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to be upset by this old man?

(37 Posts)
whydobirdssuddenlyappear Thu 08-Oct-09 19:47:26

I didn't really want my first post, after months of lurking, to be an AIBU, but this has really bothered me. I was on the bus home with my children this afternoon (out of necessity, by the way - I'd been somewhere that's 5 miles from home, and has no parking, so walking or driving were out of the questiion), and my son had been sitting down, when an elderly lady got on, who clearly needed the seat. So I asked him to come and stand by my buggy (which is really stable, and has good brakes, therefore safer to hold onto than nothing, or a hand, which was all that was available) and hold onto it. Which he did. At which point an elderly man sitting behind me proceeded to have a massive go at me for not holding his hand, told me I shouldn't be allowing him to walk around the bus (he only walked from the seat to the buggy so an old lady could sit, ffs), told me he'd get hurt and mess up everyone's journey, that I wasn't capable of looking after him, should go 'back to school to learn how to look after my children' and was a bad mother. I probably shouldn't have responded to him in the first place (to tell him to back off and that it was none of his business, and that my son was holding on and I was hardly likely to let him hurt himself) and granted, I probably shouldn't have called him a horrible old man, or, eventually shouted LOOK, JUST BUTT OUT PLEASE (hell, at least I said please) but AIBU to be upset? I mean, IMPE, holding someone's hand on the bus is actually not very safe, and tends to create human dominoes if the bus moves off suddenly. It's surely better to be holding on to something that's unlikely to move. Oh, and nobody else(none of the adults, anyway - my 4yo turned round and said 'oh shut up you horrid man' - which I probably shouldn't be proud of him for, but I am) bothered to tell him to leave me alone. They waited until he'd got OFF the bus to make sure I was ok - I wasn't - I'd had a shitty day, have bad PMT, had a migraine coming, and was trying my hardest to keep everything together and not lose my essential last-minute shopping (toilet roll), purse, keys or children, and therefore ended up in floods of tears, feeling like a total twat. My husband thinks I overreacted. So, did I? Am I endangering the bus journeys of many and the life of my children by insisting my son (who, at 4, is 3ft 8 and 2 stone, and perfectly capable pf sending me flying) holds onto static objects and gets up for old ladies? Should I have fallen down and thanked him for his considered, politely delivered parenting advice? In short, AIBU? Well, am I?

cocoisameanmama Thu 08-Oct-09 19:49:43

No YNBU <<hands over vodka tissues>>

whydobirdssuddenlyappear Thu 08-Oct-09 19:51:04

Can I have the vodka instead? grin

spongebrainmaternitypants Thu 08-Oct-09 19:51:12

You can't win can you? You did what you thought was right by asking your son to give up his seat and then get shouted at for something else!

Ignore him, he's a miserable old git.


RnB Thu 08-Oct-09 19:52:29

YANBU - have a large glass of wine

cocoisameanmama Thu 08-Oct-09 19:53:07

take your pick

TrickOrNinks Thu 08-Oct-09 19:53:18

YANBU, your DS was right!

pjmama Thu 08-Oct-09 19:54:18

He's clearly a miserable old bastard who goes out looking for an easy target to brighten up his day and make him feel important. I'm not surprised you're upset as you didn't deserve any of that, but the man is clearly a clueless prat and not worth letting him get to you.

Get yourself a glass of wine and be thankful you'll never have to see him again wink

ArghhhhmazingBouncingSpider Thu 08-Oct-09 19:58:14

He probably would of shouted at you to move your DS if you hadnt asked him to stand up for the old lady. He sounds just like one of those people who love to complain about anything and everything.

Sorry you had a horrible journey. Go and have some nice chocolate/wine/vodka

TheCrackFox Thu 08-Oct-09 19:58:48

Just be thankful that you are not related to the miserable twat. He sounds like a right Victor Meldrew.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear Thu 08-Oct-09 20:00:39

Thanks coco mandarin please!

I probably shouldn't have reacted to him in the first place, I suppose. He was the proverbial 'last straw' today, though. What's really annoying is that I have so many withering put-downs I could have used. 4 hours too late. Always the way, isn't it. My sister is the only person I know who can deliver them when they're needed. Maybe I should enlist her when I need to use public transport...

Sbeanmum Thu 08-Oct-09 20:01:27

YANBU - agree with all other posts! I'd have shouted at him too (not as politely as you did grin) and well done for hanging onto everything.

Just don't drink the vodka and the wine together, tastes foul!!

whydobirdssuddenlyappear Thu 08-Oct-09 20:02:47

Perhaps I should have said 'well if you're that concerned about the safety of my ds, then give him your seat, you self-important, opinionated, misogynistic twat' Except I'd possibly have lost him at 'concerned'. It has 2 syllables.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear Thu 08-Oct-09 20:04:56

'back to school to learn to look after my children' as well. Don't know whether to be furious or flattered by that one. Am 32.

LynetteScavo Thu 08-Oct-09 20:08:54


Poor you!

And well done to your DS for telling him to shut up. grin

whydobirdssuddenlyappear Thu 08-Oct-09 20:12:10

It wasn't just that DS told him to shut up, it was the tone of utter contempt in which he said it. And the 'talk to the hand' gesture that accompanied it. Would have been hilariously funny in any other circumstances.

Ronaldinhio Thu 08-Oct-09 20:13:50


<ponders> might be early onset dementia (him not you)

you are upset because it was unfair and made you angry

coffin dodgers, eh?

mathanxiety Thu 08-Oct-09 20:18:56

So he didn't get up to offer his seat to the old lady either, on top of everything else?

whydobirdssuddenlyappear Thu 08-Oct-09 20:20:25

I will stop short of wishing it was early onset dementia, and that he's not just like that, since dementia's not something I'd wish on anyone (obviously), but would someone who was ill rather than just nasty be attempting (and succeeding, until he got off) to get the other people on the bus to agree with him?

Ronaldinhio Thu 08-Oct-09 20:22:06

my grandmother became very inappropriately opinionated and very very nasty before a dementia diagnosis

just a thought

might just be an oul fecker though

whydobirdssuddenlyappear Thu 08-Oct-09 20:24:33

Actually, mathanxiety, no he didn't. But let's face it, he didn't come across as the chivalrous type. Although to be fair, given that he was fairly advanced in years himself, I wouldn't have expected him to get up, especially since DS (who's only 4.5, and therefore doesn't yet get paid for) was sitting down. Balls to it. Perhaps I'll just let him sit next time, since parents out with kids seem to be able to do no right. Although that'd hardly have been fair on the poor old lady...

whydobirdssuddenlyappear Thu 08-Oct-09 20:27:21

oh ronaldinhio how awful for you

FABIsInTraining Thu 08-Oct-09 20:27:55

Could you have got up for the old lady?

Ronaldinhio Thu 08-Oct-09 20:29:30

we were teenagers and loved it

my parents had other views on the matter

whydobirdssuddenlyappear Thu 08-Oct-09 20:29:59

FAB no I was already standing. I was tucked in the corner by DD's buggy, trying to ensure she didn't get bored and start screaming. I hate getting on the bus and leaving her, and there aren't any seats really close to the buggy/ wheelchair area on the little buses round here.

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