel undermined?
maybe she assumes you want to sort it out your way?

(assume you are a nanny, btw?)

LouIsAWeetbixKid · 08/10/2009 20:14

I'm the nanny. I have sole charge. Mum has been signed off sick so is at home all the time. Mum is busy chatting with the neighbours so have not had time. Just needed to vent. Will talk to her now. Probably won't back me up though.

OP posts:

seeyounexttuesday · 08/10/2009 20:16

do you live in or can you escape home for the evening?

Sounds like the devil child.

Ronaldinhio · 08/10/2009 20:17

yabu

you are in charge, sort it out
the behaviour is unacceptable

the mother is sick and it is your job, execute it as you see fit

LynetteScavo · 08/10/2009 20:19

But it's not on that a seven year old is allowed to get away with kicking you. If the mum is going to be around for a while, you just have to get on and do what ever it is you would do if she wasn't there.

TheCrackFox · 08/10/2009 20:21

I would have to be on my death bed to let my Ds away with that kind of behaviour. He is 7 and kicking people . However, I have never used a nanny before so I have no idea about ettiquette on that front. Op you need to speak with your boss and plan how to deal with bad behaviour when his mum is at home. TBh I would start looking for a new job, I couldn't be arsed with a child like that.

seeyounexttuesday · 08/10/2009 20:26

I cannot believe how any parent would sit back and allow this behaviour to carry on throughout the afternoon. No matter who has sole charge, if i was on my sick bed i would be up and out of it dealing with my dc behaviour, or at least backing the nanny all the way.

colditz · 08/10/2009 20:29

I would say that if you are there, what you say goes, actually! She can't overrule you by not doing anything, you are in charge, so take charge! cancel the little shit's playdate.

lisasimpson · 08/10/2009 20:30

sounds like this child has ishoos - a bit extreme behaviour for a seven year old. However probably spoilt and undisciplined judging by the lack of comment from mum

LynetteScavo · 08/10/2009 21:04

i think the 7yo was testing you...you need to set the boundaries so she knows this kind of behaviour isn't acceptable.

LouIsAWeetbixKid · 09/10/2009 06:56

The mother is not sick sick at all. She has jsut been hiking for 5 days. I did come down hard once I calmed down. I have control but when you go from complete sole charge to shared it blurs the boundaries.
Ronaldhno - thanks for the advice
I live in so could not go anywhere. Had 3 other kids to deal with too. The child has some issues right now but can't figure them out. Think it is maybe seeing the mother all the time when normally she only sees her on weekends. Can only keep talking and asking and hopefully she opens up.
Thanks for the support everyone.

OP posts:

skinsl · 09/10/2009 07:02

She's probably just expecting you to deal with it... but it couldn't do any harm to ask her how she would like it dealt with.. or just tell her you are not happy with the behaviour and would like her support in however you want to deal with it. Try and do it together kinda thing?

thrifty · 09/10/2009 07:32

just from am outsiders pov. I have no experience as ds is only 4 and i don't look after other peoples children. However, the behaviour you described sounds like she is trying to get the attention of her mother, by being mean to you. In her mind she's probably hoping that her mother will take over (you said they only normally see each other at weekends). In an "any attention is better than nothing way" if you see what i mean. I guess the mum is right to let you just deal with it, and probably wants you too. As if she interferes now, the child will only continue when mum is there to get her attention. Does that make sense?

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