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to ask for seperate Christmas and Birthday presents for my child?

(102 Posts)
Doodleydoo Thu 08-Oct-09 19:00:11

My DC was born v. close to Christmas and it breaks my heart to think that she might not be able to enjoy her birthday as a special day because of the ocnfusion of xmas. Last year her DGP gave her for her birthday the same thing they gave their other DGC as a present that they had brought back from holiday. Felt slightly peeved - but that is my problem! However DGP is suggesting that a joint xmas/birthday present of same thing other DGC got for their birthday which is earlier in the year. I know it is probably me being jealous but don't want this to start being a regular thing as I think it is unfair to distinguish between the 2DGC for a start and set a precident that DC birthday is combined with xmas every year.

I know must get over the jealousy myself, and that in the years when I was small I sometimes got a joint bday/xmas present but it was when I was much older and understood.

How do I broach the subject without being told I am a spoilt cow - which I hope I am not.

purpleduck Thu 08-Oct-09 19:05:47

I think its sucks, and of course they should seperate the presents - but I don't think you can ask. Maybe drop hints...?

I think its up to you really to make sure your child's birthday is special.

How close to christmas are the birthdays? Is it far enough away to not put a tree up until the birthday is over (or do a "birthday tree", then swap it tol a christmas treegrin)

piscesmoon Thu 08-Oct-09 19:06:52

I would tell them. My mother got some joint presents when she was a DC and she still feels aggrieved! I would make a big thing of the birthday so that it doesn't blend in.

FlouryBap Thu 08-Oct-09 19:07:38

i know some people get round this by having a half year birthday or something similar for their DC later in the year - summer is a nice time to celebrate anyway! would that help?

NightShoe Thu 08-Oct-09 19:07:47

YANBU, DH has his birthday on the 23rd Dec and I still buy him different presents for each. You are not being a spoilt cow, it really isn't fair.

allaboutme Thu 08-Oct-09 19:07:47

I was going to say YABU to tell people what presents to buy, but reading your post I can see it doesnt seem fair at all and your DC will start to notice if it carries on when she is older.
Best to nip it in the bud now I think.
I'd say 'I hope you dont think I am being petty, but I really think DD would like something to open on her birthday and at christmas as the opening of the presents is so much fun for them on the day when they are little. Would it be ok with you to get two smaller presents so she has one to open on each occasion'
f you are feeling really bitchy then add 'what did you get other DGC for her birthday? something along those lines would be good for her birthday present as I know you have good taste!' grin

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 08-Oct-09 19:09:14

Message withdrawn

pasturesnew Thu 08-Oct-09 19:09:17

No YANBU my aunt was born on Christmas day and we ALL still buy separate presents as 50+ years on it still matters.

waitingforbedtime Thu 08-Oct-09 19:10:07

What DGP are doing isnt fair.

DS will be 3 on 23/12 and DH also has a birthday then. They both get separate pressies. When Ds is older he can choose to have a joint pressie if he wants something 'big' but when he's little he gets separate.

B1984 Thu 08-Oct-09 19:11:26

i would just suggest to them if they could get 2 smaller gifts rather then 1 bigger one.

cat64 Thu 08-Oct-09 19:11:35

Message withdrawn

BikeRunSki Thu 08-Oct-09 19:13:23

My birthday is 7 weeks before Christmas and yes it sucks when people choose to get me a combined present (well it did, I am less materialistic in my old age). Although it's not so bad when I can work it in my favour!

5Foot5 Thu 08-Oct-09 19:14:22

I think it is a very poor show that they would even need to be told about this. We have two nephews whose bithdays are close to Christmas and everyone in the family treats these as separate events.

I can see though how it would be a difficult subject to bring up without seeming acquisitive. Would it be possible to have a special birthday celebration to which the in laws are invited and when they see a fuss being made of her birthday and see her opening the presents from them for her birthday they might be shamed in to treating them as separate events and getting something else for her for Christmas.

SixtyFootDoll Thu 08-Oct-09 19:16:06

YANBU my Db has his birthday the week before xmas and my parents were always firm about people (rellies) giving him separate presents.
When he got older he had combined as it meant he could get bigger presents like games consoles etc

MollieO Thu 08-Oct-09 19:16:51

I would say something and knock it on the head now. Even if it doesn't matter to your dc currently at some future point it will matter. How would you say something then? Your parents/pil will just say well it has been okay previous years what's changed now? If you explain they will think you are being unreasonable. For better to sort it out now and not form a precedent.

