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AIBU to be cross at DH for not taking time off to spend with us?

(3 Posts)
allaboutme Thu 08-Oct-09 13:37:36

I think I probably am being unreasonable but am so stressed and upset I cant see it too well, I need objective opinions!

Lots of stress here.
Two weeks ago, the day before we went on holiday DH got made redundant.
We went away, DH quite optimistic about fnding something else, spends a couple of days phoning contacts and sorts out 3 months worth of freelance work to be done from home, quite flexible. Great. He agrees to start the Monday am after we get back Sunday night.
I ask if he could start the Wednesday seeing as we'll be busy unpacking and sorting on the Monday and it is DS's birthday on the Tuesday. We are not so desperate for money that we cant afford him to have 2 days off.
He agrees, but reluctantly. Doesnt want to take any more time away from work than he has to.
Then while we are away I get bad news. My grandad was suddenly taken ill, and he passed away the next day. I am very upset and even more upset that because we are so far away I couldnt make it back to see him in hospital and say goodbye before they turned his life support off. The rest of my family were all able to say their goodbyes.

Anyway, on Sunday we were heading home. I agreed with DH's idea to head off late in the evening and drive through part of the night with DCs sleeping in car ONLY because I knew he would not be working the next day and would be around to help.
He spent practically the whole of Monday 'just emailing x' or 'just arranging something about starting work later in teh week' and spending an hour on the phone here and there. As soon as the children went to bed he went over to see his sister and parents and didnt get back till early hours of the morning, leaving me to bake cake and wrap all of DS's presents, blow up balloons and tidy up for visitors etc.
He did spend DS's birthday with us, but was a busy day for us all with lots of visitors etc
Wednesday he watched the boys while I finally got to spend some time with my Nan. It was a hard day. 6 hours driving on my own in the pouring rain and a very emotional few hours with my Nan and Mum.
Today he is working. I still have bags of things that need unpacking from the holiday, two toddlers to look after, a ton of washing and am feeling sick, with a headache, just stressed to eyeballs really. Even though DH didnt spend the day with us Monday he wont do so today BUT he has told me he is spending tomorrow and a day next week helping his sister do up her new house.
His sister has just got married. Just after the wedding her new husbands brother suddenly died. They both have a month of compassionate leave off work and are spending the time doing up their new house so they can move in and be together at the sad time to support each other. MIL and FIL are working 7 days a week on the house with them, so they are getting lots of help.
DH says he feels like he should do a couple of days too.
I am really cross that he is doing this but wont take time off for us.
He says I am being selfish as his sister is having such a tough time at the moment. I dont dispute that, but she's got tons of support and I havent even got any bloody help from my own DH.
Last night he stayed up really late playing about on his computer and then was so tired he was less than useless with DS2 being up loads in the night and so today as a result I am also very tired from having no sleep!

I dont want him to not help his sister - I think its a lovely thing to do, I just him to acknowledge that I am at near explosion of stress point myself and that him taking the kids out to the park for 2 hours would help massively to allow me to get sorted and a bit less stressed but instead he is locked away in the office working! grrrrrr

Sorry its long and rambly, probably doesnt even make sense...

Stigaloid Thu 08-Oct-09 14:04:50

Hmmm - let him read what you wrote and see if he can get an understanding of it. I am terribly sorry for your loss - sounds like you have had a lot of stress of late and need a break and support x

lilyjen Thu 08-Oct-09 14:18:06

Ok it sounds like both you and yr DH have had a lot of stress lately-it can't have been easy for him being made redundant and i'm sorry to hear of yr loss. You both have a lot on at the same time and I think it's not so much that he's being selfish probably but more than he's prioritised things diff to how you wd. Maybe he doesn't fully realise HOW stressed you are right now. Is there anyone else you know that cd babysit while you sort stuff out? x

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