Also why shouldn't your dc get a same sized present that he would if is birthday was at some other time of the year? My ds's birthday is almost exactly 6 months from Christmas and he gets two proper sets of presents every year, as it should be for your dc.

Squishabelle Thu 08-Oct-09 19:18:15

Dd1 had a friend whos mum re-arranged her daughters birthday parties for the nearest weekend to June 25th (she was a xmas baby). She always said it was because the weather was better then and the children could get out into the garden.

Heifer Thu 08-Oct-09 19:19:20

I told my family when DD was approaching her 1st birthday (20th Dec). I think most people asked me what they should get her and I said that it would be good if they could get completely different things for birthday and Christmas, ie clothes for one and toys for another. Then went on to explain that I don't want her to miss out and hope that people would always buy her separate presents.

Seems to have worked for us, although have to admit one SIL hasn't got her a bday present for the last 3 years and says she will get something in the summer (but never has). never mind. DD doesn't remember.

FranklyIDontGiveAMam Thu 08-Oct-09 19:19:29

YABU to ask really, but your point is legitimate. Perhaps suggest that it isn't about expenditure and you would be perfectly happy if your dd were to get two smaller gifts, but you'd like her to be able to 'open' something seperate on both days.

claricebeansmum Thu 08-Oct-09 19:20:10


DD is 28th and I have made it very clear from the begining that only 2 good sized presents will suffice! I am 2 weeks before Christmas and as a kid was mortified when people lumped my presents together.

My only other hint and tip is buy your card and wrapping paper now! grin Surely statistically 1/12 of population have their birthday in December but because it's Jesus' birthday his cards take precedence! winkgrin

Doodleydoo Thu 08-Oct-09 19:20:46

Will be 3, and love the suggestion of no christmas tree until after birthday - tis a stroke of genius grin

I just don't want a precident to be set as in the future don't want my DC to feel like she is different to other DGC (which there is no reason she should be as far as I can see but probably more to do with me not being so brilliant - who knows but that is a whole other story!)

All suggestions are great and will try them out, at the moment 2 small presents would be great what I don't want is 1 small present for DC for joint bday/xmas and a better present for other DGC.

But it really helps to know that other people make a big deal of families bday so close to xmas! May do a summer thing too next year with godchild perhpas?

Hmm some pondering but think will broach the subject very carefully but try to make the distinction bday pre xmas so perhaps could get something small for DC just incase this happens so that she isn't left out and as a back up plan. would that be wrong?

overmydeadbody Thu 08-Oct-09 19:21:30

Well, I can understand your worry but really she is lucky to be getting any presents at all, they are not compulsory or anything, so it really is up to the givers what they get her and if they get her any presents at all, and if they want to combine it, that's up to them as well.

Life isn't about how many presents you get.

claricebeansmum Thu 08-Oct-09 19:23:06

hmm overmydeadbody

I assume you don't have a child with a birthday 3 days from Christmas and another with a birthday in the summer...

PersonalClown Thu 08-Oct-09 19:25:48

I'm a Xmas baby (27th) and I HATED presents that were just ill thought and made out to be a joint one.
It still riles me now. I'd much prefer that my birthday is acknowledged as a seperate occasion.
I don't ask for expense. Just the same courtesy that everyone else gets throughout the year.
You wouldn't turn to someone who's birthday is mid year and tell them that it's a joint present would you? (Now someone will say that they do!!wink)

Someone slap me before I really go off on one...

Doodleydoo Thu 08-Oct-09 19:28:27

No just the one near xmas, but the other side of the family is earlier in the year so obviously they aren't lumped together.

overmydeadbody, I know she is lucky to be getting any presents at all, its not really my complaint that she isn't getting presents, my complaint if you read OP is that the GP's treat two GC very differently and that is why I wanted a distinction. Are you suggesting it is ok to lavish one with presents but not the other when they are within a year of each other and the same sex?
i.e my DC gets a present that was brought back from a holiday as xmas and bday present, the DGC got a birthday, holiday and xxmas present. That is where I think its unfair.

however I take your point that DC very lucky to be getting any presents in current climate from any rellies!

Doodleydoo Thu 08-Oct-09 19:30:21

Personal Clown, can see where you are coming from - its not like the world can forget xmas is it? It is being bandied around from the end of August so there isn't much choice!

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